johndoe13 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Sorry I offended anyone. I by no means say it is the case for EVERYONE. The thing is that many times IT SEEMS that the FWB or FB is someone totally different than the actual boyfriend and totally different to what they WERE ATTRACTED TO. The boyfriend is not as fit and usually not as good in bed and usually gets less when it comes to nasty sex. Also many times the FWB or FB is someone the the girl is VERY attracted to but just can't have so they TRY to maintain a non-emotional attachment OR just stick to the sexual ARRANGEMENT hoping the guy gets attached which rarely happens since he does not respect the girl in the first place. I'm STILL insecure with my girlfriend. I've had several such girls (that have had Many casual relationships) want to add me to their ROTATION... even as No. 1. The thing is I'm a 1 girl type of guy and for some reason I'm scared (get anxious) that a person (woman) that can had non-emotional sex with a guy IN THE PAST MAY EASILY BE ABLE TO CHEAT. Specially if the girl was rotating 2 guys same time AT SOME POINT IN THEIR PAST. If it takes more than 1 man to satisfy you then how can 1 guy satisfy you for the rest of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Then you either need to... A. Not inquire about their sexual pasts B. Date on girls that you know are virgins. Otherwise you are only going to continue to cause yourself angst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johndoe13 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Then you either need to... A. Not inquire about their sexual pasts B. Date on girls that you know are virgins. Otherwise you are only going to continue to cause yourself angst. A. Good recommendation. But a lot of her past was not actively sought out by me. She started telling me a few things at the beginning, saw a few things here and there, I heard some of her friends make really ackward comments (such as do you have another sexual story from one of your trips...is this another guy from XXXX(a place she goes to )...then I got crazy and actively looked for any info I could find to find anything incriminating. I wish I would not not anything trust me!!! I told her that all these things I heard made me anxious. B. I'm nearly 40. I have no issue with non virgin girls. I know that on average it is easy to have slept with 10+ people...however, when the numbers are fuzzy, relationships are short-lived or casual, sex on vacations or ONS then you start getting nervous!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 OK, I think you have some real issues with viewing women in a sexist/old fashioned kind of way and are threatened by their sexuality or the idea that they might just really enjoy sex (regardless of with whom) and that disturbs you because of your own insecurities. What is most important in forming a deep bond and a long term relationship is to have similar views on important topics like sexuality and how it should be experienced/lived/used. It sounds like you have an ultra-conservative view towards sex and even refer at one point to 'nasty sex', so I think you deep down view women who are confident/enjoy their sexuality as threatening or 'bad'. Hence this woman is not the right choice for you, and you need to find a woman who is as conservative as you and who has old fashioned values about sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Wow, I wouldn't have guessed you were 40 but now that I know, let me ask you something. You've had sexual partners in your 20's, 30's? Did you ever sleep with someone that you weren't in a relationship with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johndoe13 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 who has old fashioned values about sex. When I say nasty sex I mean animalistic and not making love. Also, I think that a confident sexual women which I am all for is a woman that let's herself have pleasure when having sex, gives pleasure, opens her fantasies up and letting herself go when in the act ...I don't believe that it should mean sleeping with everyone that finds you attractive to get confidence from low self-esteem; MOST I MEAN MOST MEN VALUE WOMEN THAT DON't GIVE IT UP SO EASILY; ASK ANY MAN! I'VE HAD SEX WITH 2 WOMEN IN MY RELATIONSHIPS, 1 OLD FRIEND WHO HAD THE HOTS FOR ME AND 6 WOMEN I PAID FOR BECAUSE I WAS SO HORNY ABOUT 1 EVERY TWO YEARS. BEFORE you say anything I paid for these girls because I know I fall hard when I like a girl and I am single...so I paid because I knew it was a prostitute and it was her job...and I was not ready to date anyone...the last time I found doing with a prostitute to be even more GROSS so I have done it in at least 4 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I think the physical aspect of the relationship is extremely important. I think the quality of sex is almost as important as the other things in a relationship. Yet, I am not sure why many women don't chose based on how good the sex is...so they are left with old cravings. Sex is what makes us a boyfriend versus a best friend. Am I crazy? If you're basing a relationship on sexual compatibility as the main factor in a serious relationship, that's probably not going to turn out so well. Yes, you need the passion. But what about the rest? What if I want 5 children and he wants none? I want to live in the city and he wants to live in the country? I want to spend my weekends going to the museum and opera, he wants to watch football on the couch? Can't you see where even with an electric sex life, things just aren't going to work out? Back to your original post however, what do you mean by "She says things that make her sound like she is single?" Do you mean she is talking about hot guys, or making major decisions without consulting you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johndoe13 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Back to your original post however, what do you mean by "She says things that make her sound like she is single?" Do you mean she is talking about hot guys, or making major decisions without consulting you? I agree with everything you said of course sex is not the only thing: - When I say she acts like she is single here are the behaviour: - She has a habit (I think she does not notice to oogle guys; she does it less though) - She does not really let me know where she is going and does not ask me what I am up to - She also always logs out of her e-mail account and facebook...I started doing the same thing! - Nothing major, but she has not changed much of her actual life for me except my life has turned up side down - She does not see the need to contact each other during the day (at work) to say hi... I'm in a serious relationship with her and we are planning to buy a house. But I am still not going blindly; I'm afraid she may not be really into me AS SHE SHOULD but wants to settle for the sake of KIDS, HOUSE, STABILITY...vs. THE RIGHT REASONS, amazing companionship, great sex, passion and fun times. I told her lately I did not feel DESIRED BY HER. She mantioned her weight gain and some arguments we had last week that pushed her away somewhat. Anyways time will tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I agree with everything you said of course sex is not the only thing: - When I say she acts like she is single here are the behaviour: - She has a habit (I think she does not notice to oogle guys; she does it less though) so, she sometimes looks at guys. do you sometimes look at women? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I look at guys and my boyfriend looks at girls. I don't want anyone else, pretty sure he doesn't want anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I did read your other thread about her not being as 'warm' as you would like - she is less interested in sex than you, less affectionate, and doesn't call you as often as you would like. those are concerns, obviously, and you should talk to her to see what's going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johndoe13 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Yes I do sometimes, but never in front of her out of respect. And when I am with her I'm REALLY not interest in looking at anyone else. """did read your other thread about her not being as 'warm' as you would like - she is less interested in sex than you, less affectionate, and doesn't call you as often as you would like. those are concerns, obviously, and you should talk to her to see what's going on.""" I LIVE WITH HER BTW. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT SCARES ME! she is affectionate now at certain times during the day, but I think she does it because I told her many times It was important...She has told me that is how she is someone more logical, non emotional and independent AND DOES NOT TALK MUCH! But it was not the case at the beginning; she did text me and e-mail me. Also she told me once that with other boyfriends or men she was interested in she was very clingy, but with me she is functional...I TOOK IT AS A HUGE INSULT... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 in she was very clingy, but with me she is functional...I TOOK IT AS A HUGE INSULT... that's actually a positive thing - it sounds like she has a healthier relationship with you than some of those other guys. but i can see where you might get upset if you are reading it as "she doesn't like me as much as the other guys..." what do you love about her? what does she love about you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johndoe13 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 what do you love about her? I love way she is when she is excited about our relationship I love her simplicity I love that she always wants to be with me I love that she is smart and takes care of her things I love her face and her body; ;i am totally attracted to her I love making love to her what does she love about you? The way I look at her and that I make her feel pretty My commitment to her That I made her feel that love could last She finds me handsome That I am nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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