missmarple Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Fourth...the reason why I asked him what he likes about me has nothing to do with low self esteem. Some of you say but he doesn't know you that well. Really? Well, I could list 10 things I like about HIM and I've known him the exact same amount of time and I wasn't even into him! If someone doesn't know what he likes about me, to me it means that he just wants someone in his life, not me. Fifth...I don't want him to 'bust out all Casanova'..I want to feel like I'm out with someone who's into me, not with a friend. I can't explain it better than I already have. And, annie is right. I don't like passive guys. I've had my share of passive/shy/insecure/introverted guys and I've said before that somehow they seem to target me! So, at some point in my life, I got sick of having to do everything and now I'm looking for someone who is the exact opposite. He doesn't have to do everything but he has to be able to get things started, so to speak. IF he can't, fine...he may be a wonderful human being but I don't want to be with him. PS1 I don't know what else to say to convince some of you that it's NOT about Pedro at all. I barely remember what Pedro looks like and I haven't even talked to him in the last 2-3 days and I don't care if I never do again. PS2 I told Mike last night that the story with Pedro is over for me...so, no excuses for him there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I'm sorry I offended you. That was the last thing I was trying to do. Follow your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I'm sorry you're offended as well, but I disagree that he's being all passive and in the wrong right now. When you said "well I see you as a friend now but maybe that will change in the future" is not exactly a green light for him. That's not a "I like you", that's a "I don't like you but might in the future". Most self respecting men are not going to throw themselves at a woman who says that. They may hang back and take things carefully until they get more of a hint that she's interested, or they may move on for a woman who is more than lukewarm about them. Being more direct with Mike (or another guy) is not "you doing everything". I understand that you don't want someone who is passive but you seem to be taking the other extreme. You have essentially rejected Mike, added a "maybe in the future" clause and then you wonder why he's not making a romantic effort. Well, you need to make an effort as well here, if you want to. You don't have to take all of the lead all the time. Let's say deep down you have some feelings for him. It could be as simple and reaching over and holding his hand and saying "I'm excited to see where 'us' goes." and then hold your eye contact for a while as you stroke his hand. Men want just as much as women to feel desired and wanted. You need to give a little to get a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 I wasn't offended...I'm not sure why you think I was? I was just explaining my take on things. As for Mike, sure, if I wanted him, I could be more direct with him. But I'm not sure, so, there's nothing to do. I'm perfectly happy with staying friends with him. If he wants more, he'll have to be the one to do something more than just say he likes me...that's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 you wonder why he's not making a romantic effort. I'm not wondering. I just think that if he did make a romantic effort, I could see him under a different light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 OMG.....i just wrote my whole last 2 years about my Tom/ Mike....into great detail....when i was done i was going to add a smiley....and lost the whole damn thing. ugh. Maybe another time....i swear i typed for an hour.....lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I'm not wondering. I just think that if he did make a romantic effort, I could see him under a different light. And here we have a classic case of a Catch-22. MissM won't show any romantic interest in MIKE unless he makes the first move... ...but MIKE won't make the first move unless MissM shows that she has romantic interest in him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 And here we have a classic case of a Catch-22. MissM won't show any romantic interest in MIKE unless he makes the first move... ...but MIKE won't make the first move unless MissM shows that she has romantic interest in him. LOL...even if he does make a move, I don't know if I'll feel like that about him. That's why I said I'm fine with things as they are. I just think that by not doing anything at all and behaving in the same way he has since I've met him (which I told him very clearly that, to me, is the behaviour of a friend), nothing is going to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I totally agree with Faraday on her last comment with everything she said. I have been following this journal for about 9 months now and believe some men are dismissed really quickly and some for really small reasons in my opinion. Some men take a lot longer to ask you out again. Doesn't mean they are not interested, just takes more time. I think Pedro is one of those men. He may be a great guy, and he may not, but you have to keep options open. Still date others and see how it goes. Mike may just surprise you, again keep options open. I think you are really close to MM. I am excited to see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I totally agree with Faraday on her last comment with everything she said. I have been following this journal for about 9 months now and believe some men are dismissed really quickly and some for really small reasons in my opinion. Some men take a lot longer to ask you out again. Doesn't mean they are not interested, just takes more time. I think Pedro is one of those men. He may be a great guy, and he may not, but you have to keep options open. Still date others and see how it goes. Mike may just surprise you, again keep options open. I think you are really close to MM. I am excited to see what happens. I don't think Pedro is a guy who takes his time before asking the woman out again -he already has, he just flakes after he does (or he tentatively asks). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I don't think Pedro is a guy who takes his time before asking the woman out again -he already has, he just flakes after he does (or he tentatively asks). True, but he has had "excuses" for why he hasn't followed through and they could be true. But I would get tired of that after awhile. Since he hasn't contacted her in 3 days now, it may just be done anyway. I said this before, my daughter disappeared after her first date with someone she met online because life got really hectic for her. Then she checked back in on the dating site after a month and now is dating this same guy. If her boyfriend was like some of us here, he would of said FU and not ever talk to her again because she took over a month to get back to him. Im sure he kept his options open, but he really liked my daugther. Things happen that we don't have control of sometimes. Of course this is only my opinion and I mean no offense to anyone here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I think that happens in many people's lives. And when those people are interested in staying in touch with others, it is incredibly easy, with technology these days, to make a quick call or send a quick email explaining what is going on and sincerely expressing interest in seeing the person in the future. As far as your daughter, sure some people are fine with people disappearing and reappearing. Most people I know and know of are not, also for the practical reason that people have busy lives and move on when they encounter people who give the impression of being unreliable/flaky (not just dating). