I am going to lose him

[travelgirl]

I have been dating his guy for 3 months. We've become really close and seriious pretty quickly. The problem is that I have this problem where I have huge expectations about things that we do, and if he doesn't behave exactly as I want him to, I get upset. I've told him about this once, and he is so shocked that I'm upset, he thought nothing was wrong. I blame myself if something goes wrong with us,and live in this constant fear of losing him. He knows none of this, but I'm scared I'm driving him away. How can I start thinking more positively about our relationship?

[bader]

Read MenAreFromMarsWomenAreFromVenus it will help you understand the dynamic of the male mind.

 

If you want I can email the ebook version of it to you.

[bat_grrl]

I have heard that is a great book...I haven't had the chance to pick up a copy myself, but would like to read it sometime.

 

I find myself doing the same thing - having certain expectaions of how my bf should behave or react in relation to our relationship and emotions. I think I expect that he should behave, think, act, feel and express himself in the same way that I do. When he doesn't, then I start to analyze things and worry and it just causes problems.

 

It does help to realize that we can't expect people to be just the way we are. I think reading that book may help though. I have heard people say it did help them understand why their bf/gf behaved in certain ways...

[EarthGirl2010]

I'm going through kind of the same thing. I've been with my boyfriend for six months now and it's been awesome. The past two months though, I've been analyzing every little thing to death.

We've been having lots of talks, at my request. He is wonderful, but for some reason, I keep having those insecure feelings. He's been having to constantly reassure me that nothing's wrong. And I know he's right. I just need to lighten up. I feel like if I don't chill out I will drive him away.

I've been doing research on the internet on positive thinking, and positive relationships..It's helping. I highly reccomend this.

I'm not exactly sure what you are analyzing to death, but whatever triggers these thoughts, maybe you should avoid those situations, if possible.

It's not easy, I'm finding, to change your outlook on things, but if you work on it, little by little, it will change.

I'm finally looking around and realizing that I'm lightening up.

Good luck!

[bat_grrl]

My boyfriend asked me the otherday why I analyze everything he says...and of course I take it to mean something negative. He said he has learned to just accept that it is the way I am, that I need extra reassurance. The thing is, I don't want to be that way. He will only put up with it for so long and rightly so.

 

You are right, positive thinking works wonders. It is difficult but it can become a habit just like the negative thinking has become. I have tried to do less over-analyzing things and just let things come as they may. If something happens, I will deal with it at that time. If I constantly think bad things will happen, they certainly will. If I try to think positive, then I help set in motion positive outcomes...well that is my opinion anyway.

 

Now, with that, if I can begin to take my own advice a little more often..LOL