herewego13 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I am in a world on hurt right now. My girl of 5 years and I broke up in Feb. Wasn't a bad break things were just stale and we needed a break. Soon after I realized that isn't what I wanted. We had an amazingly comfortable relationship and she really was my best friend. She said she just needed to be alone and work on herself and I didn't respect it. I really should of went NC but we talked and hung out often ( talked every few days) hung out every other week. During this time I tried to get her back so many tines but she stood her ground. We were never physical once during this this time and being her friend drove me crazy. Like literally drove me crazy. We never fought in our relationship but in the 9 months since We fought on many occasions about how breaking up was a mistake. If I would have just went NC she nay have missed me and would have def looked back fondly on the relationship and likely would've tried again., instead she thinks I'm psycho and will never want to try again now, who would want to try again with someone who has handled the last 9 months so poorly. I've acted immature , Crazy, jealous, and manipulative. None of which I exhibited during our relationship. I'm scared she will no longer reember the great realtionahip but instead the horrible 9 month breakup. Between our arguemwnts wed have a really good time but I found it so hard to be just her friend while I wanted more. It was torture.and frustrations would build until our next blowup. She doesn't want to see or talk to me anymore after the latest one and will now likely date other people now. BasicLly now just going no contact for first time since breakup in feb. I'm so regretful about who I've become and how I changed so much. How do I even begin to recover from such a traumatic experience . I used to be so relaxed confident and cool but have become a shell of my former self. If only I had acted differently throughout the breakuo things would have been different. At least I would have had a glimmer of hope for a future reconcilliarion. Now I'm just the psycho ex who put her through Hell for 9 months. The sad thing is I love her so much but have acted like such crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Here, She WILL remember the past..after these little bits of turmoil fade away. ( Your human.. it happens). What many dont seem to understand..especially when a break up occurs is you can NOT be a 'friend' to them.. UNTIL all of those 'feelings' between you are gone. ( Like a year from now). Right now? No- not possible, You're sitting now with a bunch of regrets. But what you did & way you acted, many people do that. and usually learn from it, yes. You are hurting now and we all understand how you feel around here. But what YOU need to do now is work on YOU. Leave her alone. YOU need to work on dealing with the 'loss'. The break up, etc. You need to 'heal'. It will take some time to accept, deal with and get over all of this & the hurts. But that is a part of it. I know it sucks.. and it hurts! This is why it's called a 'loss'. we go thru the grieving process. Can take months. But this is where you leave ALL about her behind in order to take care of YOU and be able to someday move on again. YOU need to be 'happy' again. But will take time.. One day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herewego13 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Share Posted October 5, 2013 It's long over due that I work on myself. I just can't get over this deep regret of how I treated the girl I supposedly love so much. Untreated her so poorly post break up and was selfish. I didn't respect her needs or listen to her at all. How do I get over all that self loathing. Will she ever forgive me for all that I've done and said out anger I can't stand to think that her and her friends all now think I'm psycho when I used to be the nice guy that she loved and felt so secure with. I know I'll never get her back after this but I just want us to be good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herewego13 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Share Posted October 5, 2013 How can someone feel like they've changed so much in such a short period of time. It's like I dobtveven know the person I have became it's so surreal. My inability to control my emotions is quite scary to me. I've become so intense emotional frantic and anxiety ridden it's almost like a long 9 month bad dream Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herewego13 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Share Posted October 5, 2013 I called her like 40 times after our last fight when I said a bunch of mean stuff. I just felt so utterly horrible and she ignored every single one. I can't even believe this but I am legit crazy. We were talking completely normally just a week ago and now loom at me. I completely ruined any chance of recobcilliation. I'm an utter mess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herewego13 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Share Posted October 5, 2013 The next day after a little sleep and perspective I'm so shocked at what I did. It feels like a horrible dream that I just can't wake up from. How did things getso bad for me wwith this situation. I need to bounce back pick myself up and move on with my life completely without her in it. Sonething I never had to deal with until today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horus94 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Hey man i feel your pain. I really do. I spent about half a year trying to improve myself on all the things that caused her to breakup with me. In the end she moved on during this period and and basically said if i had approached her earlier about wanting to continue the r/s she would have agreed. I felt a ton of regret for simply not asking earlier. I think what you really need to do now is firstly to seriously calm down. Just calm down and think. Contacting her anymore isn't doing any good. You know no matter how many times you call it will not work. In fact she will see you as even crazier. For now stop contacting her and just be honest with yourself that you messed up and that you will learn from your mistakes. Look at it this way, if the breakup never happened, you wouldn't have realised this part of yourself that you needed to change. Then maybe a few days later send her an email or a text message explaining how you were sorry for overreacting and that you don't have any anger for her anymore (and really mean it!) Then wish her all the best in her life and thats it. After that don't contact her anymore and just go NC until you can be at peace with yourself again. People need time to cool down. Trying to work out anything now will probably not end well. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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