sealharp Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Ok here is my spin on NO CONTACT from a DUMPER. I am not sure. My crime was hanging up on her late one night for a Jealous Flake. Both been NC since. The last time we broke up she did it and I did beg back. and a day after, I felt like I'd been played. AND I WAS. Yup I folowed the script to Get your ex BF back. and so did she. DOH! Reasons why he may not come back 1. He may realise what you’re trying to do by going no contact. (Getting the Ex Back) 2. He feels angrier because you would rather be Mentally Immature rather than discuss any issues. 3. He may be insulted that you would rather be No Contact than apologise for any behaviour that caused the break up. 4. He sees you trying to drag him back with a rebound or other mind games and thinks, someone else can have her. 5. The longer you leave him to think for himself in No Contact the more time he has to evaluate the relationship in entirety and realise how flawed it was, and your reaching a new low. 6. He spots the mind games and finds it better to walk away. 7. He doesn’t need or is tired of the drama. 8. He SEE’s NO Change in behaviour why he ended things. 9. If he felt unappreciated don’t you think that NO CONTACT and ignoring would be the fuel that makes things the final final straw. 10. He has woken to the fact that the only thing you have to barter in a relationship is NO CONTACT. 11. May be he’s read all this stuff as well and said, try all you like, I know what to expect. 12. Maybe he’s lost so much power in the relationship he’s realised that the only way to regain it is to ignor the ignorer. 13. BOOM someone less flakey and more loving has come along. 14. Maybe he’s laughing and your choice in Rebound and figured. Ha is that the best you can do after me. Go for it, and good luck. 15. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. HE MEANS IT. You focus on your No Contact and NO Improvement, wild horses wouldn’t drag him back. Bottom Line here is, If he has maned up and grown a pair, that self confidence will drawer new love into his masculine presents and your No Contact will be met with equal silence not because he playing a game, he’s just indifferent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 But it isnt up to the dumper to reach out rule 2 of no contact AMIRITE ??!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 The breakup -- and the relationship -- both sound pretty immature, OP. I'm not surprised you feel (as the possible dumper) that there's immaturity and game-playing going on. No contact is meant to be a tool for the DUMPEE to heal and move on without all the drama and suffering that goes along with trying to be "friends" immediately after a breakup. It's not immature, it's to assist in healing. Anyone who decides they're going to go No Contact because that's what it says on one of those "get your ex back" systems IS being manipulative and I can understand why a dumper would interpret it that way. I was also a dumper, broke up with my then-boyfriend, and moved away and had total NC for many many months. Finally I realized that I wanted him back, contacted him, we got back together and were married soon after. I never thought he was "immature" for not reaching out or keeping in contact... I thought he was moving on with his life, as he should, and I also tried to move on while we were broken up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keivn Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 i am new on this forum but I agree 100% with sharky988, we have kids so its difficult to have no contact but i have heard or spoken to my wife for a week or so i am much better. the moment we have any sort of sms or telephone conversation even if its logistical it start hurting alot again. THE MAIN PURPOSE IS TO HEAL if the dumper comes back then thats just good luck nothing else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesMusic Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 That's why I feel there is a certain degree of 'fighting' for the relationship that is ok for the dumpee to endure. Apologize and mean it, of course. Take time to think about what went wrong and give the dumper time to cool down. After about a month explain you know the issues and that you're sorry it got that way and you are actively trying to fix them. After about 3 months of attempting (not begging) to get the person back, that's when I say NC is the only thing you can and should do. If you were truly wrong in the break up don't they deserve to see you act a fool (a little). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 No one deserves to "see you act like a fool", for any reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesMusic Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 No one deserves to "see you act like a fool", for any reason. You are entitled to that opinion and I'm sorry if no one has fought as hard for you. It is my opinion, however, that some people feel as if the person they dumped did not love them enough to even put up a fight. Something that will be kept in mind if reconciliation were ever for debate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Someone has fought hard to win me back...but not because I acted the fool. In fact, it was precisely because I said, by action and by my words...if that is your choice, so be it. And walked away. When he left, it wasn't because he thought I didn't love him enough. "Fighting for someone" means you are playing games. Walking away because you want them to chase you. Silly game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesMusic Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 It this particular case, the "fool" was in reference to the person dumped. No where in my response did I, or did I mean to, say that the leaving someone to have them chase you was an appropriate course of action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 I got that. I was the one "dumped". I did not scream, yell, beg, cry, text, email, etc. ,etc. etc. If someone tells you (the dumper) --- I am done. I no longer desire you in my life....there is nothing in Gods good green acre that is going to change their mind. So save your breath. It hurt, it sucks. But by saying...."if that is your decision --- and I may not agree with it --- but I will accept it", and you walk away. There is no point in trying to change their mind. If this is a mature relationship...not teenage games...then...they did not come to this decision lightly. No one is saying you have to like it. No one is saying you aren't upset. But your only recourse is to accept it. For the moment. (And the "moment" is months long...not hours, days or weeks --- or forever.) Pick yourself up, dust yourself off --- and get on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesMusic Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 I agree that there is nothing you can do to change someone's mind when that have made that decision to leave. However, if it is truly over, I feel a bit of "fight" from the dumpee helps in their moving on as they have no doubts of something that could have been done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Totally entitled to your opinion on the matter. For me --- I don't need to "double check". If someone says to me; "I don't want you in my life"...I say --- "wow. Ummm, OK. Good bye". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesMusic Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 That is probably a lesson we all have to learn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Dude --- it sucks. But that is reality. If someone says that ---seriously, what could your reply be? I may not be all that and a bag of chips, but if someone doesn't want me in their life --- I ain't gonna beg! At least I get to walk away with a pound of pride. Not an ounce. And in my case --- He came back and said "I cannot picture my life without you in it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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