Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 My boyfriend and I went on a break because I needed to find independence again and he needed to figure out what he wanted and his feelings for me. It was for 10 days with no contact but I broke and contacted him after 4 days...he said he couldn't love me the same way, and he didn't get excited about me. We've been dating for 6 months and felt like it was just the high of the honeymoon stage dying down. So now I don't know what to do. I already talked to him about my feelings saying I didn't want to be strung along while he figured himself out. And that this break was doing nothing for us because we couldn't even talk. So how could he give me a chance to show him that I'm still right for him? I regret not waiting till the break ended to talk to him. But it's too late and I'm so heart broken. I can't sleep or eat or focus in class anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Well,4 days isn't really long enough to have time to sort out your/his feelings. So, he was left still feeling the need for a break. All you can do now is accept that the relationship didn't get past the honeymoon stage...many don't. If you are in class, then you should focus on studies, and not trying to get him back. Maybe in time, he will realize that he wants to try again. In the meantime, there is nothing you can do to tell him or show him --- he has to figure it out on his own. So -- accept that you are broken up. You are not being "strung along". The concept of a break is NOT to talk --- it is to think. You cannot "talk" someone into staying with you if their feelings have changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Its time to let go. You guys know what it is in your hearts (or in this case not in your hearts), but you are just afraid to admit it. Face up to it and you will be able to make peace with the fact that it wasn't working, and then you will be able to start to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonstar89 Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 acceptance is the key to you getting over him. Just accept that he took you for granted and that you will find someone new who will be everything you could have ever dreamed of! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Is it not possible to give him more time? I know I can learn from my mistakes and really give him space to think. Without actually talking to him. Because he still hasn't broken up with me. He's still thinking about it. But maybe that's just giving me false hope. Can we not restart the break again...I know breaking up with him is better for my well being. But if he's not willing to do it, I can't either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 You have no idea if he is still thinking about it, or just doesn't have the guts to say it is over. Don't wait on him deciding --- consider it done. What were your "mistakes". And what makes you think you can give him more than another 4 days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QWit Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 time to let it go.. He is not in love with you.. Instead, of you waiting on him to break up, you need to beat him to the punch because I am afraid that is what is coming next.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 I made the mistake of becoming too attached and when we started to get into the comfortable stage I wanted more. I didn't see his efforts and I regret that greatly. I tried telling him that but he feels nothing has changed. We were so close to breaking up yesterday and I was petrified. I was acting out of desperation. And I know that turned him off and pushed him away even more. we didn't end things off clearly. He still doesn't know how he feels and I'm confused about what to do. So I was thinking of just waiting for him to contact me next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Even if I were to end it off with him. Would there ever be a chance of him coming back? How would I go about it anyways? We barely see each other at school, so my only means of contacting him is either through phone or Skype. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Nothing has changed. And then you started acting desperate, which proved his point some more. You did end clearly --- he told you he didn't love you anymore. Just because you don't want to hear it or believe it doesn't change anything. You can wait for him to contact you --- but what happens when he doesn't. Any further contact from you continues to prove his point --- that his feelings have changed; yours haven't; and you are not listening to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Even if I were to end it off with him. Would there ever be a chance of him coming back? How would I go about it anyways? We barely see each other at school, so my only means of contacting him is either through phone or Skype. Are you in HS or college? Not that it matters --- not contacting him is not contacting him. You don't go about anything, but getting on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QWit Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 ...he said he couldn't love me the same way, and he didn't get excited about me. . This probably means that he going to be leaving you soon, but he is trying to figure out when. He has clearly stated he is not in love with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Even if I were to end it off with him. Would there ever be a chance of him coming back? How would I go about it anyways? We barely see each other at school, so my only means of contacting him is either through phone or Skype. No one can answer if there is a chance or not. No one can predict the future. The best thing you can do for you is assume its over for good. Call him. Tell him its pretty obvious you both no what's going on here but neither has the guts to pull the trigger, but now you are pulling it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 I'm in senior year of highschool. I know I'm young and have so much ahead of me. But he was my first boyfriend and this is my first break up. I learned a lot from this relationship. It's just that I want to know for sure that he doesn't feel anything at all for me. Because he's giving me a glimmer of hope if he is still thinking about it. Our break deadline was supposed to be Monday. Should I talk to him then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QWit Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Even if I were to end it off with him. Would there ever be a chance of him coming back? How would I go about it anyways? We barely see each other at school, so my only means of contacting him is either through phone or Skype. Either if you end it or not, he is just about ready to do it..He doesn't love you.. When it ends, you try to get on with your life and not worry about if he is coming back or not.. Your thoughts should be redirected to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 He never said he didn't love me, he just couldn't love me the same way he did when we first started dating. I don't really know what that means. I guess I'm just waiting for some sign that shows that it's final. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Hi there, I know it's very hard, but from reading about your situation, it doesn't sound very good. I think 6 months or a year can be a bit of a turning point for a relationship. As others have said, the honeymoon period often dies down and you have only your love for each and connection as partners that will hold you mostly together. If that main connection (without sex) isn't there, then most relationships really won't last. I am not belittling what you two had, I understand your heartache, but at the very least he doesn't sound sure (which is not very good after only half a year of being together) and at the worst sounds like he has broken up with you but won't say the words clearly to you. He shouldn't leave you hanging and maybe a break with no contact was the last resort for him. I think if there was a spark left and he wanted it to work, he would maybe contact you back and ask to have a chat with you. Him just giving up is not a very good sign. I know he'll seem like the world to you, but if a relationship doesn't work out, no matter how good you feel like it could have been, it wasn't right in the first place. In the end, this will be a blessing in disguise. You deserve someone who feels the same way. All the best, - Lolita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QWit Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 He never said he didn't love me, he just couldn't love me the same way he did when we first started dating. I don't really know what that means. I guess I'm just waiting for some sign that shows that it's final. Ok, in different terms, he may love you (as in care about as a friend or so) , but he is not in love with you.. It just sounds like he is delaying pulling the trigger, which is more than likely about to happen.. Either way, your situation doesn't seem good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 The thing is I suggested the break because I didn't deserve to date someone who wasn't sure of me. I want all or nothing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 And you are right. And he has decided...nothing. Which is ok. You guys just were not meant to be. It doesn't make you a bad person, or unlovable. He just fell out of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 The thing is I suggested the break because I didn't deserve to date someone who wasn't sure of me. I want all or nothing... This is very understandable. Everyone deserves to know where they stand in a relationship and not to be messed about. I really do think the break was for the best and has shown you how he really feels. - Lolita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 This is going to be so painful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Thanks for everyone's input. I think I've known all along what was best. And I'm just going to say to him "I'm tired of waiting for you, so if you really want me back you're going to have to actually DO something about it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I wouldn't do that --- you have been "waiting" 4 days or so. He has told you he isn't in love with you anymore. So if you tell him "if you really want me back"....he is gonna think..."umm, no...I don't". It is better that you tell him that it clearly no longer works, and that you will be moving on. If you have to say anything at all. He is expecting that you are not going to just accept it -- so do the unexpected. Accept it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow2tears Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 I asked him where we stand, and I told him that I know I should've waited til the break ended, but what would have really changed. He still would've been confused. And I'm asking him to call me on Skype. I'm just scared that ill back out if he doesn't want to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.