I'm not over him. How could we possibly be friends...

[Snow2tears]

I'm so thankful for this forum. It gives me a place to search for support when my friends are unable to because they haven't been through a break up yet.

 

Basically:

-he wasnt affectionate enough

-I wasn't happy

-he got tired/suffocated and became confused

-I was emotionally drained

-we broke up "mutually" and are trying to be friends

- I'm still sad but I know I deserve better

-I want him back but know it'll never be the same anyways

 

I just dont know how to stop feeling the pain. My heart feels like it's getting squeezed and whatever is squeezing isn't letting go. I also don't think it's very healthy for me to try and still be friends with him. But we BOTH want each other in our lives still. Sighhhh.

 

I know NC is probably the answer. But I just can't stop thinking about him yknow? Even when I'm distracting myself with friends. It's always in the back of my mind. I feel this constant sadness. And I've gotten support from family and friends and nothing is getting better.

 

This is my first break up. I'm only 17. Everyone would say "learn to love yourself first, work on yourself". How will I ever learn to "love myself" when all I can think about is him? When I love I love hard so I guess it's only naturally when I break I break hard. help.

[mbee]

We've all been through this. Of course you want to be in his life and of course, you want to talk to him, but this doesn't mean that what you want, is what's best for you. Learn to let him go and go NC immediately. That will be best for you, trust me. I've made the mistake of breaking NC several times and until you stick to it for at least a month... that's when you start reaping the benefits of it.

 

You are very young and the process of loving yourself and becoming a better and stronger person takes time. Right now focus on healing from the breakup. That process of healing will ultimately make you stronger. Going NC will force you to start doing things for yourself and focusing on a future without him, rather than on this one person.

[leila]

I had a boyfriend when I was 21 who I didn't speak to for almost two years after we broke up. We got in touch after that with no romantic expectations on either side (he had gotten married in the interim), and since then? He's been one of my best friends. For literally almost as long as you have been alive.

 

But we could never have been friends if we hadn't had the time apart! I know it seems like you either have to resolve the situation and build the friendship now, or it will never happen. But in retrospect, I can see that we would never have been able to be friends if we *hadn't* had the time apart and then started over from scratch. Two years is probably a bit excessive, but it has to be long enough that you can come back together and genuinely not feel that need for romantic connection.

 

You will definitely feel better once you aren't in contact with him. And that "learn to love yourself first" thing is ridiculous. I don't even know what that means. Everyone has low self-esteem. Everyone! If loving yourself was a requirement for a decent relationship, no one would ever have one.

 

Just take a break, you'll feel better, and then you'll meet someone else. And you'll be just as crazy about that person, and amazingly, you will kind of forget how crazy you were about this person now.

[Snow2tears]

Thank you everyone. I'm putting myself out there and meeting new people. And I'm making sure not to use anyone as rebound. I just want to distract myself and have fun with people because that's when I don't think about him. But when I do. I'm not resisting the pain because I need to go through that too in order to move on. I understand now. Thanks