shivamoon Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 A lot of woman can't orgasm with penetration alone, they need clot stimulation, or a combination. Have you got a vibrator? Try using is while having sex. The biggest part of having an orgasm is the mental side. If you are not comfortable, confident, etc, you won't orgasm. I have been able to give myself an orgasm since I was a child, but I didn't orgasm with a man for 3 years after becoming sexually active. As I have gotten older, the easier it has become because I know what want and I am not afraid to ask for it. You need to be able to make yourself orgasm before anyone else can! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger1 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 yeah I'm the same. I've only had sex with one guy though and I never had an orgasm. I didn't affect HIS sex at all, hell he coulda had sex with a pillow and done fine, lol, but it definitely bothered him that he couldn't get me to do it. Like you say, I just told him to not worry about it. I have tried experimenting on my own, but yeah, I'm not into it and it feels like a chore. I didn't particularly enjoy sex with that previous partner, so it will be interested what will happen with future partners...whenever that may be. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Do you have a low sex drive? I do understand that for many women the mechanics of having an orgasm with a partner can be trickier than for others. What I don't understand about your post is the lack of desire on your end to want to experience it for yourself. As in "just not interested". I can only chaulk this up to the fact that you haven't experienced it and don't have the base to know how good it feels. It feels great! Double great to share it with someone! Don't worry about what the guy is wanting you to do or not; orgasm or not. You are responsible for your own pleasure. And you have the right to pursue that and choose that however you wish. But think of it this way. When you are with a man, doesn't it feel amazing to see him so into it and knowing how amazing he is feeling? Isn't it awesome to watch and hear and know he is experiencing something with you that gives him crazy pleasure all over? That experience; of knowing and experiencing with you, you having that kind of wonderful experience and pleasure, is what he is expressing he would like. Maybe I'm off base; but i think most people really like this - sharing as much pleasure together in bed as is possible. It's not a performance. It's not about ego. And it's a good thing for a man cares about pleasuring you. Much better than if he didn't care at all! For some of us, sex and security really go hand in hand. The safer we feel with someone, the more we want to explore it. Maybe that is the case for you....and you just don't feel safe enough at this point to really want to explore it ...because you want to and no other reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I have experienced this in reverse, they guy not coming but being very happy with sex regardless. He had never come through sex so for him it was normal. I was personally very concerned and it was one of the main reasons I finished the relationship. To be honest I think for you it is all related to fear, you are scared of men, of your own self, you find it hard to trust the man, you don't trust your own feelings and thoughts..there is so much fear going on on a subconscious level, I am sure you seem fine on the surface. But I find it hard to believe that you don't care to have an orgasm. You have just got used to not caring, to not exploring, to not being free basically. I think a man that cares for you and wants a fulfiling sexual experience will wonder what's behind it and will want to help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Share Posted December 2, 2013 Thanks for all the posts!! I have a healthy sex drive but I guess I could be more confident in the bedroom sometimes. And it does take a lot for me to feel safe for a guy- but on the paradox, some of the best sex I've had has been with "bad" guys who I know aren't into me but they've turned me on loads. But then I don't feel safe enough to have an orgasm. I don't know....it just never seems to get there and if it does I start thinking about it and it stops happening. So I don't really know what to do....I feel if he just keeps going I'll get bored Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Share Posted December 2, 2013 Yes quirky you're really right I think I'm just scared on a subconscious level I don't feel I've ever been able to really let go and not think about how I'm looking, whether he is enjoying it etc.......not sure how to have one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Share Posted December 2, 2013 I just wonder if it puts guys off as they want a girl who can orgasm but oh well what can I do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Hm, I would be wary of a person who doesn't have regular orgasms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelty24 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Why havnt you tried to give yourself one? Theres so many different things you can try. Perhaps you havnt found the hot spot? For most women its a mm or 2 above the clit. Stimulating the hood (skin around the clit) works for most. have you tried toys? Humping? Your hand? Shower head? Different things work for different women. You could try a suction pump (never tried that but heard it works well) Maybe when you tried you were too gentle-perhaps be a little rougher or try some lube. Get a sex toy designed for gspot and clit and stimulate both at the same time. Your really missing out here and the only way to orgasm is keep trying till you figured it out. Ive never had any issues. I learned myself at 12/13... and have never had an issue with my bf. The better you no your own body, the better sex is for both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I think she mentioned she doesn't like doing it for her self...and I think that therein lies the issue. It's not so much about sex, but how she thinks about sex, having sex, having an orgasm and about physically playing with herself, as crude as that may seem. That's a mental block and until it's broken, the orgasm will remain elusive. Chick or the egg, once the orgasm happens, the resistance to self pleasure sort of diminishes...between it feeling good, and the removal of the mental hang ups about doing it, it's self rewarding. I didn't figure masturbation out until I was 18, and I have the Easy parts... Just remember, it's your body to be there for you first. Enjoy it. The better you understand how it works, the more pleasure you're going to bring your partner. There's nothing better than knowing you're giving a girl an incredible orgasm, and I don't mean by words or touch, but by the motion that is rippling through her entire lower torso. That cannot be replicated nor faked... