teddybearninja Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 I also have a question... When it comes to the divorce Im scared of going through with it because I might have more rights if Im still her husband. Is that true? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 You have to talk to an attorney that is licensed where she lives, provided she stays there and files there. In some states(Ohio, for example) one can't get a divorce when the woman is pregnant. Also, if she stays there and has the child there for 6+ months, that is considered the baby's home state - Or if there is no home state, the state in which there is significant connection. So all custody/visitation issues would be settled there. For example, if my ex had filed for a divorce where he lives, custody issues could not be addressed because HIS state can't assume jurisdiction over my son. Generally speaking. Talk to an attorney about those concerns. And a divorce WILL eventually happen if she wants one, in one way or another, regardless if you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 If you're not in the US, just ignore that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AE9876 Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 You really are being dragged through the mire. It seems like this woman has really got herself in a mess and you have got dragged down with her. I said a few posts back to get yourself some good legal advice. There is nothing you need to act on but you need to know what your position is and what would be in your best interests. There is no way of knowing why she is being so cold to you. She probably feels terrible in many ways and might find it easier to deal with you in this way as unfair as that may be. Whatever is going on here it is probably far less about you than anything (as ironic as that might sound). It truly is an awful turn of events for you and my heart goes out to you. It seems you have only tried to do the right thing. Whatever happens, hold your head up high and stay strong and try to be the bigger person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Stop asking "how the baby is doing" for now. The baby isn't born yet -- and at this point I think it's coming accross as a transparent attempt to underscore that she's pregnant with YOUR child. You need to work on restoring some goodwill between you, but I don't think that's going to happen until you've reached a point where you're able to STOP fighting to get her back and reached a point of acceptance about the breakup. The more you push for your rights, the more she's going to resent you. You continue to throw gasoline on the fire and she's fighting back with HER legal rights, which is to get the divorce done. If you make this about the how WRONG she is to have left you, and keep pushing based on the moral high ground that you have legal rights both to her and your unborn child..... you're going to end up with your parental rights stripped to the legal minimum. DON'T keep antagonizing her, back off for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doofus Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Get a lawyer, a good one if you can afford it. If the baby is yours and you want it, you've got a whale of a fight ahead of you most likely. You want the best allies you can get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddybearninja Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 I have started NC and am trying to accept what has happened. Im still in such a state of shock because I honestly felt this was the woman I was going to be with forever. I still cant believe how abruptly it all ended. Right now my main concern is making myself happy and the well being of this child. I still wish she would come back but at this point I know theres nothing I can do. Is it wrong of me to still want her back after all this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 It's understandable, but given how unlikely this is to occur -- and that you're going to have to work together as co-parents in the not-too-distant future -- it's in your best interest to work at letting this go. I've been down this road and I can tell you from experience that co-parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. You're talking about a relationship that is going to last the rest of your lives. But you can't start to create that new relationship until you've walked away from the romantic aspects first. Luckily you have time before the child is born to get yourself together and gradually work at mending bridges with her -- which imo anyway should be your first priority. Right now, she sounds like she feels backed into a corner and is threatening you with keeping your child from you and pushing for a divorce. I would advise you -- and any responsible divorce attorney would advise the same, I assume -- to do as much as possible to preserve the goodwill between you two. Don't push for anything, let her call the shots for now. If she wants to go ahead and get the paperwork filed, you want to cooperate. You want things to be amicable between you now. I understand you're heartbroken right now, but it's also important to keep a bigger perspective. In time you'll move on and eventually you'll fall in love again... but this child is going to be in your life forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AE9876 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I saw this post tonight and instantly thought of you. Have faith in yourself to overcome this. This could be you in 3 years or less. Best wishes. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AE9876 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I have started NC and am trying to accept what has happened. Im still in such a state of shock because I honestly felt this was the woman I was going to be with forever. I still cant believe how abruptly it all ended. Right now my main concern is making myself happy and the well being of this child. I still wish she would come back but at this point I know theres nothing I can do. Is it wrong of me to still want her back after all this? In short NO. And yes you are in shock right now - remember it is a type of grief. It won't always be this raw. You know that deep down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddybearninja Posted November 10, 2013 Author Share Posted November 10, 2013 So its been almost 2 months now since the split. The pain still lingers. I have good days and bad days. Things between me and her are still the same. No divorce yet but she still wants it. Im trying so hard to give her space but its still very hard. Im not rushing into another relationship but have been talking to several women. Not quite sure what direction my life is going yet. Just want to make the best of this terrible situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 You really have no business entertaining other women right now. Don't use others to make yourself feel better. It's a false sense of security, it's not going to help. Then you will be a massive bag of baggy baggage for the next person because you masked your grief with flirtations and dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgman Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Why does your post feel like copypaste? I think I've seen this before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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