notalady Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I vote for taking the high road, no point getting all snide and mean about it. Just a simple "sorry but I don't think this will work out as we don't see each other enough for it to develop into anything and I'm not interested in long distance. All the best and hope you feel better." Also, I won't be so optimistic about mike either, besides the fact that MM isn't interested in him, he is still living in the same house as his ex wife (he cited children as reason) so there are unresolved issues in his life too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I vote for taking the high road, no point getting all snide and mean about it. Just a simple "sorry but I don't think this will work out as we don't see each other enough for it to develop into anything and I'm not interested in long distance. All the best and hope you feel better." Also, I won't be so optimistic about mike either, besides the fact that MM isn't interested in him, he is still living in the same house as his ex wife (he cited children as reason) so there are unresolved issues in his life too. True and I agree with you on both points here. I think what you said to email him is the best advice so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 "I hope your back feels better. My back feels fine when I turn it away from you. Good luck and take care". I was kidding. I completely agree she should take the high road whether that is not responding at all or responding with something very short but polite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 I decided not to reply because, after all, it WAS an email and I might not have even been on the computer. It's the afternoon of the next day and, as a (male) friend told me, if he really wanted to make sure I got his message, he could have sent a text message or called me...so, if he couldn't care less, why should I? On other news, this morning I called Mike to ask about his mum. Apparently, she's going to be in the hospital for a week but just for observation because of all the flu going around. She has had some low fever and combined with her breathing problems, the doctors were a bit worried. He sounded very happy that I called PS Pedro also has my home number and he could call me at home if he was that worried about cell phone costs..so, yeah, he doesn't give a ***. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 How would using his cell to call you at home save on cell phone costs? You mean because then he wouldn't be texting? It's possible that his girlfriend/wife saw his phone so he stopped using it to contact you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 How would using his cell to call you at home save on cell phone costs? You mean because then he wouldn't be texting? It's possible that his girlfriend/wife saw his phone so he stopped using it to contact you. I thought this too but I didn't want to bring it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Ok, let me explain a few things. He's always contacted me through his phone..he doesn't have a computer. It's an iPhone, that's how he goes online/makes calls/sends messages, etc. So, if he had a g/f, it wouldn't matter if he texted or emailed me, the message would still be on his phone to read. Second, when I said he could call me at home, I didn't mean from his cell, I meant from a simple phone booth...landline to landline. Over here, that's way cheaper than calling a cell phone...I'm not sure if that goes for America, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 MM, Well, in America, many people are dropping their home landlines and switching to having a cell only. Maybe partly due to cost but also out of convenience. It sounds like landlines are cheaper where you are, so do most people still have landlines in addition to having a cell phone? If so, then is it reasonable to assume that he has a landline? If so, then why couldn't he call you from that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 MM, Well, in America, many people are dropping their home landlines and switching to having a cell only. Maybe partly due to cost but also out of convenience. It sounds like landlines are cheaper where you are, so do most people still have landlines in addition to having a cell phone? If so, then is it reasonable to assume that he has a landline? If so, then why couldn't he call you from that? Everyone has a landline over here...the thing is he moved to that new town last summer and because he didn't plan on staying for ever, he didn't have a home phone connected and just used/uses his cell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Everyone has a landline over here...the thing is he moved to that new town last summer and because he didn't plan on staying for ever, he didn't have a home phone connected and just used/uses his cell. Gotcha. Still seems weird to me though. Is it difficult to get a landline or something? I can understand being hesitant if you were just staying in one place for a few months and didn't want to get a landline but he's been there since summer and cell service is expensive. I don't know. Just seems weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 It's not difficult but it takes a couple of months and the cost is about 40 euros (45 USD) and there's a monthly fee of 15 euros...so, if you already have a cell phone and you have to pay rent, too, it makes sense to choose the cell. No, I don't think he's lying about that. He might be lying about other things..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Pedro just called...he must have decided to get over his stinginess because he talked to me for over 10 minutes and I was the one who said I had to go. He said he's in bed because of his back pains, that he emailed me last night (I didn't acknowledge that email at all and he didn't ask if I had read it), he asked about the weather, he said he hopes I have fun tomorrow...his usual self. I was normal as well, I believe...except there were no 'kisses' and stuff and I talked to him exactly like I talk to Mike and my other friends...I just said the weather is cold, that I hope he gets better soon and that I have to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 blah. friday night and bored. next!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Got an email by Pedro saying he's been thinking about me and hopes I have fun tonight. I didn't reply. Mike called and told me he'll be coming to the dinner tonight. I'm curious to see how he'll get along with my friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