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Thanks for all the posts!! I have a healthy sex drive but I guess I could be more confident in the bedroom sometimes. And it does take a lot for me to feel safe for a guy- but on the paradox, some of the best sex I've had has been with "bad" guys who I know aren't into me but they've turned me on loads. But then I don't feel safe enough to have an orgasm. I don't know....it just never seems to get there and if it does I start thinking about it and it stops happening. So I don't really know what to do....I feel if he just keeps going I'll get bored I think pursuing those 'bad boys' is probably harmful for you. And contributing to the problem. You are reinforcing that sex is something unhealthy, something dangerous, something 'bad', something that never leads to satisfaction. Sex and orgasms can be all sorts of things. It actually makes sense to me that you would pursue bad guys and find them hot, get turned on by that, yet never really find satisfaction nor an orgasm there. There isn't emotional safety and connection there - it's just a place where you have given yourself permission to be physical. Because you seem to be very concerned about what a man may think and want - but with a bad guy who you know doesn't really care about you, you maybe don't worry so much about that. About what they want either, or letting them down, so you maybe feel a bit less inhibited (in a superficial way) with them. I think you should explore this more with yourself to start. Get comfy with your own body. Take it there...take to "I'm getting bored"...or whatever else you may feel. Explore it in safety and try not to judge yourself or whatever happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anara Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Have you tried a vibrator+porn/imagination, alone? If you had one when you were young, maybe you formed some sort of mental block that prevents you from having them. I had this issue, with a twist. I could not orgasm with a partner, even with oral sex or a vibrator, I could only orgasm completely alone with a vibrator or manual clitoral stimulation. What would happen is I'd get close, close... close... Then suddenly I'd be paying too much attention to the whole situation and over think it, and the feeling would pass. That happened every single time. Then I found a partner that wanted to try anything he could to make me orgasm, we tried for about a month... Then it finally happened, and it was easier every time after that, like I had jumped over a hurdle of some sort. Try with a vibrator, use porn if you want... Try to focus on how good it feels, keep your legs tense, focus all your thoughts to your nether region, stay focused on the feeling, right before you can't take any more, you might get really sensitive and your body might start to tense up a lot.. Don't pay attention to that, just keep paying attention to how good your clitoris feels or think about something you consider extremely hot, like imagine you are getting bonked right then and there. That's how I have to do it at least. BTW you might want to try a vibrator brand called LELO during sex, if you're really comfortable with your partner. It's small but powerful so you can hold it directly on yourself and have sex at the same time, it's helped me A LOT with my difficulties reaching orgasm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 So in the last week it dawned on me why it's so important to a man for women to be able to orgasm. I mentioned before how it feels to a man when a woman has an orgasm. What I failed to mention was an experience even more elusive, an experience so rare that I can count occurrences on one hand. The Simultaneous Orgasm. It's almost an out-of-body experience. That being said, it's rare - in all the time I was with my first ex, 2.5 years, we perhaps experienced it three times at the most, perhaps closer to twice. Obviously, you have to be able to experience orgasm first. I bring this up only as encouragement, to share another angle behind why it is so worth putting every thought you've had against anything and everything that might work and simply learning how to do it. If you never do, don't feel sad - Some couples go their entire lives without experiencing it, others, well, we can all be envious together... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragunov-21 Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 So in the last week it dawned on me why it's so important to a man for women to be able to orgasm While I agree about the whole amazing thing, I'm still unconvinced the majority of it is anything other than ego... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 When all egos are satisfied, nirvana is achieved... Think about it, if and when she doesn't get you off, who does she feel? It's not as common of an issue, but I can assure you it weighs just as heavily on a woman if her man won't orgasm as it does on a man if his woman won't orgasm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 Thank guys, I am worrying now that men are going to be turned off if I don't and can't....and definitely going to try it on my own more. My problem is I just don't enjoy it on my own that much....but am going to try these suggestions!! Are there any instances where a woman just can't?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Thank guys, I am worrying now that men are going to be turned off if I don't and can't....and definitely going to try it on my own more. My problem is I just don't enjoy it on my own that much....but am going to try these suggestions!! Are there any instances where a woman just can't?? Yes, I am sure there are, so don't beat yourself up too much if you absolutely can't...ahem, bad word choice! I will tell you this much, being a man who didn't learn how to masturbate until I was 18. Everything up to the actual orgasm wasn't all that enjoyable, which is perhaps why I went so long without doing. Once I hit it, though, everything clicked why I might enjoy doing this and often. It's a roller coaster ride with a ten hour car ride before it, the car ride does NOT look like any fun but then when you finally get to the theme park you forget all about it!!! Keep a towel handy, just in case, so if you feel weird, you won't stop because you're afraid you might leak. Chances are you won't, but you may feel like you will, and that could in and of itself mentally stop you from proceeding further. Don't worry about men being turned off about this, a good man is going to love you regardless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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