annie24 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 well, you never know - love can blossom. i've heard of plenty of couples being friends first for a while before the love popped up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 That's true and most of my relationships started like that. You never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Well, Pedro just emailed...I knew he would. This is what he wrote: Good evening. I won't be able to be there on Saturday. I've been suffering from back pains and I need to be somewhere inside and warm...and I want to be in the best possible condition when we meet...probably the weekend on February 7. Have fun on Saturday. Lots of kisses Pedro PS I've been trying to cut down on cell phone expenses for 2 more days. I'm between a/emailing him a simple f*** off, b/emailing him a 'don't bother contacting me again' and c/not reply to that email at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I think the classiest thing to do is not to reply at all. He does not deserve a reply especially with the lame cell phone excuse -there were other ways for him to contact you -through the site, e-mail, or asking a friend to call you. I know he didn't need to contact you till today as promised but what a lame excuse for not contacting. (and I am assuming he has some back pains - let's assume that is true -there are still alternatives where he drives less, or brings a heating pad, etc). I would absolutely not see him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I talked to a friend of mine about it. She told me that I shouldn't reply tonight as I am so angry and that tomorrow I could just send an email saying get better soon and not much more...and if he insists (emails again or calls), to just treat him like an acquaintance. She says he's so stingy he's not likely to bother me for much longer if he realises nothing will come out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 That cell phone excuse is so lame. What is he, a cheap no-job teenager with a pay-by-the-day plan so he isn't able to call or text you at all for a few days? What a joke. Hey, I consider myself frugal/borderline stingy and my phone service doesn't drop unless my phone acts up or I go into a deadzone. I'm sorry, I'm not buying his excuse. I wonder if he's been meeting up with other people on the site and you're being kept on the backburner while he weighs his options. Up to you, but I think ignoring or telling him not to bother you again would suffice fine. I don't see the point in continuing to talk to him or 'treating him like an acquiantance'. What purpose does that serve? With all of his getting sick and back pains that leave him unable to leave the house to meet a woman he supposedly "misses", I would think he's more ready for a nursing home than a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecaryn Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I would email him a simple: "Thanks for following up. Unfortunately, your timing is terrible. In your absence, I have met someone more local and more interesting. Best of luck to you in all areas!" Then block him in all the expected places. His level of interest in you or willingness to act on it is irrelevant at this point. I would be totally turned off by his ongoing health issues (perceived, outright lies or otherwise) and his apparent financial problems. It's simple... he's not on your level. I'm sorry for the disappointment. Put him behind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I don't see the point in continuing to talk to him or 'treating him like an acquiantance'. What purpose does that serve? According to my friend, he did what he had promised to do (contact me and let me know by Thursday) and it's not like we had a fight or anything, so, I should reply to his email at some point and talk to him politely if he calls..and if he brings up meeting again, then I can tell him I'm not interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I think the classiest thing to do is not to reply at all. He does not deserve a reply especially with the lame cell phone excuse -there were other ways for him to contact you -through the site, e-mail, or asking a friend to call you. I know he didn't need to contact you till today as promised but what a lame excuse for not contacting. (and I am assuming he has some back pains - let's assume that is true -there are still alternatives where he drives less, or brings a heating pad, etc). I would absolutely not see him again. I actually don't think you need to respond either, but if you do, you can choose to "mirror" him. i.e., wait 4 days before replying, and then say Feb 7th sounds good, but you won't know if you're free or not for a while because your cat has to visit her astrologer, who may or may not be in town that day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 According to my friend, he did what he had promised to do (contact me and let me know by Thursday) and it's not like we had a fight or anything, so, I should reply to his email at some point and talk to him politely if he calls..and if he brings up meeting again, then I can tell him I'm not interested. You're nicer than I am. . I would block him. Sorry. . call me jaded but I have bumped into all sorts of crazy on the internet. His excuses are so suspect and honestly signs of a man who's already committed to someone else. I could be wrong, but something is making him unavailable and that's all you need to know. AND. . I know when I am infatuated with someone else, guy#2 (Mike) doesn't stand a chance. It will be interesting to see if that changes if you close the door on Pedro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 According to my friend, he did what he had promised to do (contact me and let me know by Thursday) and it's not like we had a fight or anything, so, I should reply to his email at some point and talk to him politely if he calls..and if he brings up meeting again, then I can tell him I'm not interested. I disagree with your friend in that you don't need to have a fight or have someone go back on his word in order to cut him off and say "thanks but no thanks". There is no obligation on your part to give him a chance. There's no obligation on anyone's part really other than to be a decent human being and I don't think he is being one right now because he's being shady and seems to be stringing you along with words but his actions don't match up. He has postponed seeing you twice with stupid reasons, and then gave an even DUMBER reason for why he can't call/text you. I think doing anything other than blocking him is a waste of time. I don't really see what your friend thinks you will gain from it. Is she hoping he'll do a turn around or something? Not likely given his past actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I actually don't think you need to respond either, but if you do, you can choose to "mirror" him. i.e., wait 4 days before replying, and then say Feb 7th sounds good, but you won't know if you're free or not for a while because your cat has to visit her astrologer, who may or may not be in town that day. LMAO...actually, I could wait even longer as I've repeatedly told him to message me on my phone and not email (when it's something serious) because