kekep Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 hi all. I'm struggling to deal with a strange situation I've found myself in. my coworker "A" gave his 2 weeks notice last week. I have had a crush on him since Dec of last year, 2 months after I started this job. he and I flirt and tease each other at work, I will admit it. I know this is really wrong, as I am married and he is basically married, living with his gf and two kids, one of the kids from a prior marriage. anyway at the beginning of last week he messaged me on work IM asking where I was (I was out sick). he then told me he was leaving since he didn't think he could move up here career-wise and his dept is a disaster (jist of it). I told him I was sad to see him go as he was one of my favorite people to talk to at the office. He told me it was okay, that I would just be the "hot mysterius girl in the back." after he said that, long story short, I admitted being attracted to him but said I didn't think either of us wanted to f up our relationships, so it's a good thing he's leaving as things could intensify. He agreed and said knowing I am also attracted "sealed the deal" that he would quit. I feel confused about everything because I am going to miss seeing and talking to him, but I do love my husband and don't want to betray him (although I know I already have emotionally). "A" told me he was going to Austin with the fam this week and said he would probably be back in on Thursday to wrap things up here. I hate myself for looking forward to seeing him one last time. I am so confused by my behavior and feel like a bad wife. I never thought I would be one of those people who had adulterous thoughts. I know time and not seeing him will help me move past this but in the meantime does anyone have advice for me. thank you for reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 What is wrong in your marriage that you started liking the coworker so much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kekep Posted October 14, 2013 Author Share Posted October 14, 2013 I truly did not think anything was wrong in my marriage, but I guess something is since I have such a serious crush Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kekep Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 I really need someone to talk to. I can't stop thinking about my ex coworker and I miss seeing him everyday. I even sent him a friend request on FB, even after we agreed before he left that maintaining a friendship wouldn't work bc we are mutually attracted to each other. like a crazy stalker I was excited when he accepted my friend request. I do love my husband so why can't I stop obsessing over this guy? It feels like a really bad addiction--I know this isn't love so what is going on with me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 IF you love your husband you will defriend the guy and end all contact with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kekep Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 IF you love your husband you will defriend the guy and end all contact with him. won't it look psychotic if I defriend him when I just added him? I'd rather he not know that he's having any kind of effect on me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Who cares how it looks? I would think your marriage would be a higher priority than "how it looks". He clearly knows that he has an effect on you. Defriend -- because you KNOW you are NOT strong enough to ignore it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartinlimbo Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Let him go, and move on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johndoe13 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 As the saying goes you love him but you are not in love with him...It's ackward that you have not really talked about your husband one bit...Do you have kids? If you do have kids...find out what you are missing and what your husband can do to increase attraction; if you don't maybe you should re-consider being single until what you want in a man is clear... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kekep Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 As the saying goes you love him but you are not in love with him...It's ackward that you have not really talked about your husband one bit...Do you have kids? If you do have kids...find out what you are missing and what your husband can do to increase attraction; if you don't maybe you should re-consider being single until what you want in a man is clear... I don't necessarily agree that us not having children should be the basis for reconsidering my marriage. I've been reading online about crushes while being married and after reading your responses I do think you're all correct--something is definitely missing/wrong in my marriage and that needs to be examined. One area that has been pretty lackluster lately is our sex life. When we first got together there was a lot more action and now it's maybe once a week. I'm going to work on that with my husband and in the meantime not be in contact with my old coworker. Thanks everybody for your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate_86 Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 You sound like you are bored with your job and seeing him and the attention he showed you, made work exciting. I know as i am in a similar situation and have come to realize this. I have a boyfriend i love and adore and would never ever cheat on. But recently some work changes happened and i think that intensified my feelings for this guy and i used the crush to avoid the reality of what was happening with my job. He is about to leave too. I will say goodbye and that will be that. No numbers, no emails, no facebook. And i will finally free myself from it and put all my energy into my boyfriend that i am going to marry one day because i want to. Hope things are better for you now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate_86 Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 This sucks..said guy is leaving this week and I am devastated..it's not his,fault he got a better opportunity. Even though I knew months ago this was coming it doesn't make the hurt any easier. I have been in this situation before though and felt exactly like I do now, so I know it will pass its just hard for me to process at the moment. It is true though out of sight out of mind. I will say goodbye and leave it at that. It was never going any further he just gave me the attention, made work more exciting and I liked it because I hate my job. I hope you are OK..I know how much it hurts and you are normal. We are normal and as alone as we feel we are not. This happens to everyone at some stage. Just need to ride it out. Much love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 Thread is 4 years old and the OP has never returned. Thread closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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