reinventmyself Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Ooo. I'd cut Pedro lose, but that's me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 On my phone again... typos geez sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 Ooo. I'd cut Pedro lose, but that's me. Well, if he disappears, he'll have solved the problem for me...and if he does email/call again, it depends on what he says..I mean, if he tells me he was in bed with high fever or something, I can't say much about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 Pedro emailed me. Strangely, the time on the email was like 5 hours ago...I'm not sure why I got it so late. Anyway, among other things he said he's going to visit his parents tomorrow because his mum is sick (they're at their country house this weekend which is about an hour from where he is and closer to my town..less than an hour away) and he's 'dying' to see me and will try to come here even for a few hours...it will depend on how sick his mum is. I replied that I want to see him, too, as long as he lets me know in time and provided I don't have a fever. I really hope he makes it tomorrow...not so much because I want to see him (I do but I wouldn't say I'm dying..lol) but because I want to see if I'll be as attracted to him as I was the last time...a second meeting always reveals more things than a first one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Pedro seems legit. Go for a second date, You have nothing to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 My friend, the one from yesterday, called to ask if I feel better and if I can go out with her tonight. I was in no mood to see her, so, I just told her I have a date with Pedro...which is half-true..lol. Her comment this time was 'hmmmm if someone is over 40 and they have never been married, something is wrong with them'. But this time I didn't just take it. I said 'well, Mike is divorced and you say something must be wrong with him if his wife left him, Pedro is single, something is wrong with him, too...what are you suggesting? that I should be looking for someone already married?' That shut her up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Unfortunately, Pedro just messaged me Good morning, how are you? I hope you're feeling better. I really wanted to see you but my mother is very sick and my father needs me here...I'll go back to (the town he lives in) in the afternoon. Call me when you can or tell me if I can call you. Lots of kisses. I've missed you. I replied that it's ok, that I hope his mum gets better soon and that I'll call him later. And, right after Pedro, Mike called and asked if I want to meet for a cup of coffee later today. I said sure and we're meeting in the afternoon. But I told him I'm paying today (he had paid the other time we had gone out the 2 of us - he had insisted). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 I called Pedro and we talked for about half an hour. I really think that he's ok, just very different to me..more introverted and gentle and not as straight forward as I am...typical Pisces man He told me he's missed me very much and he remembered that tomorrow is my birthday, asked me how I'm going to celebrate and when I told him I'll be taking out friends next Saturday, he said he'll try to be here and he'll let me know by Thursday. It wasn't my intention but I ended up inviting him, anyway. Then he, for once, tried to come up with a plan to meet. He suggested we could meet in that town I went to last Sunday (the group trip). I said 'well, I was there last Sunday, why hadn't you suggested meeting then?', he said the thought hadn't crossed his mind. Anyway, I love that town (it is, in my opinion, my country's most beautiful town) and it's 1.5 hrs away from me and 1 hr from him and, if the weather is good, it's a trip I don't mind repeating. I told him that next weekend, of course, I can't do it but maybe the one after that. I believe the 'problem' is he doesn't want to come over here, maybe because of his sister. Overall, he was very warm on the phone and seems eager to see me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 He sounds like he is saying very nice things. My suggestion is that you assume that unless he actually makes a time/place plan to see you there is no plan and no expectations. It sounds like he draws you in quickly and I know how upset you were even when you had just met him once and he seemed to be blowing you off. So far he's been sick, now his mother is sick - all that can be totally valid -it's winter time! - but at some point very soon he's going to have to actually follow through (meaning no other types of excuses such as too busy/too tired/it didn't occur to me). I'm not saying he's untrustworthy or unreliable yet but there's a bit of wishy washiness here. Hopefully he'll let you know by Thursday about the bday plans -that will be very telling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 I just realised (when I read Batya's comment and went back and re-read what I had written) that I didn't explain my own thoughts properly. He was/is very sweet and everything but what I had said a few days ago (that I've set a time limit of 2 weeks) stands. If I don't see him next weekend, it's over for me. All the plans about the trip etc are nice dreams but...3 weeks between a first and a second date (and God knows how long between a second and a third) is not what I'm looking for. I actually went back and read our first 2 messages on the dating site and when I had asked about the distance he had said 'I come to (my town) all the time because I have friends/family there'...well, that certainly isn't the case as it's already been 10 days since the day we met. If he can't come here because he can't stay at his sister's place, I don't see how we could ever make this work. Sure, I could go down there (to the town close to him) once..but it's not something I'm willing to do every weekend for someone I've only met once or twice. So, to sum up the