when did things become fun again?

[surfjon]

As one who teaches Sivananda yoga and meditates at a local dharma center, I can say that these outlets are wonderful from both the standpoint of improving mind-body, and also a place to meet kind and generally peaceful folks.......

 

These two activities are wonderful for healing ones spirit in these tough times of loss......

 

Whenever I feel down about the breakup, I meditate on what was unhealthy about the relationship.

Other times I meditate and visualize myself in a happy, healthy and balanced relationship and realize that in time, being patient with myself and my feelings, love will again one day grace my life.......

[rebellefleur]

Ugh yes i still have that stupid "this is wrong" feeling and i hate it. I just feel like this isn't the way things should be, that this isn't the way it should have ended, and that despite all of the bull-ish, we are so compatible. I used to always think, if he had met me tomorrow with not past at all, i KNOW he would fall for me and love who i was. It's just all of the crap that got in the way made it so hard to see each other for who we really were at that point. But honestly, i guess if it was the right person, together you both would have never let it get to that point and would have worked to fix it...and he just did nothing. I mean, i don't know, it is hard though, to feel like this was not the way it was supposed to end, to have it just feel wrong and out of place to be apart...but everything for a reason i guess. sigh, lol.

[Brokenheart99]

Oh yeah trust me, I feel the same. I did all the work keeping us alive, hell my ex told me that the other day, and said I taught him unconditional love bc I loved him thru all the crap, while often he didnt. Either way, idk I gues sometimes I'm a sucker for seeing only the good. But when my ex was breaking up with me and naturally I crazily pleaded with him(?!?) and said why wont u try, we can work I know it. After three years, what he said stuck most with me. He said "I've always had one foot out the door." It's so true, it could never work if only one person put the effort in. He always backed out when it got tough, he was never able to commit bc it was so tough. He wanted something easier and didnt want to deal with the challenges of an interfaith relationship, so he walked away. I can't entirely blame him, but sometimes I like to =p

 

I guess my point is, I still think of the what ifs sometimes, and that if he actually just tried being with me despite being scared, he would realize it wasnt as bad as he thought. But I can't make that choice for him and I can't force him. He has to realize that on his own, and he won't, not anytime soon at least. The right person will love you enough to want to work through the difficulties, bc the alternative of breaking up and losing you isn't an option for them.

[rebellefleur]

I completely feel the same way you do- the good and bad parts-i know exactly what you're thinking and feeling and it SUCKS. But honestly, i just knew i did everything i could as far as the efforts, and see him put nothing in as always was making me crazy- it was making me someone i'm not. it was making me fight with him (over nothing in his eyes) but it meant so much to me and it sucked. But like you said, you can't make someone love you/care/fight/try like you do and that's what finally gave me the peace of mind to walk.

[Brokenheart99]

Aww good for you I'm so glad u realize that. I still miss my ex everyday, don't get me wrong. I still wish he will call me and wanna work it out, I doubt it will ever happen but I can dream right? Lol. But, I feel pretty confident knowing I left him with great memories, being amazing to him, and pretty big shoes to fill. Ultimately, I think for him to ever realize he wants us and wants to try despite the difficulties, he will have to date around and if he sees that being with other girls isn't the same as me, then MAYBE he might realize. But I still doubt it. And honestly, I don't want to give him all that time waiting for him to try on different shoes to see if they fit. He's not Cinderella =p

[rebellefleur]

I completely agree! My ex has come back but not for the right reasons per say. He's never come back to genuinely, truly try to work this relationship out. And I always thought to myself that if he were to ever really miss me or ever really come back successfully, that he would need to really grow as a person and I really do think he would need to experience other people. I was his first and only girlfriend, so I feel like this was always inevitable no matter what. It was easy for him to leave because he never had another relationship, so he didn’t know what it was like to work on anything, or that relationships take A LOT of work, and it was also easy for him to see the crap between us and think…”well it’ll be easier with someone else, someone new, I’ll go find that instead of working on this.” So I definitely think that at this point, if he ever comes back it’s going to have to probably be years before anything clicks with him. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t.

 

Honestly I hope one day he does end up in a new relationship, and it goes the same way, just So I don’t feel like the crazy one. I hope he meets another girl who doesn’t take his sh*t like I did and leaves. I wish I had kept more of my dignity, but I had some crazy moments. The amount of effort I put in and how little I got back made me so angry and insecure and nagging, I’d start so many arguments because I was so scared and unhappy and exhausted from trying so hard. I blame myself for that, but at the same time if he really cared and tried…there would have been no need to fight about it.

