Dabbadoo Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Well, you might not be ready to find out what they are hiding! I just looked through my boyfriend's old phone now that he got a new one. Wow. My ex did the same thing. After we divorced, he confessed that he was hiding inappropriate conversations with a female. He also left his phone face down so in case someone called, so that you couldn't see the number or contact info. Also left the ringer on vibrate or off. Scandalous! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liraele Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I would just ask about it. It seems like he is being somewhat secretive on top of adding the lock code, which could be a cause for concern. Or it could be nothing. Maybe he's planning a surprise for you. Only way to know is to ask him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelty24 Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 This is a red flag. Hes hiding something from you. Put a lock on your phone and start acting secretive-see what he accuses you of and he will accidently without realizing it tell you himself what hes hiding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 This is a red flag. Hes hiding something from you. Put a lock on your phone and start acting secretive-see what he accuses you of and he will accidently without realizing it tell you himself what hes hiding. This is far worse than saying something or even not saying anything. Why play games with someone you're in an intimate relationship with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unreasonable Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 That is not true. People who have nothing to hide do not lock their phones. I lock my phone. I also lock my work computer when not in use. It's not because I'm 'hiding something', it's so some random joe can't go and read my personal e-mail, facebook, contacts, etc. You have heard of this thing called 'privacy,' right? I have my credit card tied to google play, and do other e-commerce stuff on it. Imo, NOT locking a smart phone is a reckless practice in general. I also almost always take my phone when I go to to the bathroom to read or play games while I'm taking a steaming dump. What business is that of anyone? If he's locking his phone, he really has no reason to 'hide' the phone from you. That's redundant. While it's a nicety I suppose, I also do not think there is any obligation to give out passwords and stuff to my significant other. I trust and love my parents too. Do I give them my all my account credentials? No. The timing of this change in behavior could be suspect I suppose, but I wouldn't automatically assume something terrible is going on and start interrogating him. EVERYONE that makes it a practice to lock their phone had to start sometime. Keep a vigilant eye, but don't snoop and don't get all in his face until there are OTHER reasons to believe something's up. It's one thing to find a lipstick stain on a collar, it's another thing to find a dry cleaning receipt and assume it was to get rid of a lipstick stain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelty24 Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 This is far worse than saying something or even not saying anything. Why play games with someone you're in an intimate relationship with? Well she cant gain access to his phone or figure out his password and hes not gonna tell her the truth if she asks him straight coz people always lie when up to something. If she wants the truth shes gotta be sneaky. And dont give me a lecture about moral BS-he already crossed that path so why cant she Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 But if you suspect something why not leave? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Well she cant gain access to his phone or figure out his password and hes not gonna tell her the truth if she asks him straight coz people always lie when up to something. If she wants the truth shes gotta be sneaky. And dont give me a lecture about moral BS-he already crossed that path so why cant she Because two wrongs don't make a right, and if that's a lecture so be it. Kindergarten children learn that. And I can't imagine a relationship therapist on the planet that would recommend playing games to address a couple's problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liraele Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Well she cant gain access to his phone or figure out his password and hes not gonna tell her the truth if she asks him straight coz people always lie when up to something. If she wants the truth shes gotta be sneaky. And dont give me a lecture about moral BS-he already crossed that path so why cant she Maybe he's not "up to something," though. That is always a possibility. If you are in a mature relationship, you talk. You don't just start going through their stuff. Talk first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelty24 Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 But then your just giving him the opportunity to cover his tracks better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 If you don't trust someone there is ZERO point in being with them. You just leave and go find yourself a relationship with somebody you do trust. And if you don't trust anybody sort yourself out and then get in a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mesemene Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Well she cant gain access to his phone or figure out his password and hes not gonna tell her the truth if she asks him straight coz people always lie when up to something. If she wants the truth shes gotta be sneaky. And dont give me a lecture about moral BS-he already crossed that path so why cant she She doesn't know he's crossed anything. She suspects it because his behavior has changed. Suspicion doesn't give anyone carte blanche to go through another person's personal crap. You sit down and talk, and see what the other person says. If they get overly defensive or aggressive, then you decide based on their behavior and answers whether your suspicions are more than likely well founded, and go from there. Not saying it's at ALL likely, but how do you think the guy would feel if he was planning some sort of elaborate surprise for christmas and it was blown because his loving gf didn't even have enough consideration to TALK to him??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liraele Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 But then your just giving him the opportunity to cover his tracks better Violating someone's privacy when they obviously want it isn't going to win you any points, either; and you still may not get what you were looking for, but you've now added a breach of trust on your part. You may not get the truth if you ask for it, but when you care about someone, you should give them the opportunity to give it to you. Open communication takes two, and is one of the most important things that builds a strong relationship. Don't get me wrong - I've done the snooping thing. Even at my lowest, though... I tried talking about it first. Ultimately, my fear was well-founded, but that doesn't mean that is going to be the case for 100% of people, or that in this instance this particular individual is actually doing something wrong. Case-by-case basis. Don't play games, though. Locking your own phone and acting secretive is playing a game and deliberately manipulating someone's emotions, which is just crappy and childish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelty24 Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Just to clarify guys i am in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful man who i trust with all my heart and i would never invade his privacy unless he gave me a reason to. No matter how much you love someone or trust someone and think they will never hurt you-people can and do change for the worst sometimes. If i had reason to suspect something then i would want to find proof before confronting him. Many people have manipulated their partner into believing more and more lies once they are caught and id rather not go through the pain of that. People always say "you will know by their reaction" but that is very easy for an outsider to say. When you are in that situation with a person you trust-its very easy to fall for their sweet words and lies. That is why i feel its better not to confront without proof coz you could end up never knowing. Ive seen stories here like "suspected he cheated 10 years ago but he swore he hadnt, now just found out he did" if i lived a lie like that for 10 years i would want the ground to open up and swallow me-so many years wasted on the wrong man.. no thanks yes i no communication and trust are two very important aspects to a relationship but if you think trust has been broken-that changes things and most of the time your gut instinct is right so you will find what your looking for however telling him you suspect just makes him more careful.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 yes i no communication and trust are two very important aspects to a relationship but if you think trust has been broken-that changes things and most of the time your gut instinct is right so you will find what your looking for So basically you're saying that if you think the trust has broken, it doesn't matter what he thinks, and you're going through his things without his knowledge? Maybe most of the time *your* gut instinct is right, but that is not necessarily the case for everyone. Some people are just paranoid, or looking for problems, or incredibly insecure. So if there wasn't a broken trust, then they create one by violating their partner's privacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelty24 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Its been a year. She has never suspected anything before. Now his behaviour has changed all of a sudden and her gut is saying something is wrong. Id listen to that. He didn't just put a lock on his phone, hes also acting different and secretive. That is a red flag. If she asks him now whats up he may just delete everything and buy a secret phone so she will never know. Telling a cheat your on to them is idiotic coz they just think "crap better be more careful" and most cheaters will lie even if caught red handed. My ex cheated on me 7 years ago and still wouldn't admit it now if you asked him even though everyone knows he did lol. Even she eventually admitted it and he still swore black and blue.. cheaters cheat, liars lie. That is what they do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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