Brokenheart99 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 How long did it take before you started dating again and actually started being interested in other people again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Not there yet - been nearly 7 months Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNewGuy Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Well I would have said about 5 months after BU, but around that time I met a girl and we eventually went on a couple dates. This girl ended up being really into me and really pretty on top of that, a good all around catch for someone I'm sure of that, but I just wasn't feeling it. I've got to the point of where single isn't too bad at all, so not looking to jump into anything else. I'm more about making friends right now, whether it be girls or guys, just simply friends. So yeah, I'd say I'm still not ready and it's been about a year. Of course if someone who just blows me away came into my life, I wouldn't be naïve enough to ignore them lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 How long did it take before you started dating again and actually started being interested in other people again? First break up - 2 weeks Second breakup - A day Third breakup - Less than a day No, I wasn't flaky or anything like that. I was going to wait around for him to make up his mind how to treat me better or want to be with me. Got no time for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 We were together 5 yrs. Broken 4 months ago- no where near. I understand, at LEAST 1 month for every year you were together. Some often go much longer.. with so much pain and things to accept and deal with- the aftermath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonstar89 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I started dating again like a couple months after braknig up with my ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Newguy & kitty.. did they 'leave' you? Are we all dumpee's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wizardwoman Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 a little over a year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Aint nobody got time for dat ! In response to the-seeker post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNewGuy Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Newguy & kitty.. did they 'leave' you? Are we all dumpee's? Yeah I'm a dumpee. Was a 4 year relationship. Now that I think about it, I'm always the dumpee... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
search4answers Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I started dating about 4 months after, met a fantastic girl, and realized I was not ready. She could read it too, so my advise is to not try to make it happen or put a timetable on it. I'm never quick to heal from a breakup and this is something that I've come to accept. I'm about 9 months in now...I have to agree with NewGuy, I'm okay being single right now but if the right girl came along (much like it did a few months ago SMH) than I'm going to see where it goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendahke Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 How long did it take before you started dating again and actually started being interested in other people again? 2 1/2 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 Man this is so discouraging lol, I just wanna meet someone better so I can get my mind off him, I guess I just don't feel entirely ready yet. But it is best to not have a time table and enjoy life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Don't be discouraged - sometimes it may be the easy way out to fill the gap with someone else. I have given myself a year to be alone and deal with my issues - and who knows how long it will take after that. Though if someone were to come along that was suitable, I might be inclined. I'm just not looking for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Don't be discouraged - sometimes it may be the easy way out to fill the gap with someone else. I have given myself a year to be alone and deal with my issues - and who knows how long it will take after that. Though if someone were to come along that was suitable, I might be inclined. I'm just not looking for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Man this is so discouraging lol, I just wanna meet someone better so I can get my mind off him, I guess I just don't feel entirely ready yet. But it is best to not have a time table and enjoy life Using people to help you get rid of someone is NEVER a great idea. In my opinion, to start dating again is when you are officially healed or you know your worth. When you have one of those, you WOULDN'T need to get your mind off of your ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 That's true, I guess I phrased it badly. I think I just meant the longer I'm single, the more I dwell on him, but it's kinda like being in a new relationship kinda forces me outta my rut of a break up cycle and lonely thoughts. That being said, I'm not sure I'm ready yet still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 That's true, I guess I phrased it badly. I think I just meant the longer I'm single, the more I dwell on him, but it's kinda like being in a new relationship kinda forces me outta my rut of a break up cycle and lonely thoughts. That being said, I'm not sure I'm ready yet still. This is what helped me. I'm not sure it will help you. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. - Every time I think of him, I do 20 pushups. - Taking a pen and paper. I question myself "What do I want?" Then I write out how do I get what I want? - I look at all the cities around me and look up on yelp what's so interesting about that city. I'm off for an adventure. - I treated myself. Ex: Sign up for a gym, shop for an outfit, pedicure and manicure/massage. - I dress myself up to make me feel good by looking at myself in the mirror. - I write down the things I like about myself and put it on my mirror. Ex: "I love my eyes."/ "I'm cheerful." - I spend time with my family and friends. - I volunteer for 3 organizations = Tutoring/Homeless Shelter for Children/Humanity for Habitat - I read books to learn more. - I relax. - Meetup to learn about people, activities, and live life. - When it comes to dating, I question myself, am I ready? If yes, then I will no longer think of him. If not, then I continue to invest in myself before I invest anyone's else. People's hearts are not products you can upgrade or degrade. - BE TRUTHFUL to yourself. That's how I moved on when I realized my self-worth. I learned that I'm lovable just like everyone else, and deserving of love as well just like everyone else. I don't have to prove or impress anyone. Carry on your life. STOP RATIONALIZING his behavior. Love takes time. So don't rush no matter what anyone tells you. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
search4answers Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 This is a not a book telling you what to do, rather a person telling you what they did...Good advice in my opinion Seeker. Always focus on yourself, because most of the time people shift the focus to someone/something else and that is how things "change" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopsonMcGee Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 For me, about 3 months of NC following an 8 year relationship. You actually have to do full NC, though. Most people don't do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbly Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 2 weeks! I figured there was no point in waiting around. I did the online dating thing and went on dates with about 10 different people between the end of February and the beginning of April. I told every single date that I had just come out of a two year relationship. I met some great people on my dates, including one who has become a close friend. After 2 months I dated somebody for a few weeks, but she was extremely clingy and pushy, and I wasn't feeling it with her. Being with her made me miss my ex more. Then I met somebody awesome after 4 months, who got me in the "what was I thinking" mindset regarding my ex. Not sure where it's heading, but I'm very happy right now. And as Hopson said, NC is very important. We have been extremely low contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 2 weeks ! Wow What were those dates like? I can see how it would work for some people though - given how low my confidence and self esteem were just after the break up , it could have been a nice boost, or gone horribly wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beckett Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 2010 was the year I had a relationship before my latest 2013 relationship crashed and burned. Now I'm doing the NC again. I took my time last time I had to do NC, and I'm doing my best to become strong again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbly Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 2 weeks ! Wow What were those dates like? I can see how it would work for some people though - given how low my confidence and self esteem were just after the break up , it could have been a nice boost, or gone horribly wrong! The first one was awful.....The rest were good overall, but the first 2 or 3 made me miss my ex even more. There was definitely a boost, knowing that it was possible to meet other people. It was also interesting to see who is out there, but online dating gets a bit tedious after a while. The important thing is that I didn't just go on dates rely on dates to make myself feel better. I was NC for several weeks at a time and kept as busy as possible. My current GF is somebody I would never have met without online dating. My job makes it very difficult to meet people, and I'm not the type to initiate conversation with strangers when I'm out and about. I've been working on this, not just with the ladies but with people in general, and I've made a few new friends. I think trying a date or two after a few weeks is a good idea. If it's terrible, don't do it again. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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