Ms Darcy Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Betty I think I understand how you feel. If the worst case scenario is happening and he is pulling away the best thing you can do is to let him. Three months is around the time lots of people decide if they want to have a relationship. So that may be happening. Let that happen. Do your best to stay busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 OK, so i apologized, he said not a big deal don't worry and haven't heard from him yet. That was Friday night. How long is ok to wait? How long to wait before what, contacting him? I wouldn't. He knows how to reach you. You're already hyper-sensitive to every nuance. You're likely to interpret everything this guy does, says or breathes as treating you like a pest. So do the opposite of pesty. Demonstrate that you have your own life by living your own life. When things normailze for this guy, he knows where to find you. If he doesn't contact you, you'll have an answer you don't like, but it will be the only answer you need. If he does contact you, don't treat him as someone who has kept you waiting, bored and watching bad TV. You either have a life of your own to live enjoyably and productively, or you need to get one. Either way, nobody wants to be focused on like a laser beam by someone with nothing else going on. Head high, and walk your focus FORward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 I agree three months is around the period for some decisions but what keeps me hoping is that when we had a fight a week ago and didn't talk for few days he was the one to reach for me and we were both willing to work things out. Everything seemed perfect on Sunday night, but on Monday morning he left for work (and that morning his boss was coming from Europe) and here is the week of horrible agony. I know I will have the answer in few days but the waiting is killing me. Btw. I've recently lost my job and have too much free time so every minute feels like a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 I've recently lost my job and have too much free time so every minute feels like a year. I understand. Why do you think that this was obvious? Why not start the week by waking up everyday and visiting a different temp agency to apply and test and get on their rosters for temp work? This is how companies are trying out new employees these days--very few hire cold without this kind of trial period. Too much expense and legalities in getting rid of bad fits. Give yourself a reward after completing each application process. Take some pressure off yourself by understanding that you can revisit any agency where you didn't test well to raise your skill scores. They may claim they have nothing right now, but they all say that. The idea is to get in their 'active' pool for the next job that comes in. Most placements are private and have never been offered to the public. Also, it makes no difference whether a given temp job matches even remotely a role you're more qualified to perform. The relationship between say, a product manger and a mailroom clerk doesn't matter. It's the opportunity to demo your work ethic, maturity and soft skills they can't screen for that gets you in the door to apply from within for internal opportunities more suitable for you. Start with a radius of agencies close to home, then expand outward. It was the agency most distant from my home that I believed was a waste of time that actually placed me in a temp role 10 minutes from my home, where I was later welcomed to create my own role. I've been there 7 years--the longest I've ever held a job, and I still love it. Head high, and focus on your Self. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 Thanks catfeeder, I am trying to apply and stay focused but it is hard. Thanks for your reply, i will see what I can do. Btw. What do you mean ' being obvious'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Thanks catfeeder, I am trying to apply and stay focused but it is hard. Thanks for your reply, i will see what I can do. Btw. What do you mean ' being obvious'? Your attitudes in your posts and behavior with this guy demo that you have nothing else on your plate to do but pick at nits. That's why I keep punching the word 'productive,' because you've been spinning your own unproductive mind-drill that's digging you into a hole. Unemployment isn't a crime, but it doesn't make anyone great dating material. In your case it has you inventing worst case scenarios and behaving toward this guy 'as if' they are so. You've basically shown this guy that you're so bored and unproductive you have nothing better to do that sit on the sidelines of his life as an armchair critic seeking attention and throwing comments at him. Someone who's mature and engaged in her own life doesn't need to do that--it wouldn't occur to her. You need to form a schedule, put on work clothes, and go hit the pavement to seek work. That will give you goals and a focus, it will build confidence, and it will keep you from the minds spins that will sabotage your chances of forming and keeping a good relationship. Give yourself a nice reward after each agency visit, and be kind to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 PS - I forgot to mention, sitting home and applying for work on line is not the same thing, and it's not effective. Agencies will only call you in for an interview if their in-person applicants don't meet requirements. It's very rare. The idea is to get in their 'active' pool, and that only takes place after an in-person interview. Phone them up and schedule one per day, at least 3 per week. Applying on line is a waste of time--it just goes into a black bot hole unless nobody else who's physically shown up can fill the position. Go show up. (Fingers crossed for you.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 Thanks catfeeder, I really appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QtPie Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Its three months since me and my ex were together last. So officially 3.5 months no contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 PS - I forgot to mention, sitting home and applying for work on line is not the same thing, and it's not effective. Agencies will only call you in for an interview if their in-person applicants don't meet requirements. It's very rare. The idea is to get in their 'active' pool, and that only takes place after an in-person interview. Phone them up and schedule one per day, at least 3 per week. Applying on line is a waste of time--it just goes into a black bot hole unless nobody else who's physically shown up can fill the position. Go show up. (Fingers crossed for you.) Completely agree that networking, putting your face out there, building relationships is what helps you get the job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 ok, guys, I got a job offer today. Ok, at least something. Since i haven't heard from him for two days, I am kind of done with him. I can overlook the sarcastic remark, but he had the whole weekend and didn't contact me... Thanks for your support. I will update you if he does contact me but it is going to be too late for him, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Congrats on the job offer! Let us know how it goes if you you'd care to. Fingers crossed that you'll enjoy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Congrats on the job!!! What is the field? Look ... love don't buy you food. The job is much more important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 He texted me last night (Monday night), to see how I was doing and to tell me he was thinking about me...blah, blah. Somehow, I just can't believe it after I didn't hear from him the whole weekend. Anyway, it is easier to handle this after I got busy with my life again. That is a great and best advice for these kinds of situations. Get busy, get a life. (though not always easy to do) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Good for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Ok, guys. I need your opinion again. So, after the whole weekend went by without one single text or a call, he texted me on Monday ( I already mentioned that) and then again for Halloween saying that " he is very busy, hasn't heard from me for a while and would like to see me." He was like: "let me know when ypu are free". I feel like he should try harder, he again left everything up to me. Any thoughts on this. What do I do? Wait for him to show some more interest or call him? Guys, would you send a text like that if you really care about a girl? Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 So he has a pattern of only texting you on Monday's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 So he has a pattern of only texting you on Monday's? No, after his rare texts during the week, he totally disappeared for the weekend and then texted me first on Monday and then on HAlloween evening asking me out ( but actually saying call me when you are free). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betty101 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 I just hate that attitude " let me know when you are free". Sounds like he is not that interested in seeing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 Pretty passive. He could call. I would just move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 I just hate that attitude " let me know when you are free". Sounds like he is not that interested in seeing me. If you want to see this guy, stop belaboring semantics and tell him when you want to see him. If you're clear that this guy is never going to deliver you a package wrapped exactly the way you want it, then spare yourself all the complaints and move forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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