reinventmyself Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 I still can't help but feel that Mike sensed your ambivalence and that's why he seems to have dialed back. You might consider your responsibility in this for no other reason than to not take his actions personally. But really. . it's ok. . Things work out the way they're supposed to. I suppose if you two where meant to be an item it would have gone a little smoother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 I still can't help but feel that Mike sensed your ambivalence and that's why he seems to have dialed back. You might consider your responsibility in this for no other reason than to not take his actions personally. I am 100% sure that this isn't the reason...the last 2 times we went out things were going very well and he was all over me, touching me all the time, holding my hand, even kissed me a couple of times (albeit not passionately but it's not like he tried and I rejected him)...so, I have no idea how he would sense any sort of 'ambilavence'. I always said yes when he asked me out, I asked him out myself once (after he had said he liked me), I messaged him first a few times and, let's not forget, we only went out twice after he started being more affectionate. The only time I said no was when he had asked me to go to that party out of town and sleep over at his house that night. We only went out once after that and then he disappeared. I don't want to think that he was after sex but it's a possibility. As for my responsibility, I really don't feel I've done anything to cause him to 'dial back'....unless, of course, he expected that the moment he said he liked me, I'd go 'wow, really? let's make out'. By the way, even if things with him hadn't started as they did (considering him a friend, etc), even if I was attracted to him from the beginning, I would still behave in the exact same way I did those last 2 times we went out...because that's my usual pace when I'm dating someone I like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 I don't think there are that's y men that are just trying to get laid...I mean...most people are, but as a by product of meeting someone awesome who they can spend time with...not as the goal. Does that make sense? I can tell when someone is excited about me...and when they aren't....even if they're doing the motions to show that they are....I can usually pick it up on it...I think most people can... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 I can tell when someone is excited about me...and when they aren't....even if they're doing the motions to show that they are....I can usually pick it up on it...I think most people can... If it was that simple, there wouldn't be so many posts in this forum asking is he into me or does he just want sex? Lots and lots of posts on the same subject...after 2 dates, 5 dates, 10 dates, etc, etc. I'm not saying that Mike was after sex, I'm saying it's a possibility. Also, he could have met someone else. Or, he decided gas costs too much. I'm just positive it doesn't have to do with me because the last time we went out together, nothing seemed off and, well, when a guy stops the car to kiss you and then kisses you again when you say good night, how am I supposed to think that it was something I did??? PS OR, as my male colleague said 'I knew he was no good when he got you nothing for your b/day'. That's a possibility, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 He might have reflected on what happened before the last 2 dates and decided it wasn't worth the risk that you'd flip flop back to being friends. I think that sometimes things can be confusing. I wasn't sure if my husband was interested in me again, let alone interested in getting back together. I wasn't shocked either but I never assumed someone was interested in dating me or in being with me unless he asked me or expressed that clearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 I really don't think so, Batya...but all this is just speculation, anyway. What matters to me is that, for whatever reason, he took a step back and, combined with the gift thing, whatever was developing, is over for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Well I think it's more that it's over for him and you're ok with that. If you had been interested in him from the get go and showed it he might have pursued this further. It's probably a combination of reflecting on that and then meeting someone who he has some interest in but who is showing interest from the get go - that can be an aha moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 Maybe...in any case, it's better that it's over for him because I had no idea how to stop what was going on without mentioning that gift...which he obviously...forgot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Adios Mikey! While his run made for some interesting debates, it's time to make journal space for the shiny new hotties. And a good day to you, sir! John sounds pretty awesome so far... Here's hoping he'll be worthy of a little over-the-shoulder-hair-flipping tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Since we're in to illustrating... haha image removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I called John and he surprised me by offering 2 suggestions for tonight. One was a great place I already know, close to me, with view of the sea and the other one was a roof garden with view of the city centre at a hotel about 20 mins away. I chose the roof garden as I haven't been there before and I love city lights and all that. He said he was hesitant about the roof garden because it's closer to him and maybe I would think he chose it because it suits him (he doesn't have a car)...I told him not to be silly but I was surprised again that he seemed to have given this so much thought. He even told me he'll email me detailed directions as to how to get there since I don't know that part of the city very well. I'm looking forward to this date...I don't know if we have enough chemistry (and there's always the issue of him moving abroad) but, at least, so far, he's made me feel appreciated..which is more than most of the guys I've met online have done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 He seems thoughtful and well organised Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 My second date with John and I wouldn't say he kept his promise...he still talked a lot. Once again, it wasn't boring or anything but, by the end of the night, I realised I was listening 80% of the time. He asked a couple of things about me but when I answered, he somehow turned the convo back to himself. What's more, again, I didn't feel any chemistry between us. I may go out with him once more, if he asks, but I don't think this is going to go anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 But did he talk only about himself? I would not like that situation either. I can see why you'd give him one more chance since you weren't bored and he seemed aware enough to say he wouldn't do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 He talked mostly about himself..a dog he used to have, trips he's taken....but, also, he's the sort of person who, when asked something, he will go on and on replying. I asked something about his cell and he talked for 15 minutes about it. I asked what breed his dog was and I learned everything about that breed. But what was more annoying was that the few times I tried to say something more than 'yes' or 'no', he made it about him again. For example, I told him who my favourite actor is...he mentioned his....and went on to tell me about all the movies he's starred in. That sort of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 That is indeed annoying. What I would do is let him finish, then say, "anyway as I was saying my favourite actor is such and such because this and that" Make it clear he's interrupting you by doing so and getting your word in. See if he listens and responds after you tell him something about you by doing this. Sometimes people get excited sharing/talking about past experiences, stories and stuff, if it's interesting to you and you don't mind listening then I would give it a little more time and see how it goes / see if it settles down. If he listens when you share something, I think it's something that can be worked with. That being said, I talk a fair bit, and if someone shared something I can relate to, I'll just talk in return by telling what I know/experienced (eg oh that's fascinating, I knew a guy who was exactly the same etc etc ). And they do the same, so the conversation flows. If you're not a big talker and needs to be prompted to share, this guy would not be compatible if this is the way he communicates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
einsteins_girl Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 There are some people that are like this though, no matter what you do. I have a coworker who I have worked with for many years who always does this. No matter what you're trying to tell her - even if it's something very serious - she manages to turn it into a story about her. Always. With everyone. It can be very tiring. If John is like this, I do not blame you for moving on. LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 If you're not a big talker and needs to be prompted to share, this guy would not be compatible if this is the way he communicates. I am a big talker but I can't interrupt someone to talk..and when he starts talking, he won't stop..I wonder how he manages to breath! Today, I feel even more bleah about it and I think it's just how he is...very much into himself. At some point, he told me a story and I tried to tell him something similar that had happened to me and he just brushed it off like it was nothing important. During the 2 hours we were together he only asked me 1 thing..how long I've been divorced. I don't know how he expects to 'get to know me' when he asks nothing and doesn't seem interested in what I have to say, anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I am a big talker but I can't interrupt someone to talk..and when he starts talking, he won't stop..I wonder how he manages to breath! Haha! That's no good. I think you may have to pass on this one too MM.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Yes- I don't think it's the worst thing if you see him again. As far as interrupting -have you tried eye contact or body language that looks like you want to say something? I do think there's a fine line between turning every topic to yourself and sharing a story that relates to yours with the purpose of showing the other person you can relate to her story -but I think the person who shares his own story then has to turn it back "is that how you felt or was it different?" etc - if he's not doing any of that that gets tiresome really fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 I talked to someone new today. Julian, 58, 5'7, good-looking, with a beard and nice brown eyes, has his own company, lives close to me, has been divorced for 15 years and has a 25yo son. With this guy, we almost had a fight on the phone because on his profile he said 55 and on the phone he said 58 and when I asked why he said some lame excuse like the profile is old, he hadn't paid attention to the date, etc...and then he said that the fact that I commented on it said something about my character..to which I replied that the fact that he had lied about it said something about HIS character..and I was about to hung up but he apologised and we continued talking. He said he loved my pics and my profile and he's interested in something long term and would I like to meet. I was sceptical but since I liked his pics, too, and he lives close and seems to know what he wants I said ok. He said he'll call me this week to arrange a date. Then, I got my usual online flirt by John and he messaged me on the site and we talked for about half an hour. This guy confuses me. When he writes, he's different. I told him more about me in half an hour than I did during those 2 dates we had! He asked questions, commented on my answers...different person. He asked me if I'd like to go to a town about an hour away for lunch with 2 of his friends...I told him that if he'd told me sooner, I would have gone as I love that town (it's by the sea) but it was already 2pm when he asked and I had already had lunch...he said he understands but his friends had told him just half an hour ago but maybe we can go some time on our own. I said maybe. Then I had to go and he asked if he can call me tonight, I said ok...I'm curious to see if, on the phone, he'll be more like his net self or his in person self..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Bring laptops to dinner with John? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 Bring laptops to dinner with John? LMAO...Batya, that was brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 LMAO...Batya, that was brilliant I dated a man who I felt more comfortable with IMing with than talking with over dinner so I used to think we could just type to each other at dinner and have more fun that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 Mike texted me in the afternoon You were missed last night... Confused, I asked Where??? and he said At the bar, at the site's event...weren't you supposed to come? I replied that I had told him I wasn't sure I'd go and that he wasn't sure he'd go either. No reply. No idea what's up with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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