Fray Bentos Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 If you don’t like being upfront and hitting on the ‘obvious’ girls the you could start looking in the quiet corners and at the back of the group for the girls who are not exhibitionists. I personally have no interest in approaching girls who are deliberately exuding over confidence; although they do tend to talk to you all the more if you ignore them. Plus I don’t really like make up, you go to bed with Barbie and wake up with Ken… (you know it’s true). Slap on enough war paint and a 3/10 becomes a 7/10 which probably explains how women claim to get laid easier, (I just wish it wasn’t at my expense) I am much happier approaching the girl on the fringes and asking if I can hide out back there with her for a while and watch the vultures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Yep....lol. She makes it sound so easy. Like getting a drink of water. It's actually not that hard. You just need to put yourself out there. Be friendly and don't be awkward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfan Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I disagree that 'any' woman can automatically get sex if she wants it. Guys are just as shallow as women when it comes to sex. I used to be fat, and I was not looking for a relationship in my early to mid twenties. I was ONLY looking for FWBs, but do you think I could find someone who was interested in no strings fun? Nope. Not one. The guys I knew were ALL interested in my more attractive female friends. I was always ignored. However, once I lost the weight, those SAME guys (exactly the same actually) suddenly and miraculously decided I was now "hot enough" to hit on. Funny, how that happens. That being said, being good looking doesn't automatically guarantee any action either. It could be that you are good looking but that you aren't these women's type, or you have no common interests. It could be that you are presenting yourself to them wrong (by thinking things like "I'll do her a 'favour' and go talk to her'. Here's a tip: Women like confidence, NOT arrogance) There could be a hundred and one reasons why hitting on these women isn't working out and they don't necessarily have anything to do with all these gender stereotypes that people love to throw around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 OP: Sometimes, a man is such a gentleman that the woman isn't clear of his intentions. The man thinks he is being nice, but really he is just avoiding sticking his neck out. How you manage yourself impacts your results. If you want casual and/or short-term relationships, then you need to be direct. Sometimes, women will follow your lead, on the strength of your confidence in it. Without your direction, they will just wander off (metaphorically and/or literally). on the other hand... The slow and steady turtle wins the race, if the turtle is willing to run a marathon. The other turtle that chooses to run with him, that turtle is the right match for a relationship. Both turtles will have missed out on a lot of casual sex and short serial relationships along the way, and that's okay with them, if different from many of their friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 It's actually not that hard. You just need to put yourself out there. Be friendly and don't be awkward. That's very good advice...for a woman. If a man took that advice, he'd die a virgin. When women look for qualities in a man, they take "friendly and non-awkward" for granted, because they can afford to. Most women are looking for something more than those very basic requirements. Women just need to show up and be sane/polite (and, yes, attractive, which should go without saying). Men need to do much, much, much more in order to make something work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 That's very good advice...for a woman. If a man took that advice, he'd die a virgin. When women look for qualities in a man, they take "friendly and non-awkward" for granted, because they can afford to. Most women are looking for something more than those very basic requirements. Women just need to show up and be sane/polite (and, yes, attractive, which should go without saying). Men need to do much, much, much more in order to make something work. You're comparing an unattractive man to an attractive woman. I know attractive guy friends who have an easier time obtaining sex than I do. And a much easier time of getting a woman to commit to them than I would a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 You're comparing an unattractive man to an attractive woman. I know attractive guy friends who have an easier time obtaining sex than I do. And a much easier time of getting a woman to commit to them than I would a man. No, I'm not. I'm saying that, on average, women have a much easier time getting sex than men, and that they have to do much less to get romantic interests. In fact, I'll go even further and say that a slightly-unattractive woman is in a better situation than a slightly-attractive man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorem Ipsum Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I disagree that 'any' woman can automatically get sex if she wants it. I said if you weren't picky. You wanted a FWB situation with someone you knew and somewhat trusted, not no-strings with a stranger. Of course your guy friends gave you the pass over, they would have had to answer to all the others in the group and see you later. That's a totally different dynamic. The right dive bar, enough alcohol and you could have gotten laid. It may not have been great (or even good) and you probably would have wound up with at least one STD, but you could have gotten sex. A whole host of other problems around self-esteem and self worth but sex. Nowadays (said getting out walker), there are even websites that cater to BBW for guys who prefer that body type. The stereotype of hookers we see in movies and on TV shows is that they're fairly attractive, even the streetwalkers. The actual look of many streetwalkers, not so much. One of my former co-workers was really angry one morning because the car he was in had stopped at a light and some "disgusting" hooker tapped on the window and asked if he was looking for a "date". He couldn't believe they were out that early in the day. The area of town our building was in wasn't exactly the best area of town. I said to him that they wouldn't be out there if there weren't customers. One of the other people I worked with knew of a woman in their neighbourhood who was a paraplegic in a wheelchair -- that's not to say that the handicapped don't deserve love and affection but when you consider the sorts of things that happen to sex trade workers (rape, abuse, drug dependency, violence), it's hard to imagine someone being in a wheelchair and exposing themselves to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Guys, can we please get back on topic. The question was "Do women have higher expectations for attractive guys? What if there's an attractive guy who is shyer than she thought or inexperienced? Is this suddenly a turn-off, as if now she assumes there must be something else up with him for him not to be very smooth and experienced with women? Is an attractive guy expected to have a much higher level of confidence and if he doesn't have that much he's dismissed as insecure, even if he still has some confidence in him?" Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorem Ipsum Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Allrighty then. It depends. It depends on the guy and the girl involved. There isn't any one-size-fits-all answer to this. We all have preconceived notions about people when we first meet them. Once you get to know them better, it's whether or not you can like the other person's truth and accept it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roo08 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 ^ THIS. So many people seem to think that just because they are good looking, stunning, gorgeous, beautiful etc etc, that somehow the opposite sex will be falling at their feet. It doesn't work that way. Personality IS the key. It is the drawing card, no matter how good looking they are. If all they have to offer is their looks, but have no personality to go with those looks, then not many people will be falling at their feet (imo). I've worked with two stunning looking people in the past. The woman thought she owned the world, she was so full of herself, constantly preening herself in front of anyone who looked at her and it was seriously off-putting. NO-ONE liked her. The guy - stunningly handsome, but so boring and dull, like a dead fish, lol. No-one was drawn to him either. Looks = nothing. Personality = everything. I think only someone who's never experienced both being perceived as "unattractive" and "beautiful" would say something like that. Those who've known me most of my life have called me "duckling-to-swan" ... you can have the same personality, but it can be night and day how you're treated when men think you're "unattractive" as opposed to when they think you're "attractive". And there are some things that are no picnic on either side of the fence. If they think you're "unattractive", you know why they don't talk to you ... when more people think you're "attractive", you get harassed (if you don't want to speak to someone because they scare you and you don't know them, you can get followed down the street with some guy yelling after you "Oh - you think you're TOO GOOD FOR ME???") and you spend a fair amount of time wondering if men like you just because of how you look. And if they'd stop liking you if you didn't always look exactly the same. Which isn't even possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Attractive people have more options. That is all. I have no idea how this fact of life impacts women's expectations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chr8st8na Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Interesting topic... I don't have higher expectations 4 goodlooking guys but I do make some premature assessments of his character- like he's a player, a flirt, experienced... etc. I'm sure the same with guys when they see an attractive girl (but instead of flirt, say 'promiscuous' haha) --Interesting to pt out that the goodlooking guys I have gone out with were total MOMMY boys... You think there on the phone with another girl, and its usually their mom checking up on them Any way... I agree, goodlooking people have more options. But i think its harder for goodlooking females to a certain degree. Guys actually get better with age (looks and character-wise) in general, and ladies not so much on looks esp when men are usually drawn to a female on physical appearances. Roo, I totally understand... Truth is, guys are physical creatures. Ive learned to accept that most guys Ive dated or had LTR just like me for my looks and semi-appreciate my other qualities lol. Even if they get attached to me because I am a good listener or smart or witty... I don't like getting treated like a Courtesan lol. There are guys out there who will want a relationship with you because they like the whole package and not just based on looks alone. But guys only get to that point when they are really looking to settled down with someone who is wife material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 As a reasonably attractive woman, I'm eagerly awaiting my entourage of suitors who are competing over me. Any day now... ...aaannnny day now... Back on topic, people tend to place labels and stereotypes on others because it feels better to think you understand how the world works. It's certainly not limited to gender. As for your specific question, you're sort of half right on part of it. A good-looking guy is generally expected to be more confident and a lady's man. But not so much in the sense that not being so would disappoint a woman or turn her off. In most cases it would be more like, "Huh, someone as cute as him would have no problem attracting a girlfriend. He doesn't have one? What a surprise." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John John Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I have been on both ends of the spectrum actually, and I believe (at least, from my experience) that confidence, how you carry yourself, and your "perceived value" play into womens' expectations with men. When I was in college, I didn't know what I was doing because I had gone to an all boy high school. My weight also fluctuated a bit more back then because I wasn't working out regularly and didn't have my diet on point the way I do now. Back then, it was hard for me to get dates with attractive girls, and when I did, I screwed em up because I was too nice. And I believe that being too nice to a woman lowers your perceived value, which in turn diminishes attraction and expectations. But after I got some experience, got in better shape, fixed my hair/teeth, increased my confidence...now most girls I go out with assume I have tons of girls after me (which isn't true). I'm not sure if it was my looks or my confidence/"inner game"...but it's been like night and day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelty24 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I expect a good looking guy to be confident and by confident I mean-he does not try to follow the crowd like a sheep thinking that he needs to bang X amount of girls in order to live up to some stupid stereotype.. I prefer quality over quantity and its a turn off for me if hes slept around.. actually its a deal breaker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agatha Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 actually, I have pretty low expectations when talking to handsome guys because I end up assuming they always had it so easy they never bothered about working on themselves on the inside (fb is a great place to see the hs jocks turn into fat womanizers with little to add but their sexual expertise, actually). in the past I've used that to my advantage when looking for nsa sex, so maybe that's why your girls have been running. they thought they were with the male version of a air-headed bimbo and ended up realizing they had someone with some stuffing they didn't want to mess with... or maybe you do need to get a little bit more experience, who knows Xp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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