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I think that happens in many people's lives. And when those people are interested in staying in touch with others, it is incredibly easy, with technology these days, to make a quick call or send a quick email explaining what is going on and sincerely expressing interest in seeing the person in the future. True, but my daughter who is the "text queen" didn't do that with him at all. Just was not important to her at that time because she had 2 major things going on. Surgery and moving out of her college apartment. I know its lame, I would of kept in contact, but some people are just different that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 True, but my daughter who is the "text queen" didn't do that with him at all. Just was not important to her at that time because she had 2 major things going on. Surgery and moving out of her college apartment. I know its lame, I would of kept in contact, but some people are just different that way. I understand. He might have really liked her and it might be because he is the type of person who also is comfortable with disappearing here and there, etc so he's comfortable with someone who does the same. I don't think it makes her a different person, just a person who doesn't prioritize making new friends or potentially dating someone over handling what's going on in her life -she'd rather not multi-task at that time and is ok with risking losing the new friend. Or at least she didn't place him at a priority. People change how they interact with people and build their social lives of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I understand. He might have really liked her and it might be because he is the type of person who also is comfortable with disappearing here and there, etc so he's comfortable with someone who does the same. I don't think it makes her a different person, just a person who doesn't prioritize making new friends or potentially dating someone over handling what's going on in her life -she'd rather not multi-task at that time and is ok with risking losing the new friend. Or at least she didn't place him at a priority. People change how they interact with people and build their social lives of course. He actually didn't like that she disappeared on him, but after he heard why, he was okay with it. Plus she only went on one date with him, so there was no attachment or real relationship yet. Now Im sure he would be really upset with her if she did that again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Pedro emailed me last night. He asked how my Saturday dinner was, about the music, the food, etc. Then, he said that on Sunday he'd gone to visit his parents at their country home...that it's been raining for 2 days in his town, that the day at work was very long and tiring and he had been sleeping all afternoon and only got up to email me and is going back to bed. I didn't reply. I may send a quick email tonight. Or I may not. I'm getting bored with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Pedro emailed me last night. He asked how my Saturday dinner was, about the music, the food, etc. Then, he said that on Sunday he'd gone to visit his parents at their country home...that it's been raining for 2 days in his town, that the day at work was very long and tiring and he had been sleeping all afternoon and only got up to email me and is going back to bed. I didn't reply. I may send a quick email tonight. Or I may not. I'm getting bored with this. Yea I'd get bored of back and forth emailing with no actual meeting too.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophieGrace Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 So much for his backache and not wanting to go out in the cold. p.s. Hi MM - new reader but perused most of your thread. Good for you in knowing yourself, what you want, and going for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 So much for his backache and not wanting to go out in the cold. p.s. Hi MM - new reader but perused most of your thread. Good for you in knowing yourself, what you want, and going for it. Welcome, Sophie Yeah, apparently his backache has passed...lol. To be honest, one thing I find enjoyable about Pedro's situation is trying to guess his next excuse. 2 of my friends have actually started a game about this 'find the excuse'..LMAO...and I'm not joking. One of them said, for next weekend, the excuse will be toothache and the other one a house emergency (broken waterpipes, for example) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Mike called from the hospital (he goes every day and sits with his mum). We talked for about 10 minutes, I asked what he's doing tonight, he said he's going to the gym (he goes boxing a couple times a week), I asked about his mum...the usual stuff. It was nice hearing from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 After a looooooong time, I finally have a date with someone new today...it was about time as I was getting frustrated with all this situation with Mike and Pedro. Coincidentally, his name is the same as Pedro but I'll call him Jim. He is 44, divorced for 10 years, no kids, a driver and also an artist (painting is his hobby). He's 6'1, brown hair (what little hair he has left..haha) and eyes and he has an interesting face. He messaged me on the site, then we went to phone and just like that we decided to meet for a cup of coffee in the afternoon..and, yes, finally, someone who is NOT a Pisces..he's a Libra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He actually didn't like that she disappeared on him, but after he heard why, he was okay with it. Plus she only went on one date with him, so there was no attachment or real relationship yet. Now Im sure he would be really upset with her if she did that again. Yes, I understand. After one meeting the only thing I looked for was reliability -if he said he would call on a certain day or made plans to see me again I expected him to follow through or have a good excuse. Certainly he didn't need to ask me out again by a certain time (although I would have moved on so if he waited I might not be available). Back to our regularly scheduled programming with Pedro's backache miraculously disappearing ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Back to our regularly scheduled programming with Pedro's backache miraculously disappearing ;-) HAHA...stay tuned for the next ache Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Exciting to hear there's someone new! He has an interesting face?? Haha that's...interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Oh Pedro, don't let us down! Maybe he'll ache somewhere else next! Tell us more about this new guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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