he cheated and left his family

[marlina345]

my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago after a 4.5 years together and a 2 year old together we were each others first real relationship the day he broke up with me we were having and argument about how distance he has been and that i wanted to spend more time with him and out of no where he tells me that he has been unhappy with me and that he doesn't want to be together he blindsided me and i began to cry and i asked him why and he told me it was because he felt like he was walking on eggs shell around me and that i belittled him and i took him for granted. and didnt appreciate him at all. i was so surprised by all this ive never heard him say this before and he went on and on about how it was all my fault.

 

so i pack up a few of my clothes and i leave to my sisters house and i take my son with me. i continue to text him and i told him i was sorry if he ever felt like this and i try my best to changed after i continued to beg he finally came out that he was seeing a co worker e and he continued to tell me that he really liked this girl and he met her family and that he wasnt gonna stop seeing her. this women knew that he had a family. so a week later i go back to get the rest of my stuff and moved out i asked him once more if he was still willing to work it out and he said no. so i left. its been two month and he hasnt texted me or called he uses his mom to come pick up our son and as a messenger.

 

 

i feel like he has no regret for what he did he makes her sound like she was the best decision he ever made he has already brought her around that week i was gone to my sister and introduce her to his family. just in that week i was gone. and now a month later he has gone public with her its like he has no shame. while me and my son have to start from scratch. in a new city and moved pretty much 3 hrs away.

[Edmund Exley]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. You seem to be doing a lot of projecting of what he should be feeling.

 

What shame is he supposed to have? Your relationship is over. I know its painful as your whole life feels like it has been ripped apart, but focusing on how he should be behaving and what he should feel isn't going to help you to feel better.

 

Its really in your best interests to put aside what he is doing and focus on you. That starts with making peace with nothing can change what's been done and its time to move forward.

[RedDress]

It's really hard when someone ends a relationship like that. I am sorry you are going through such pain.

 

At the end of the day, he has a communication problem. If he didn't, he would have spoken to you BEFORE he cheated. Instead, he took the coward's way and ran off with someone else.

 

It's kind of natural that he feels he made an awesome decision. He is in a new and exciting relationship that doesn't have any problems (yet). No one can compete with the feelings of newness and the illusion of imperfection. (It IS an illusion).

 

Try not to worry about him and what he's doing. There is nothing you can do about it, unfortunately. The best you can do is look forward - for your sake and your son's.

 

... but yeah. It's hard. Nothing can prepare you for something like that. I'm so sorry.

[Cons]

When someone makes claims that you don't understand or makes claims that he has never discussed with you and leaves, its usually something else.

 

Think about it, how can you change something if there is no discussion?

 

Seems to me he doesn't want to have the 'family life' and has give it a try but he is unhappy at having his wings clipped and facing the reality of being a family unit.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Hopefully he's not under the impression that he can simply walk away, and dodge his responsibility with paying child support.

 

Take care...

[Kendahke]

Unfortunately in situations like this, his family is going to circle their wagons around him and his son, but not you. Do you work outside the home? Do you own a car? Can you afford to move into your own apartment?

 

Since he is not of the mind to work things out with you, you need to stop putting any energy in that direction and start focusing on supporting yourself and your son. He also needs to pay some child support, so get on that ASAP with the state.

 

What the woman he's seeing knows is non sequitur: she wasn't in a relationship with you or sired a human being with you. Your ex was the one who was supposed to open up a can of "act right" and he chose not to. Women are so quick to go in hard on the woman when it's the guy who deserves the treatment.

 

Be about the business of moving back to where you were previously living it if affords you a support network. The fact that you're not married may have different parameters like not requiring you to remain in the state/area in which you're currently living.

[marlina345]

no i didnt work he worked two jobs and i stayed home and took care of our son.

[ParisPaulette]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Bottom line though is you need to take him to court and get him to pay child support if the child is his and for that you need to set aside your feelings and look at it as survival. He cheated on you and left you to be with someone else. That's his decision and it's on him, but it does not absolve him of responsibility and he does not now just get to up and have his fun leaving you to hold the bag. And when four years or so rolls around with his new woman I predict he'll do the same thing to her. Truthfully what you are seeing is the real him, and that's just not a nice person, so it's time to go talk to an attorney and get him to man up for his responsibilities. You stayed home to take care of his child instead of working on your job skills and career at the time, so yes he does owe you support to help take care of the child now. And in the meantime focus on your own healing and if possible find a low/no cost counseling service or support group to get you through the roughest times as well as any family and friends you may have. You need a support network for you and your son.

[Ms Darcy]

Oh man this is tough. Please in the future don't have kids outside of marriage. I think part of this is that this guy was not really ready for a family. So he might have feeling trapped and wanting to date others. So now you are stuck with primary child care responsibility and the need to bring in income because child support won't be cover everything.

 

My advice is to move home with family and try to get a plan for taking care of your child.

[Kendahke]

no i didnt work he worked two jobs and i stayed home and took care of our son.

 

it's time to get out there and get an income, then. Your son can't go without a roof over his head and food in his belly and it's up to you to provide that.

 

I already mentioned for you to get child support from the father through the courts, but that won't be enough for you to pay rent, pay a car note, utilities, etc.

 

YOu may have had a dream of being a stay-at-home mom, but that's over now and it's time to wake up to your responsibilities of being a parent.