Snow2tears Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 How do I convince myself that he was not "the one" I feel like if I was able to believe that we were never meant to be then the healing process wouldn't be so painful. I can't help but think about the past and think about how I could change things and I'm hoping that someday he will come back. (Obviously he won't but this is what everyone thinks right?) I know I'm supposed to always remember what broke us up in the first place. But it's so easy to overlook it, and think about all the happy times we had together. I want to truly believe the good/ benefits of the break up instead of dwelling on the negatives. Link to comment
Brokenheart99 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Well I think a big thing that might tell you that he's not the one is that he wouldn't break up with u and hurt u like this if he was. Other than that, when the love smoke clears, try n make a list of all his bad qualities or hurtful things he did during the relationship. It really helps. Link to comment
Tinkie9901 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Like Brokenheart99 said make a list. Make a list of all the bad qualities or negative aspects of the relationship. I found it helpful to make a list of all the things I missed about my ex, or the relationship, and then highlight on that list all the things that were 100% specific to him, things I could not find in a relationship with any other person. When I was done I realised there wasn't anything that only related to him, all of it were qualities I had noticed in other people or things I could find in another relationship like love, affection, time spent together, honesty, loyalty, even things like his height and hair colour... lol etc. It helps when I'm feeling down to look at that list and see that "hey, it's not all about him". Link to comment
stuka80 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 you're lying to yourself by thinking that there's such a thing as "the one". There's alot of men that would be as compatible if not more so than he was, because if he was "the one" then you guys would not have broken up in the first place. So your question is actually flawed, you're lying to yourself already, the challenge is to stop lying to yourself and realize that there isn't a "the one" of whatever delusions people have come up for their partner and realize there's other people out there who would be better for them. Link to comment
Jackiedandy Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 stuka80 has it spot on. There is no such thing as "the one". Also, I don't believe in "meant to be" or "never meant to be". I see life as a bunch of random things that happen. Your actions will result in consequences, but it doesn't necessarily mean your actions will get people to do what you want. There are people who work well together and people who don't. Every union is unique. Every union takes a different length of time (and sometimes circumstances) to figure it out. In my situation, I want to believe he'll come back. Not because he definitely will, but because it's possible. I just try to invest less and less thought into the idea while being open to something better coming along. Link to comment
lonelysoul234 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Time and keeping busy are your greatest friends. No single person can be responsible for your happiness except you. I would recommend cutting him out as best you can. Not obviously, no dramatic gestures. Put everything that keeps you thinking of him in a box and give it to a friend to keep. Delete his number, email etc. Block his FB page using the Netnanny expansion on Google chrome (dont delete him because you will regret looking weak later when everything starts to get better.) Then sack off FB, because its depressing e anyway. Then get out the door, see friends, find the things that made you happy and do them again. You lived a life before him and will after, you are just in a terrible place right now that everyone here understands. Sitting alone is the worst thing you can do. I need to go to work, but if you want to talk more send me a message and I will get back to to you later x Best luck x Link to comment
Snow2tears Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 The more I think about him the more I realize how much he cared and how much I pushed him away. I realize how compatible we were. I just want to go to him and be like "I miss you, give us another chance" but I can't. I can't because we're different people now. Link to comment
Snow2tears Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 It hurts so much, someone please help. This is my first heart break. I don't know if I'm even handling it well. I don't know if I'm supposed to be in this much pain. Link to comment
Tinkie9901 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 It will be ok, I promise. We all feel like we can't go on in the early stages, it's normal to question all the things that went wrong, what we did wrong, to feel that they are they only one. It will pass I promise. Just get through each day and post here as much as you need. Link to comment
Snow2tears Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 You guys don't even know how much I obsess over him. Even though I'm putting myself out there and meeting people. And talking to family and friends. Every moments silence goes straight back to him. I want to hate him so I don't want him back. But if he did ask to come back I'd take him back even if he's not good for me. Waking up in the morning is the worst. I'm trying to keep myself happy, because I don't want to depend on people too much. Listening to happy music, keeping distracted by hobbies etc. Is this normal? It shouldn't hurt so much right? Link to comment