situation, I liked our date, I like Pedro from what little I've seen of him but if he tells me he can't make it next weekend, I'll be sending him a nice email that this isn't going to work and good luck..and end of story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 He sounds like he is saying very nice things. My suggestion is that you assume that unless he actually makes a time/place plan to see you there is no plan and no expectations. It sounds like he draws you in quickly and I know how upset you were even when you had just met him once and he seemed to be blowing you off. So far he's been sick, now his mother is sick - all that can be totally valid -it's winter time! - but at some point very soon he's going to have to actually follow through (meaning no other types of excuses such as too busy/too tired/it didn't occur to me). I'm not saying he's untrustworthy or unreliable yet but there's a bit of wishy washiness here. Hopefully he'll let you know by Thursday about the bday plans -that will be very telling. I agree with Batya, and I'd add...something seems a bit off to me. I know I've never met the guy, but....something doesn't sit right with me. He "misses" you -- and he's only met you once -- and yet he can't make time to see you, keeps putting off plans, etc., seems to contradict himself (i.e. talking about how he's "always" in your town but somehow he hasn't made it there once since you've met?) I agree that if he doesn't make plans in the next week, you need to take him off your radar. It's very easy to send sweet texts, tell someone you miss them, call and tell them how much you want to see them, etc., but those are just words. If he doesn't follow through with concrete action in the next few days, I'd cut him loose. I had a similar experience, complete with a rambling phone message with the guy telling me how much he'd been thinking of me, how much he wanted to see me, etc. , only to have him finally just stop contacting me. I let too much time go by between dates, too, mainly because he seemed really promising otherwise and there was no one else on the horizon for me at the time. After his last epic message, to which I responded enthusiastically with a message of my own that I looked forward to seeing him again, I never heard from him again! After about five days of not hearing anything, I just deleted his number and let it go. That was hard for me to do -- I really liked him, and the dates we'd been on had gone very well, from my perspective, but I realized that as nice and sincere as he seemed, he was just too flaky for my taste. Anyway...give him one more chance to set up a real date, and if he doesn't do so within the next week, I'd say delete his number and, if he contacts, let him know you're not interested, even if you really are. Women -- and men too, I think (don't want to exclude them, but I'm not one, so their experiences might vary) -- need to set good boundaries so that people won't think they can just string us along, pop in and out of our lives at their convenience, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 I had a great time with Mike and now I'm 100% sure that I can't see this guy romantically. However, it seems like we're establishing a very good friendship. We talked about Pedro, he agreed with me that if he's not here next weekend, I'd better let it go and I invited him to my birthday dinner for next Saturday. Some single friends of mine will be there and who knows? Maybe he's luckier than me..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I had a great time with Mike and now I'm 100% sure that I can't see this guy romantically. However, it seems like we're establishing a very good friendship. We talked about Pedro, he agreed with me that if he's not here next weekend, I'd better let it go and I invited him to my birthday dinner for next Saturday. Some single friends of mine will be there and who knows? Maybe he's luckier than me..lol Too bad Mike isn't someone you could be interested in dating -- he sounds like a GREAT guy. I bet I would date him, if I didn't live on an entirely different continent! Darn! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Too bad Mike isn't someone you could be interested in dating -- he sounds like a GREAT guy. I bet I would date him, if I didn't live on an entirely different continent! Darn! Yes, indeed, he is...and I'm usually picky with guys but this one, we've been out 4 times and I can't find any fault in him. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that most of my friends will reject him because of his height (he's 5'4), even the ones who are shorter than him and even though he has a sweet face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Wow, that's shorter than me lol.. Maybe that's why you aren't attracted to him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Yes, indeed, he is...and I'm usually picky with guys but this one, we've been out 4 times and I can't find any fault in him. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that most of my friends will reject him because of his height (he's 5'4), even the ones who are shorter than him and even though he has a sweet face. Lucky are the ladies who don't care about height or prefer shorter men! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Lucky are the ladies who don't care about height or prefer shorter men! He's exactly my height; I have always dated men who were at least a few inches taller, the tallest being 6' 1", but I'd be fine with a guy my height or slightly taller if he was attractive otherwise and had a great personality. I used to have to stand on my toes to kiss my 6 '1" ex, and hugging him was awkward -- it was like I was always crammed into his armpit or something -- so a shorter guy would be fine for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I prefer slightly taller men, within 6'' taller. Any taller is kind of weird for me. However, I couldn't imagine using height as a reason to reject someome but that's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Wow, that's shorter than me lol.. Maybe that's why you aren't attracted to him No, that's not it. I do prefer guys a bit taller than me, in general, but I've also had relationships with men my height or shorter. I really don't know why I'm not attracted...I like his face and his style but from the very first time, I saw him as a friend. Maybe because he himself acts as a friend, too..I mean he's too nice if that makes any sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No, that's not it. I do prefer guys a bit taller than me, in general, but I've also had relationships with men my height or shorter. I really don't know why I'm not attracted...I like his face and his style but from the very first time, I saw him as a friend. Maybe because he himself acts as a friend, too..I mean he's too nice if that makes any sense. You mean because he's not assertive enough or you can tell he would be in a doormat if the situation called for it -that's not "nice" that's simply acting in a passive or insecure way. Is Pedro "nice" when he types all those flirtatious or flattering comments -sure it's "nice" - you just believe he is also at least reasonably confident and assertive too. If Mike were more assertive he wouldn't have asked you to hang out again without asserting himself and telling you he was into you and wanting to know if you felt the same (it's obvious you're not because you tell him all about Pedro). You're turned off because the guy continues to let you go on about Pedro despite how you know he feels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I really don't think he's into me either, Batya. Of course, I can't be sure but, apart from a comment here and there, nothing suggests he sees our outings as dates. Anyway, he's always too..pleasing? Not just with me, with everyone...and I can be friends with guys like that but I don't find it an attractive quality. Pedro is also soft spoken and gentle but in a different way that I can't describe in writing. PS Mike just called to wish me happy birthday, etc. Almost everyone has called or emailed (it's afternoon here)...except Pedro. He had told me yesterday to let him know what time he can call me to talk...but I think he could send a simple happy birthday message. If he doesn't, I'm not going to let him know anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 People pleaser can be nice or it can be self-absorbed -he might be behaving that way to seek approval rather than to be thoughtful to others. As far as happy birthday -Pedro already wants to celebrate with you so I don't think it matters if he forgets to also wish you happy birthday today. I have close friends and family where I remember their birthday a week in advance, a day in advance -then forget it on the actual day, remembering it only the next day or even days later. Doesn't mean I don't care (does mean I should have calendared it). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Happy Birthday Miss Marple! All this is great practice and dating and relationships take work and effort after all. We can't and don't want the first one that shows up. Keep up the good work meeting guys and sniffing out the quirks. When the right one shows up .. you'll have enough tools you'll won't question it. . you'll know. Who knows Pedro may surprise you, but I adopted a saying `things that don't start out good, they typically don't end good. You don't need to close the door on him, maybe leave it cracked open. Just don't give him much thought or and very little attention and if he comes through you'll be pleasantly surprised, if not. . you haven't invested any more into it so you've lost nothing. Next! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janut1 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Mike seems like a really great guy, but if there is no chemistry, at least you have a new friend! Pedro is doing fine so far, I don't see any real red flags yet, but its so hard to read how quickly he would be dismissed. We are all human and do get busy with life and forget things at times. Pedro knows its your birthday and wants to celebrate with you, I think that is awesome. I agree with Batya, he asked you when he can call you, so tell him. Why play games of if he doesn't wish me a happy birthday, then I won't talk to him. My daughter met a guy online and went out with him once. They liked each other and he asked her if he could see her again and she said yes. Then my daughter dissapeared from the online site because life got in the way. She had her tonsils removed and did not know that she would be scheduled for surgery that week, then she decided to take her son on vacation and then she had to move from her college apartment because she graduated and had to move out. She was gone from the site for over a month. She checked back in and saw that he had emailed her and emailed him back. They are now dating. He didn't dismiss her because he hadn't heard from her for over a month, and he was still interested. I think this was a good lesson for me as maybe for others too. We want things to happen fast and if they don't we give up. Patience is hard for me and I know that, but I am learning that things take time. One day at a time I say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I emailed Pedro and gave him a time he can call. It still doesn't sit well with me that for a whole day he didn't find a minute to wish me HP (and that he wants to celebrate with me is still debatable) but anyway. As for how quickly I would dismiss Pedro, I believe I've already been more than patient with the guy considering I only met him once 11 days ago and since then nothing but a few emails and a couple of phonecalls and a suggestion to meet 2 hrs away in another 15 days! That's why I've set that limit for next weekend. I can't keep talking to him and build a fantasy in my head if he makes zero effort to meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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