Brokenheart99 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Long story short, dated my ex for three years. he wasnt any religion when we met, found religion recently. he broke up with me because we shared different religious beliefs and couldn't meet on it. we had our difficulties and whatnot, but we were a great couple overall with a lot of laughs. Sometimes he didnt show me he cared much in the beginning and made his mistakes, but finally towards the end, we figured it out. that was when we broke up sadly. neither of us would compromise on religion, even though neither of us really wanted to break up. that was 2.5 months ago. My ex just messaged me the sweetest message. I had sent him a mean letter because of all my frustrations and I had tried holding on to all the negative and bad stuff, but I felt bad because I knew it wasn't all true and I couldn't accept it. I finally just apologized and sent him a sad goodbye. He responded with one of the sweetest letters that I still can barely read without crying. He said I taught him unconditional love, he never deserved the love I gave to him, but I made him who he is and taught him so much. He will always love me and I have forever imprinted his heart, etc. he said he will always be a friend and wants to be. It sucks. Religious differences are the worst. I'm gonna continue no contact after this. I'm gonna tell him I can't be friends because it hurts too much. I'm gonna ask him to block me on fb. That maybe one day when I am over him, I might be able to be friends but definitely not for a long time. I understand this all, I know this. I tried focusing on all the bad, tearing him down and even trying to hate him to move on, but it just kept gnawing at me that he wasnt these things. He had his flaws but deep down he was caring, he just didnt show it like I wanted sometimes. I can't hate him, because my mind won't let me. Even though I can't change our situation and know I need to move on, it sucks all the same. I don't know which is better, having him be terrible to me and cheat on me and using that hate to fuel my recovery or just leaving it on good terms and loving each other, but just can't be. I'm not heart broken, I'm just sad that it has to be like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dereitis Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I'm an atheist-agnostic and my ex was a Christian. Although we didn't move into the marriage and child stage, we never had any problems accepting each other's differences. I do think though that long-term it may be difficult because you're both kind of living for different reasons. I think you're doing the right thing by not trying to be friends with him. This is so crucial to your healing and is actually pretty admirable that you understand that it's not going to work, and are stepping your foot down to heal even though you love him. That's how my situation is, and for some reason I find it poetic. I love her with all my heart and she loved me to obsessiveness, but we just knew it wasn't right as we were so different. She is the one who was smart enough to go through with it. Now we don't speak at all and it's for the better for both of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seoulmate Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Ummm....as much as you want to believe the truth to his reply, you have to look at it for what it is....it's just a way to manipulate your feelings again. Don't fall for it. You call it the "sweetest letter"... but this guy cheated on you??? Step back and see it for what it is...a way for him to attempt to ease his guilt. In a few years you'll look back at it and realize he was just trying to make sure you didn't interrupt his life again. He doesn't want the trouble of reading your "mean letters" and he sure as heck doesn't want a vengeful ex. Not to say you would be vengeful but he is trying to dam-up this before it springs a leak. Honestly...he's just playing with your heart again. He cheated on you. He cannot be "deep down...caring", as well. People who care about us don't do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 He never cheated on me...we were broken up. I think it's easier to hate him and remember all the bad to try and move on, and for a months I tried that, to hold onto that, but as time goes on, I realize it's not true. He had his bad qualities and mistakes, but so did I. I can't lie to myself and convince myself he's a terrible person who was terrible to me, bc it's just not true and ive tried that these past few months. I know this, deep down inside, i know this. My only hope for healing is recognizing he is a good person with some bad qualities and made mistakes, that we both loved each other, but just can't work it out. Sure, maybe he is trying to alleviate guilt, I'm sure he feels bad for how he treated me. But it's my alleviation to give, I suppose. What person in the world doesnt have remorse they wish to have alleviated? Neither of us are seeking reconciliation, and im certain that is the last thing on his mind. I would rather walk away I guess holding onto a good love with good memories, rather than holding onto bitter hate and resentment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbee Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I'm a bit confused why did you say that he cheated on you in the OP? My response to you depends entirely on why you used that word "cheat" and now you are saying he never cheated on you. Mind explaining? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 Oh sorry, I see what everyone is confused about. When I said "I don't know which is worse having him be terrible to me and cheat on me..." Etc i meant that as a general statement. Like, is it easier to get over someone who cheated and was awful or easier to get over a guy who treated you well and loved but you couldn't work out your differences. It was just a general statement, nothing specific to my story with my ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbee Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Yes hold on to the love and good memories. Trust me, it's so much better that way. I wish I had the option of doing that but my ex was terrible and did cheat on me. Trust me, it's HARDER to get over someone who cheated and was awful. I'm not sure if you've ever been through that but it makes you question whether or not your relationship was real or whether the person loves you. I had bad breakups in the past where I was heartbroken but the one with my most recent ex where he was terrible and cheated on me almost destroyed me. If things ended well and for the right reasons, then please cherish that and appreciate it. He doesn't deserve bitterness and hate and you don't deserve feeling those emotions either. Be thankful that you know you both experienced a deep love. He just changed and decided to adopt religion into his lifestyle and that's perfectly okay. It just means that he's changing, you're changing and are both moving in different directions. At least you have an opportunity for friendship in the future. Keep letting him go and cherish that letter. Having someone who truly loves you is a beautiful thing, and it sounds like you had that. Trust me, you are truly in a better position not being with someone who is terrible. It's not even worth comparing since you actually had a relationship that sounded overall pretty healthy and filled with genuine love. Appreciate that and move on. Things will get better with NC, time and moving forward. You'll get through this. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 Yeah I feel so much better about it. I kept trying to hold onto any form of mistreatment and bad parts, but the truth kept gnawing at me, creeping out and my conviction kept unraveling little by little. I just couldn't hate him bc he has his mistakes, and didnt care about me the way I wanted a lot but he did care and love. I can't ever doubt that. It's so sad to think we are going different directions after coming this far but such is life. It's so bittersweet. I hope making nice with it all is the best way and I hope the sadness won't cripple me later. Ugh, I so hope not. He wanted to be friends, Im telling him no, it's too hard. =\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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