MyFault Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 We all know NC is what to do about being dumped but lets say you were moving away and never coming back should you break no contact by phoning, texting, or showing up at their work to say gooodbye? I got accepted on cruise ship and wont be coming back to my city again and I see me getting back with my ex (with six weeks NC to the day) probably not happening but lets say I leave in two months and still havent got anything would contacting her to say goodbye alright? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S.Ken Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 How were the terms of the break up? Why do you see yourselves getting back together? Does she feel the same way? Who broke up with whom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I would if the person was someone I still had good feelings for. "Hi (ex). Not sure if you might have heard but I'm going to (insert details). I just wanted to wish you well over the next (year?). Take care and be well" Or something like that. If she writes back "you too" there would be nothing left to say so it might open up a wound you'd rather not open. Think about possible responses -or none- and think about how you'd feel and if its worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 It sounds like you still might have two months before you leave. Why not concentrate on healing during that time? You can make the decision on whether or not to say good-bye THEN..... because if you contact her now, it's just going to look like you're only using it as an excuse to contact her (which, to be honest, you probably are.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 If you have no intention of contacting your ex under normal circumstances, I don't see that you moving away is going to make much difference. Wherever you are, wherever you are going, whatever you are doing NC is still NC. I suspect that there may be an ulterior motive to you contacting her ... like making her realise that she doesn't want to lose you for good. (I assumed, like sharky that you were planning on saying goodbye NOW.) If not then I wouldn't worry about saying goodbye to her until the time comes. You have a whole new chapter about to open up in your life and I would very much focus on that right now. It sounds exciting btw! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S.Ken Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I agree with the previous two posts, especially former. I wrote a very heart felt farewell letter to an ex that would have made Shakespeare proud and her response after a week was "Okay, good luck and have fun!" Well that was certainly devastating and it also showed me that I wasn't quite over this girl and set me back emotionally. So like savi said, think about how you would feel if she responds with all the passion of a dead fish or not at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 How long were you dating and is there any logistical reason she might need to know about your move? (e.g., you have a business together, children, or you still get mail for her?) If this was a short term relationship, then I don't see the point in letting her know. good luck on your new job!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyFault Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Well it was a six month relationship that died in last two months where I waited for it to end then she did around two months ago with six weeks NC as of yesterday. I did go a bit nuts at end of breakup doing the pathetic get back stuff. This question was more for general like going thru other topics like asking if I should contact ex if in hospital, ect. If I do leave in two months I was just gonna show up to her work and say goodbye after all she does mean something to me and after four months of NC then hopefully she forgets the bad of how I acted and remembers the good which was amazing and close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 If you are an ex, don't ever show up at someone's place of work. If you have not had contact in 4 months (by the time you leave) it would be completely inappropriate to do so. If you are leaving to get "on" with your life, there is not need to say good bye. It was a six month relationship---- and by the time you take the job, you will have been apart for 4 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 ehhh... that's a kind of short relationship, i don't really need to see a need to make an announcement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyFault Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Depends on the relationship if your telling you love each other for five months and planning to move to another state together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Yeah --- but those plans are seriously out the window. And she hasn't been in contact in 3 months. So it isn't necessary to update her on your whereabouts should she need to contact you. And "good bye" happened 3 months ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Well it was a six month relationship that died in last two months where I waited for it to end then she did around two months ago with six weeks NC as of yesterday. I did go a bit nuts at end of breakup doing the pathetic get back stuff. This question was more for general like going thru other topics like asking if I should contact ex if in hospital, ect. If I do leave in two months I was just gonna show up to her work and say goodbye after all she does mean something to me and after four months of NC then hopefully she forgets the bad of how I acted and remembers the good which was amazing and close. So really you would have had a 4 month relationship (discounting the last 2 months that had "died") followed by almost 4 months of nc before going away (if you don't break it that is) .... honestly, I really don't see that it is necessary to tell her anything. Given the short length of time of your relationship and the time spent in NC, I certainly don't think you you should just turn up at her work. If it isn't a welcome visit then she might actually find it very awkward or even, dare I say it, disturbing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 If you are an ex, don't ever show up at someone's place of work. If you have not had contact in 4 months (by the time you leave) it would be completely inappropriate to do so. If you are leaving to get "on" with your life, there is not need to say good bye. It was a six month relationship---- and by the time you take the job, you will have been apart for 4 months. Oh LOL!! You got there first! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbee Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 My ex showed up at my job once and it scared me, honestly. I'm also the dumpee and this freaked me out. Do not ever show up to her workplace. There are so many ways to contact someone: phone, email, letters, etc.... there's no need to show up physically without mutual consent to do so. I agree with everyone else. I'm moving halfway around the world in 4-5 months and will be gone for 2 years. My ex and I were together for several years, broken up for 4 months so far, and I really wish I could say goodbye to him. But truthfully, there's a response I want and the response I'm very likely to get. You probably want her to think about if she really wants to lose you, beg you to stay, say she'll stay friends with you and have a long distance friendship/relationship till you return. Or maybe you just want a heartfelt goodbye to show that she does care and so that you both can part ways on good terms, and so that when you come back for the holidays, maybe you guys can meet up. We want this, but honestly, you do need to be prepared for her to say something curt, unkind, neutral or not to respond at all because that's likely what's going to happen. She probably knows you are leaving. If you don't think she does know then have a mutual friend mention it to her or post it publicly on Facebook. If she cares, she'll contact you before you leave, trust me. My ex did some terrible things to me, and sadly, I can't wish him goodbye, but he knows I'm leaving (just not when I'm leaving) and he can say goodbye if he wants to. I think you need to let this go, and try to not find excuses to talk to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyFault Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 Wish life could be like in the movies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 *Definitely* do not show up at her job unannounced. Also, isn't working on a cruise ship a temporary gig? Are you truly moving away for life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyFault Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 Pretty much I dont want to be in the city I am in. I would locate to Hawaii or something. Why is it she breaks up with me cause I dont show her my emotions and when I go dramatic with notes and texts it pisses her off? Is it cause she wanted me to do it during relationship and after it makes her madder? Doesnt that on some level count for something that the breakup affected me when she thoought I didnt care as much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkie9901 Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 There is a difference between openly communicating emotions during a relationship and dumping them on someone who has already made the decision to move on. You don't need to justify your love to her now, you know in your heart what you felt for her and that's all you need. Pouring your heart out to her now is not going to get the result you want unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Pretty much I dont want to be in the city I am in. I would locate to Hawaii or something. Why is it she breaks up with me cause I dont show her my emotions and when I go dramatic with notes and texts it pisses her off? Is it cause she wanted me to do it during relationship and after it makes her madder? Doesnt that on some level count for something that the breakup affected me when she thoought I didnt care as much? The fact that you didn't show any emotion is what made the relationship decline to the point where she no longer wanted to be in it or didn't think it was worth pursuing (seeing as it was still early days). By the time you started showing your emotion by texting her and sending dramatic notes it was already too late. When you have decided that you want to move on from a relationship and you make efforts to do so, the last thing you want is all the emotion holding you back that you didn't get whilst you were in the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 She broke up with you because she felt you didn't love her -- you showed no emotion. That she had to break up with you for you to show emotions --- doesn't negate that you didn't show them during the relationship. And that you are now trying to show emotions when she is with another guy....well, that makes it even worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyFault Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 Theres no other guy or was involved. Now i have no clue and try not to think about that lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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