Seraphim Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 The thing is you should not have to convince someone to have children they either do want them more they don't. Hoping he is going to want them later is not going to work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 ok - the dog showering with you guys is where I would draw the line. I could see if the dog is dirty and it is easier for him to take the dog into the shower - but the point would be giving the dog a bath rather than being an intimate time. My dog never showers with us - I put him in with me alone. I think that 1) if you want kids, you should not be with him. I know you can't have them (I know two people with endometriosis who ended up having kids if that is the issue), but you want to adopt. You need to find a man whose passion is to adopt kids or already has kids that you could be stepmom to rather than deciding that because you can't have them, it would be fair for you to have a guy who doesn't want them. He might NEVER change his mind. My boyfriend wants kids - but does not want to adopt because of the process etc. That is his choice. 2) It is not very fair to complain that he is not doing right - not holding you watching tv, etc, and not saying anything about it. guys can't read minds. I would not get into the shower with him if the dog is going in. don't make it a drama. Just don't go in. I would honestly make light of it and when he is cuddling with the dog, in humor, lay your head on him like the dog would on the other side (or if it is a larger tolerant dog lay your head lightly on the dog) and if you are light hearted and joking about how you want to cuddle too, maybe he will get the hint. And tell him "hey, I would like to be held also when we watch tv. Do you have another arm? or maybe "hey, its wedneday. its MY turn tonight!" The thing is, you are talking "forever" with him and then letting this slide. Maybe you need to say that "hey, you know, I like to be held and cuddle too. I know you are used to just having your dog, but I feel left out". Sitting and putting up with something and then complaining why someone doesn't do anything gets you nowhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggles Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I think he is a wonderful guy and he treats me right. The only time it bothers me is when he lets the dog get between us. I think the dog should not be snuggling with my boyfriend while we are trying to watch a movie and I'm wanting to lay in his arms or when we go to bed and I want to cuddle with him but he cuddles with the dog instead. He even lets the dog shower with us and I just don't find that very sanitary. I feel dirtier after my shower than before. He gets mad if I move the dog from my spot on the bed because that was the dogs spot before I moved in. He even told me to sleep in the kennel one night because jäger didn't want to share the bed. I'm going to be blunt here. You're completely delusional to think the problem here lies with the dog. This is not a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend is treating a dog better than his live in girlfriend. And you're allowing it! Yes, OP, you are complicit in this by continuing to be with this jerk and accepting his demeaning behavior towards you! Did you NOT see any red flags before you moved in? Or did you think moving in would magically fix your relationship issues??? Stay or go, that's your choice. You can't make him change how he prioritizes his dog over you. He has to want to draw boundaries with the amount of attention/affection his gives the dog vs you. If he doesn't want to change he won't. He's already told you by his actions and his words that his has no intentions of changing his behavior with his dog. Personally, I would walk and find someone who doesn't put other people/objects/pets before their so-called significant other.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 I'm sorry but if any dude told me to go sleep in the kennel because the dog was sleeping on the bed no I am sorry he does not treat you right!!!!! I would be so gone!!! I agree - despite that it was only once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyalS818 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 I have talked to him about it. He says it's retarded to be jealous of a dog but he won't fix any thing I have an issue with he. No there where not any red flags. His ex girlfriend is my ex girlfriend and it was her dog from him. So he never had the dog while we were just friends. She did. And after she left and he and I started talking he always came to my hometown. I moved to a different state to live with him. So yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 If he's not going to change anything then it is just time to leave. The guy really sounds like not so much of a prize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 He has told you you're second-best to a dog. And I know there are people who equate pets to being humans. Personally, I feel that is wrong and a bit strange but hey whatever floats your boat. But those people should be with other people who think exactly the same. I love my pets very much and think they deserve respect and love and care, but they are not humans. By trying to make a dog a human you take away the nature of it being a dog. It sounds like it's time to exit this relationship. When you are made second to a dog in terms of where you sleep and where you have your shower etc. etc. that's not worth it. It doesn't sound like he has a lot on the ball socially. You may think you won't find another friend in the world but believe me you will. And he is definitely somebody not ready to have a romantic relationship. It is time to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyalS818 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 Yeah. I understand. I was hoping it wouldn't come to that though. Thanks y'all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I am curious as to why you didn't know about this before you moved in with him. There must have been some experience watching tv with him, hanging out with him that showed you how he was. No matter, please take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyalS818 Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 I am curious as to why you didn't know about this before you moved in with him. There must have been some experience watching tv with him, hanging out with him that showed you how he was. No matter, please take care of yourself. No. I never went to his place before hand. I lived in another state and he always came to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Belk Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 I agree with you. I had a similar situation. I dated a girl who was a dog breeder. She treated those dogs like her kids. I was cool with the dogs, but I knew I was second place. If I was you I would make it abundantly clear of how you feel. Some people forget about human relationships when it comes to pets. I love animals as well, but I once dated a girl who fed her dog ice cream by hand. Ugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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