My Boyfriend and I

[annabellevicto]

Hi everyone! I just really need to vent and get some advice. I hope this won't be too long for you guys.

 

My boyfriend, let's call him Jim, and I have been dating a little over six months. We were distant friends for about a year and a half before we got really close.

 

He ended up asking me out, and I said yes. I had some doubts about it, though, because he had a lot of female friends and talked to all of his exes. Still, I decided to give it a shot since I was going to collge the next year, and if it didn't work out, we both wouldn't feel awkward.

 

So on the first day he asked me out, we had the discussion of sex. He had started to make out with me, and I felt uncomfortable so I told him to stop. Then he was pressuring me into it, saying "don't you want to be goood for the future?" Also, he told me he loved me on the first day. He couldn't have meant it.

 

The second time we hung out, he asked for sex, and I told him no. I know this should have been a red flag, but I don't know why I didn't break up with him right there.

 

We were walking together a month into the relationship, and I had said I had some doubts about us. He suggested that we just be friends with benefits. I confronted him about it preseng day, and he claims that he was just joking. I don't recall him laughing or smiling when he said it. I know he was lying to me.

 

He also doesn't do what he says. He said he would take me to a garden months ago, and it's winter now. We still havn't been. The only thing that he seems to be interested in doing with me is sex. I decided to have sex with him because I just wanted the experience. At first, he was loving and actually made love to me. Now, all he does is have sex. There is no intimacy. Also, I can say that he is selfish in bed, since he doesn't ever do the things that I like, but I always do the things that he likes.

 

Another thing is that whenever we hang out to go to the movies or whatnot, he always wants sex before or after. I don't mind this, since I have an appetite for it, but when I want to do something like just going for a walk, he finds an excuse not to. For example, he invited me to go trick or treating with his little brother, but once he found out that I couldn't make it to our usual date night on Friday if I went trick or treating, he made up excuses for not being able to take me.

 

Recently, I asked for his Facebook password, and he kept trying to distract me with other things. I know I should respect his privacy, so I wasn't really going to look through it. I was just watching for his reaction, which shows me that he's hiding something.

 

We've had big arguments about him not keeping his word and his indirectness. By that, I mean he beats around the bush a lot and makes up excuses.

 

Other things he does that I don't like: talks behind his friends' backs, makes fun of people, and tells a bunch of white lies.

 

I know that I shouldn't just look at the bad things. He's a sweet guy with actual goals for his future. (We're teenagers, by the way). Most boys that I know don't care. He works hard, and he is dedicated to his family.

 

I have told him all the things that bother me, three times in arguments, and often when he does it.

 

Yesterday was my birthday, and yet, he said he would do something and didn't ever do it. We were walking to a restaurant, and I asked if i could come over his house. He started making excuses like it's too far and that he had chores. We had plenty of time, and I don't see what chores had to do with it. He couldn't have done his chores when he was spending the day with me.

 

I've thought seriously about breaking up with him. I've lost the little trust I have in him, and when he hugs or kisses me, I don't feel the same.

 

There are other things that are kind of making me stay with him. He's the only one I talk to in school because most of my other friends backstabbed me, and he's the only one my sister talks to in her classes with him. I don't want to make it awkward for her and maybe end up isolating her. I would be fine because I'm a person that likes to be alone. I'm just worried about my sister and that people would pity her and all that drama. And my boyfriend and I are a pretty well known couple since we're different races, so people would be making up rumors. I don't want to start any drama, and people would bother my sister about it all.

 

Should I wait a while or should I just break up with him? Should I give him one last chance?

 

Thank you for your advice!

[Kendahke]

Give him one last chance to do what, exactly?

 

I see nothing from what you've listed above that would warrant you spending one more minute being bothered with him.

 

Staying with him because of how others view you is highly unwise. You're trading your esteem for hideous and dishonorable behavior.

 

YOu don't need his password for anything, either. You need to learn to trust your insticts, which you don't. Because if you did, you'd have dropped him on his head a long time ago.

[metrogirl]

Look you are young, far to young to be dealing with all of these issues.

[hers]

Neither of you seems mature enough to be in a sexual relationship. He seems like a typical teenage boy who is after sex and you are playing games by doing things like asking for his Facebook password just to see his reaction.

 

You're young. There's no need to grow up so fast bc when you're older, you'll just wanna grow back down.

 

My advice is to break up with him and just enjoy being a teenager for now.

[Jd1983]

There is no reason to give him another chance.

 

You're still young, you have you whole life ahead of you. Find someone worth your while, and never be with someone due to pressure.

[bronze24]

A boyfriend isnt supposed to be perfect or keep all of his promises, or even do all of the things that make you happy.

A boyfriend is supposed to respect you and treat you as a person and not an object to use at his own discretion. Sure, he will be a jerk on occasion and cross a line or two, but that is part of growing and maturing.

You do sound pretty young and a little too naive to be in any kind of relationship -especially a sexual one.

 

If you are that concerned with what your peers think or say about your business, you are going to put their ignorant opinions before your own self esteem, mental health and safety.

STOP having sex with this guy and enjoy being young, wild and free.

You have plenty of time in the years to come to meet guys when youre all a little older and wiser. Maybe you and your current boyfriend will fall back in touch around college and try a relationship again. A healthy one built on mutual respect and trust. Not sex and emptiness.