Why does it still hurt so much.

[Snow2tears]

I think I've been posting at least everyday since the break up. Read my previous threads and you'll know what happened. Not only did I lose my boyfriend. My actions post BU made me probably lose a really good friend too. I don't know why at night I'm so determined to move on and just do myself some good and think about other things and then in the morning I get really sad. I really hope in person he won't avoid me or act weird. The wound is still very very fresh. But I know I can't be like this forever. I have a lot of others things to focus on. For example my family, friends, and school. I just wish over time he will see that I did get over him and he'll come message me.

[sara-pezzini]

I just wish over time he will see that I did get over him and he'll come message me.

 

it is not really friendship you want, you are still hoping he will be back, and the world basically still revolves around him, you cannot be friends with him right now, the wound is still too fresh, you said the break is Mutual but i don't believe you, if i read your first thread, which was desperate for not losing him, but the next day you both agreed on breaking up and you were no longer in love? i don't believe you, that doesn't happen this fast, i think you agree to whatever he says now because you want him in your life in any form or shape.

understandable but not healthy, becasue if you are truly his friend and he comes to you raving about a new girl he met and is so in love, could you be happy for him? no, i doubt that, so friendship is not possible right now

i think you should go NC, heal, live your life, and move on, and then in months from now you can see if you still want his friendship but i don't think you will.....

he is saying be friends to avoid drama and because it is easy to say, soften the blow so to speak, but i doubt he means it as well

friendship with the ex is only possible if both of them really and truly moved on and there are no feelings and no hopes of getting the other one back and you can truly be happy if they find someone else, you are not there yet...

[secondchance67]

WHY DOES IT STILL HURT SO MUCH?

 

Have you spent anytime reflecting on just how good your life is, even in light of this heartbreak?

It might seem obvious, but sometimes what is right in front of you is missed, ignored or discounted when life is not going our way.

Do you have your health?

Loved ones to support you?

A bright future, with a battle weary heart that knows what its like to love hard...and what its like to break hard, too....

 

Pull back.....look at this from a higher perspective...it hurts...your world is rocked...the days drag on and the dull ache is becoming all too familiar....but it truly isnt as bad as it was day 1, is it? Day 5? Yesterday? it will lessen, g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y, over time....each day you will feel better...life has a way of "lightening the load" all by itself.

 

Its all too easy to get caught up in the cycle of re-living the pain every day, or several times a day as you are triggered.

Its like a hamster running on a wheel, the effort is there, but its pointless...you get nowhere in the end but tired and worn out....exhausted...defeated.

 

The only way out, is through.

Through the heartache...the endless days wondering and hoping for it all to change....through this and out the other side wiser and better for enduring the experience.

 

Start by realizing that this is a life lesson....you will learn harder ones and easier ones in the span of your life.

 

Start by forgiving yourself for whatever you percieve - real or made up in your head - for the wrongs and things you did to contribute to anything you think led to demise of your relationship and friendship....you are human, not a machine....you led with your heart, not your head....and learned from the mistakes and the experience.

 

Forgive yourself......thats the first step in getting past the hurt...the rumination....forgive yourself...and live each day the best you can in spite of all you are enduring.

 

 

SC67

[bwhite00]

Awesome post secondchance.

 

I too can relate with my emotional batteries being drained every day. Crying every day for 40+ days is the most draining feeling... someone who truly loves someone would not put them through this pain. I told my ex that just because she had the power to hurt me worse than anyone, she should not have exercised it. But she did, and here we are... trying to deal with the fall-out. But it does get better. It *HAS* too.

 

I've been here before... things will only go up from here and whether that means learning to live a fulfilling life with complete independence, or eventually finding someone who isn't so fickle in their affections. Either way, we will ultimately win while they're most likely stuck in a never-ending cycle of content-discontent-recycle, try again... for God knows how long.