 

I’ve seen my ex come back a few times, but it was only after a couple of months so NOTHING changed in him. The future is scary. I almost just want him to be with someone now so that pain is over and done with. I’m terrified to see that, I don’t want to see it, I want to see our second chance someday for real…but ideally I hope one day I’m so over his and with someone brand new and by the time he wants to fix it, it’s too late.

[Brokenheart99]

Man, I so agree haha! I've always wished my ex would get in other relationships just so he could see that no girl would be okay with the crap he did. But at the same time, I hated the thought of him being with another girl so I would fight and cling on bc when he did come back, he was still the same, nothing really changed. At the end, it felt like it did finally, but who knows. I've told him numerous times, he won't appreciate me until he is in other relationships, I hope it's true but I don't know. Either way, I don't want to wait around or watch him date other girls. I hate it. The thought of it still cripples me.

 

I know exactly how you feel, I was so insecure and needy bc he always always broke up with me, I fel like I was walking on eggshells, wondering what argument will cause a break up, etc. it shouldn't be like that. I could only explain that so many times. Ultimately I think he needs to realize it on his own in other relationships when other girls and life teach him these lessons. Sadly, usually by the time they do realize, we are long gone. Lol. Such is life huh

[rebellefleur]

I know exactly how you feel, I was so insecure and needy bc he always always broke up with me, I fel like I was walking on eggshells, wondering what argument will cause a break up

 

That sentence right there completely described me. I was so insecure and damaged and crazy feeling by the end, that it probably essentially stressed him out and pushed him away- but i could never understand how he never saw that HE was turning me into this person. He never had to deal with someone screwing with his feelings and leaving and coming back and never putting effort in or feeling unappreciated or taken for granted. He just had someone who consistently fought and tried and did nice things, but my flaws were so magnified to him and it was absolutely ridiculous.

 

Ugh, whatever, i'd rather hurt now than never feel good enough and that is ALL he ever made me feel.

[Brokenheart99]

Yeah I know exactly how you felt, in situations like that I feel like life teaches people the best lessons. I'm sure he will be in a similar situation at some time Or see that his behaviors won't be put up with, let life take care of them. Hah. Towards the end my ex finally appreciated me, after getting thru everything, and we broke up anyway over religion. He wasnt a terrible person I guess, was just learning how to be in a relationship I suppose. Idk I still have mixed feelings. After everything we went thru, everything I sacrificed, all the fights to finally figure out how to make our differences work, he finds religion, and I guess that didnt allow him to have me in his life. It sucks

[Notagoodninja]

Im not sure, this is going on two months for me and the longest we've been apart was two months. I still have the bad dreams, the sick feelings and sadness. But there are some happy moments. I don't sleep at all, about 2 hrs a night.

The BEST advice I can give you is go to the gym HARDCORE, I mean HARDCORE that helps soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rebellefleur]

Yeah I know exactly how you felt, in situations like that I feel like life teaches people the best lessons. I'm sure he will be in a similar situation at some time Or see that his behaviors won't be put up with, let life take care of them. Hah. Towards the end my ex finally appreciated me, after getting thru everything, and we broke up anyway over religion. He wasnt a terrible person I guess, was just learning how to be in a relationship I suppose. Idk I still have mixed feelings. After everything we went thru, everything I sacrificed, all the fights to finally figure out how to make our differences work, he finds religion, and I guess that didnt allow him to have me in his life. It sucks

 

That is a really hard thing to accept. I think the religion reason is kind of crappy to me to not be with someone. But then again, religion isn't a big deal to me. I'm spiritual, but i've never been heavily religious but i know some people lean on that and are raised like that or later find it in life and tend to take it too seriously. I'm sorry you have to go through that, that doesn't seem like a valid excuse to leave someone to me.

[Brokenheart99]

Tell me about it rebell =\ three yrs I've known him and he's not religious at all...boom suddenly in 4 months he grows a religion. I get it I guess, but just barely on a good day. He seems like a whole different person anyway, so fake almost, I'm not sure I would even wanna be with him anymore. I guess I miss the old him and what I knew he could be.

 

Notgoodninja- yeah I only wake up once most nights, the dreams I hope finally stopped..it's been about 2.5 months. Hopefully it gets better =\ I gym often but when i do, I won't lie, I can't help but think I wanna get in shape for if and when I see my ex again lol.

 

Oddly enough, cleaning and is therapeutic for me...for some reason I feel like maybe if I can put my place in order, my life will follow too =P