Tinkie9901 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 It's normal and it does get better. It hurts like someone stabbed you and it feels like the only thing your brain knows how to think about is him. But this will get better with time. Tell your self you only have to get through today. Worry about tomorrow when it comes. Keep busy but if you need to cry that's ok too. Link to comment
simplexity Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 The more I think about him the more I realize how much he cared and how much I pushed him away. I realize how compatible we were. I just want to go to him and be like "I miss you, give us another chance" but I can't. I can't because we're different people now. oh i sure had this moment back then when I first find out he had fallen to someone else after us but then I realized it only proves that he is no longer the one I used to fell for .. it is not easy but yeah people change .. we have but no options but just to move on.. it will get better Link to comment
simplexity Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 You guys don't even know how much I obsess over him. Even though I'm putting myself out there and meeting people. And talking to family and friends. Every moments silence goes straight back to him. I want to hate him so I don't want him back. But if he did ask to come back I'd take him back even if he's not good for me. Waking up in the morning is the worst. I'm trying to keep myself happy, because I don't want to depend on people too much. Listening to happy music, keeping distracted by hobbies etc. Is this normal? It shouldn't hurt so much right? When you fell hard for someone , you will feel more pain when you lose him, and what you are undergoing now is but normal. It will get better tho, just take care of yourself for now and list the things why it would never work out.. you'll eventually get there.. time heals .. trust me i promise you , there will come a time in your life you'll just laugh about this stage .. been there , done that ..several time .. take care Link to comment
Jackiedandy Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 liciously has it right. One day this will all have a different meaning. Imagine how you will feel in the future. Once you have gotten over this pain, you will feel better. Some day you will feel proud that you have overcome this. Link to comment
Snow2tears Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 Thank you for the words of encouragement Even though it hurts like hell now. I know that one day I would overcome this, become so much stronger Link to comment
Tanzi Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 You guys don't even know how much I obsess over him. Even though I'm putting myself out there and meeting people. And talking to family and friends. Every moments silence goes straight back to him. I want to hate him so I don't want him back. But if he did ask to come back I'd take him back even if he's not good for me. Waking up in the morning is the worst. I'm trying to keep myself happy, because I don't want to depend on people too much. Listening to happy music, keeping distracted by hobbies etc. Is this normal? It shouldn't hurt so much right? Try not to worry. We do know how much you are obsessing over him because we have all been there. The first cut is always the deepest. Mostly, I believe, because you we are not aware how much it could hurt. The pain is as much a shock as the break up. When I went through it he first time I couldn't eat, I couldn' sleet and I could barely get out of bed. Don't be so hard on yourself. It is perfectly normal to hurt when you have broken up with someone and you will have a whole host of emotions to work through. Keep on doing what you are doing. In time it really will start to get easier. Link to comment
Kimcwell Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Convincing myself that he isn't "the one" has been the hardest thing for me, mostly related to the way we met, our commonalities, our plans for the future, etc. I agree with other posters though, he would still be here if he were the guy I"m supposed to be with. I am trying to find the lesson that this heartbreak is supposed to teach me. Mind over matter, every hour. Link to comment
simplexity Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Thank you for the words of encouragement Even though it hurts like hell now. I know that one day I would overcome this, become so much stronger I feel your pain .. I remember mine felt like I am being operated without anesthesia, can't sleep, can't eat , crying has been a new hobby from the time I wake up till i fell asleep if ever I managed to even sleep, I was even to the point of suicidal last time ..good thing I didn't because when I look back now, I have no idea how I een gotten myself into that stage ..trust me dear, this is a difficult phase but it will pass too.. time heals .. and it will .. just make sure to take care of yourself and have this mantra to yourself "I am stronger than this .. everything will be alright " ..sending my cyber hugs to you Link to comment
simplexity Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Convincing myself that he isn't "the one" has been the hardest thing for me, mostly related to the way we met, our commonalities, our plans for the future, etc. I agree with other posters though, he would still be here if he were the guy I"m supposed to be with. I am trying to find the lesson that this heartbreak is supposed to teach me. Mind over matter, every hour. make that mind over matter every freaking nano second because it sure is difficult and I feel you but it will get better ..just hang on there and try to stick your mind with the many reasons why it will never work out in the long run ... you'll soon get there Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.