Snow2tears Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 My ex and I broke up a few weeks ago. The reason was because I started to become clingy and too emotionally dependent on him. He started to feel it and knew it wasn't healthy for me or us. He started to second guess his feelings for me, and I was devastated. But I knew I didn't deserve someone who didn't know if they loved me or not. So during our 10 day break, I was emotionally drained from all the hurt and pain he caused me, I got fed up and initiated the break up. We both cared for each other a lot, but I feel like it'll never be the same. We both felt a lot of weight come off our shoulders, and finally we laughed together after almost a month of stress. We decided to be friends, and that didn't quite work out because I was still very attached. So we stopped talking completely. During that time, I realized a lot about myself. I went out and met a lot of people, and reconnected with those I lost touch with. I picked up old hobbies, and started to truly live for myself. Granted, I still missed him a lot, and had multiple waves of loneliness hit me. I know that's normal. I still wanted him in my life but I know I need time to fully heal before we could even begin to become friends. Unfortunately, rumors started to spread about me in school, I didn't really care. Not until my ex confronted me about them. This lead to us talking about our relationship. He said he spent too much time and effort into our relationship for it to go to waste. He still wants me in his life, and he thinks it's worth it to keep working at it. We aren't getting back together, but we still want to be friends. My idea of a friend is more of a girlfriend to my ex because he doesn't talk to anyone as much as he talks to me. If that makes sense. He said he was willing to change his idea about that. I was always the type of girl to connect with guys better than girls because I'm more of a tomboy. So naturally, as I'm trying to get my life together again. I'm making a lot of guy friends. My ex started to make comments like " it's so funny how right after we stop dating all these guys are at your door step". Just putting it out there but I'm fully aware to make sure I don't use anyone as rebound. That's just me making friends. What really hurt me was when he said "Did you notice that I didn't try to talk to any girls, because I wanted to show you that you meant a lot, and still do mean a lot to me. I wanted to show you that after you, there won't ever be a girl that special to me for a long time. It's unfair to you to expect you to not go out and meet new friends, but that's just me being jealous. I'm still trying to get over you." I feel it was unfair for him to say that because it gave me the slightest bit of hope again. I know we both have changed a lot. I know I have changed a lot. I've become more independent, and I'm learning more about myself every single day, I don't know how to explain it. But the breakup really did me some good. So I feel like we could get together again, and it'll be so much better because we both had space to work on ourselves. Sigh, obviously there are the what ifs. Could I have learned the same thing if we stayed together and worked on it? Maybe not. Could we still have a second chance? If we still care for each other? Now that I've changed? We're both making the effort to talk to each other, he even texted me this morning. I know it's possible for couples get together again after a break up. I really don't know what to do. God knows if he's thinking the same thing. One other thing he said that stuck in my mind is "It's not a matter if you question it, but if you think it's worth it to keep going" and I feel like he was referring to his feelings. Please give some insight, and feel free to ask more questions because I'm not sure if I explained it properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emma34 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 How old are you? Is this high school or college? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 last year of highschool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emma34 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Oh okay. My advice is to give it more time. When I broke up with my high school ex (of 2.5 years) my friend said "give it 3 months and see if you want to go back with him" - it was the best advice ever. You are at an age where you are really finding yourself and while some people are capable of maintaining their individuality as well as their relationship through these formative years, some are not. You are at risk of becoming dependent and clingy again... so give it time, maintain a friendly relationship, but try not to feed into the drama of it all. Wait 3 months...then decide, that's my advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QWit Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 You all just broke up.. Of course, you will have those thoughts. I think your ex is just approaching you because he sees that you are getting attention from others. He is just jealous and wants you back because he doesn't want any other guy to have you.. His feelings probably have not changed in this short amount of time.. Continue to move on.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 it sucks how all my friends are going on dates and hanging with their boyfriends. I can't help but feel lonely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 it sucks how all my friends are going on dates and hanging with their boyfriends. I can't help but feel lonely Loneliness is not fatal. Just uncomfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 You need to learn how to be comfortable with being alone. You can't be 'dependent' on anyone to 'make you happy'. That needs to come from within. As for your 'friends' who have partners? So what.... I went many times with NO ONE throughout high school. Get over it, because after those years are done.. you're ALL on your own anyways. Never 'compare' yourself to anyone else and what they have.. or what they're doing etc. I am over 40 now and believe me.. I sure didn't know what my life would be like 20 years down the road, after high school and it had NOTHING to do with any of my friends. You need to work on yourself ...while apart, if you want to try and make things work with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 How would I go about those waves of loneliness? It's a lot easier said than done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Build a life that you enjoy --- hobbies, interests...whatever it might be that brings you happiness. Journal, classes...it is YOUR responsibility to make you happy. There will be many times in your life that you will not be in a relationship. And if you wait for a relationship to DEFINE your life, you are destined for unhappiness and many break ups. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Do you think I even want him back as a boyfriend or do I just miss the companionship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 You miss having a bf. You would take him back in a minute, just to not be alone. That is the absolute WORST reason that ever existed to get back together with someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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