einsteins_girl Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 missmarple, I know you don't find him romantically appealing right now, but I have this strangely good feeling about Mike. ... He certainly is responsive to you, which is nice to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Last night started out great...and it didn't end well, at least in my eyes. The restaurant was great, the food delicious and the (live) music to everyone's liking. Mike came about an hour later and he blended easily with our group. One of my friends told me at some point that he doesn't seem interested in anyone but me but I told her I don't think so (and I really didn't). He asked me about Pedro, I told him the latest news and everything was going fine. We left the restaurant at around 2 am and Mike took me and a friend in his car..we took my friend home and then he suggested we go have a drink or something. I said no way, it was toooooo late for me and I was a bit tipsy, too, all I wanted was my bed. Soooooooo, we arrive at my house, I get off the car, we say good night etc. I get inside and 5 mins later my cell beeps. It was a message by him. You do realise that I REALLY like you..right??? I was terrified and turned the cell off. There was no way I could reply to that question at that time of the night and in my condition. And now, it's the next morning, I still haven't turned my cell on and I came here to ask for help. WHAT do you reply to something like that..and in a text message, too? No, I hadn't realised and I really like Mike..but not in that way. Unfortunately, it's too early to ask any of my friends (I'm sure they're all still sleeping..lol..I got up early). I want to be friends with him and I don't know what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Are you sure you don't want to at least give it a chance and see if anything grows? I mean once you shut that door, you kinda shut it for good.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 If you are 1000% sure you don't want anything with Mike, I would say, "sorry for the late response, frankly I wasn't quite sure how to respond, I like you but only as a friend and I really hope we can stay friends, however if you're not comfortable with that, I completely understand." If there is a slight hesitation there and you don't want to shut that door for good, I would say, "sorry for the late response, frankly I wasn't quite sure how to respond, I like you but haven't felt a lot of chemistry between us. I feel like I don't know you enough yet, perhaps we could get to know each other better and see where it takes us." Then go on a few dates, if nothing develops, then well at least you gave it a shot. Sometimes all it takes is for the guy to put himself in the right light and make the right moves (a bit of flirting, touchy feely, a kiss) for you to see him differently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigKK Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 if you just want to be friends, let him off easy...he probably won't stick around to be friends. Respond with something mysterious to buy yourself some time. Please refer to this helpful and thought provoking article link removed I'm not really sure, personally I'd be cheeky and respond, no I had no idea ok good luck! edit: I really like notalady's advice as far as the second one. That's as honest as can be, I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Well, while I was thinking about it (and turned my cell on), he messaged me again. A simple, friendly message Good morning, are you still sleeping? Have a great Sunday...and, at the same time, my friend from last night (the one we took home) called me to tell me to ask him if he found her glasses in his car (she lost them somewhere). So, I called him. First, I told him about the glasses and then I asked about his mum (he's at the hospital every day at this time)..and then he, himself brought up the message from last night and said 'I thought you would tell me off because of that message I sent'...I said that of course I wouldn't and then I said that I'd rather talk about it in person (I felt very awkward to have that discussion on the phone) and we agreed to meet tonight. I've decided to be honest, polite and firm and explain that I don't see him as a romantic prospect and it's up to him if he wants to be friends or not. I don't want him to keep hoping...I hate when people do that to others..and, even though, you can never say never and I have changed my mind about men in the past, in this case, I like him too much to just let him hope. Also, there's Pedro. I'm not 100% sure that that door has been shut (in my mind) and that, if he does come here again and ask to meet, I'll tell him no...so, it wouldn't be fair to string Mike along. So, yeah, I think a tough evening is waiting for me...but those things have to be said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 "Good morning Mike, just saw your text...and, no, actually, I had no idea you felt that way! I always thought you saw us as just friends and I've always viewed our interactions through that filter. Perhaps it may have been due to my involvement with Pedro, but I don't feel like we ever had the right chemistry to be anything more than just good friends. I do hope we can remain that, but I understand if that's not what you're looking for." "Good morning Mike, just saw your text...and, no, actually, I had no idea you felt that way! I always thought you saw us as only friends and so I've always viewed our interactions through that filter. But I do think you're an awesome person and we have enough in common that I'd be interested in giving it a shot to see if the chemistry could develop between us, if you would like to?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I hope you decide to give it one more chance -you've only been out a few times with him and last night was not an alone time. How about telling him that you're not sure something more could develop -you don't want to lead him on - but you would like to hang out a few more times and get to know each other. As far as Pedro - it's not unfair to Mike just because you think you might give Pedro another chance - a guy you met once who's flaked on you several times and who has no plans to see you again - it's not an ex boyfriend who you're thinking seriously of reconciling with. Please don't let Pedro create more obstacles in your dating life than you let him do these last few weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 How about telling him that you're not sure something more could develop -you don't want to lead him on - but you would like to hang out a few more times and get to know each other. I guess I could do that...except I don't feel like something more could develop. Isn't that unfair to him? I mean it's not like I'm not sure. At this point, right now, I am sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I guess I could do that...except I don't feel like something more could develop. Isn't that unfair to him? I mean it's not like I'm not sure. At this point, right now, I am sure. I had a Mike in my life so I can relate (and we are still friendly and after 400 dates through on line dating -his tallying - he met his lovely wife). If you really are that sure and it has nothing whatsoever to do with Pedro then I completely agree with you. If it has something to do with some lingering crush on Pedro then I don't think that should be a reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I understand where you're coming from, but in a way, what do you have to lose by seeing if anything develops with Mike? Can you say for sure that it won't in the future? It does seem that in your history, guys you've really liked flake or disappear on you. Now here's a guy who is interested in you, you both like to spend time together, you click well, your friends get on well, etc. And you haven't even really ever looked at him as a remote possibility became from the very time you've met him, you've been hung up on Pedro. Of course, totally up to you, but I don't see the harm in giving it 1-2 dates and seeing where it goes without this Pedro crap hanging around What do you have to lose? If no spark is felt, fine, but up until now, you have not given it a proper try. You met him while still hung up on Pedro. No wonder you don't feel anything for him right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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