I don't get emails on my phone. So, basically, if, say, my computer was broken, I'd have no idea if he's coming or not on Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I don't really see what your friend thinks you will gain from it. Is she hoping he'll do a turn around or something? Not likely given his past actions. No, she thinks he's a stingy jerk. Her point is that if I don't reply at all, he may contact me again and, at some point, I'll have to reply and I may be even angrier then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 No, she thinks he's a stingy jerk. Her point is that if I don't reply at all, he may contact me again and, at some point, I'll have to reply and I may be even angrier then. I guess I see her point. I just think it's a lot easier and better for your wellbeing to block said jerks and set your sights on someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I guess I see her point. I just think it's a lot easier and better for your wellbeing to block said jerks and set your sights on someone else. I agree with this. .I don't like to leave doors opened that are in need shutting. You wait anxiously for the next email . . . when you should be busy getting on with life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm not going to wait for any next email or anything else from him...I'll send that email tomorrow and forget about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 yeah, meh...next. i still stay take 4 days though to reply, hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Don't let people waste your time. Adopt the attitude that they either need to step up or move along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Don't let people waste your time. Adopt the attitude that they either need to step up or move along. Exactly. While I can see why people suggest waiting a few days, I'd get it over with now. I sense that this guy is either a) Playing the field and has other opportunities lined up (which is fine since you're not exclusive or anything, but he ought to just say so if that's the case); b) He's one of those who likes the idea of being in a relationship, having someone to send "kisses" to in texts and e-mails, builds up all sorts of expectations/hopes with words that he ultimately doesn't act on, etc. Is his back hurt? Maybe (though I don't think so). Even if it is, though, it's awfully convenient that this guy suddenly has back issues AFTER making tentative plans and telling you "I'll let you know for sure on Thursday." It sounds like he was hedging his bets because maybe something else was on the horizon -- perhaps a woman he's interested in who lives in his town -- and he was waiting to see what happened before giving you the definitive word on Saturday. In any case, I think that at this point, he's proven his flakiness; he's proven that his words are hollow and NOT backed up with real actions. If I were in this situation, I would either 1) Not respond at all (but he'll probably eventually contact you and ask for a response, and that could be awkward); or 2) Respond (maybe tomorrow, when you're less upset about it) and say, "Thanks for letting me know, Pedro. It seems that, after making plans several times and having you cancel them, it's better to just forgo any future plans. Perhaps we would both have more luck with people who live closer, and for me, someone who has more time and flexibility in making plans and following through with them. I wish you the best." I was in a similar situation to yours -- as I mentioned in another thread -- with a really flaky guy who CLAIMED he was really into me, etc. but went WEEKS in between dates. Finally, after the third date (which was supposed to be dinner and a movie and ended up being lunch because he was all stressed out about some work-related stuff he had to get done), we were supposedly making plans for a fourth date, and he completely flaked on me. Fortunately, he just vanished into thin air after leaving me a lengthy voicemail telling me how he was realllllly looking forward to seeing me again, etc. -- he laid it on really thick -- and I responded telling him I looked forward to seeing him, too, and to contact me when he could make time in his schedule to go out (he had a much less flexible schedule than I). I never heard from him after that last message, and after a few days, I just deleted him from my phone and never contacted him again. He never contacted me, either, which made it easier. Clearly, he wasn't nearly as into me as he had claimed to be! As Batya33 always says, "Watch the feet, not the lips." This is clearly a case where this guy's lips are saying something MUCH different than what his feet are saying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm not going to wait for any next email or anything else from him...I'll send that email tomorrow and forget about him. Agree with this approach, I too would want to just get it over with and forget about it. Sorry he ended up being a disappointment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 It's not wrong to send an email of course but his email shut the door for all practical purposes. If he ever emailed again and asked you out for a date you could respond if you wanted with a "thank you but no thank you" or not responding would be fine -you met him once and never had a real date with him -no obligations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I wouldn't hold off on telling him to eff off....politely of course, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want him to take up anymore of my head space. If you don't fire that e-mail back today, then you'll still end up thinking about him tomorrow. Life is too short and getting rid of guys like him is liberating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I wouldn't hold off on telling him to eff off....politely of course, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want him to take up anymore of my head space. If you don't fire that e-mail back today, then you'll still end up thinking about him tomorrow. Life is too short and getting rid of guys like him is liberating. "I hope your back feels better. My back feels fine when I turn it away from you. Good luck and take care". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwixSense Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Even if you did reply to his flaky email you would still be using the mental effort to think of what to write to him.. and he's not worth it not even 5 mins... if he can be stingy then you can be stingy too..I think it's easier to withhold the 5 min that it would take to reply and move on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 WOW, you guys are harsh. I would actually let him know that since he has cancelled on me so many times, its obvious that you are not going to make the effort needed to make a LDR work. Or something like that. He did email her when he said he would. Maybe Im just too nice. But I have seen this happen before with online dating and sometimes there are real legitimate reasons why. Maybe he did actually hurt his back. Why do you all think he's lying? Oh well, its not my call. Mike does sound like a winner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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