Brokenheart99 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I snapped, I was doing so well, accepting things, moving on...I just noticed he unfriended me on facebook. It set me back, I snapped and messaged him asking if that was really necessary, I'm assuming he won't reply to me. I know exes do that , the relationship is over etc etc. but it sucks. He never unfriended his other exes, I didn't either. Idk why, this hurts so much. Ugh.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkie9901 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Facebook is the devil when it comes to relationship breakups. You are better off not knowing what goes on in his life anyway, it's counter-productive to your healing as you've just found out. We've all screwed up and contacted an ex when we shouldn't. Start again and don't be too hard on yourself, just learn from the pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I broke it to on the weekend We live near each other and I had told him we should shop for our food at different stores, I dont want to be running into him and his new GF. Anyway , i am pretty sure his car was there when I went shopping , so i sent a text saying "thought we were meant to be shopping at different places" I dont know if that is immature or not, but i really do not want to be running into them. There are other places to shop he didnt respond, i really didnt want him to anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkie9901 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 If it makes you both feel better I can't do NC (I work with me ex) but I did embarrass myself the other week. He caught me with tears in my eyes at work and wanted to know what it was about, I asked him to please just ignore it (I think for most people if you are trying NOT to cry and someone points it out it gets worse). Anyway he left it alone until he contacted me that night and insisted he wanted to know what was wrong. I ended up blubbering and telling him I had a hard time some days with the memories because he looks and sounds exactly like the guy I dated but he isn't the same guy anymore and sometimes the memories do my head in. Ah well... what's done is done... keep on moving on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittykat12 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Working together must be tough I couldnt do it - I think i would lose my mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 Why unfriend me? He has my damn fb info login, makes no sense. Did he just forget it or something stupid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkie9901 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 It's definitely not easy, luckily for most of the year (he's a full-time student) it's only one day a week. But I do go through a weekly cycle of emotions. By the end of the Saturday we work together I am emotionally spent. I usually get in the car and start to cry, I'm still a bit off-kilter on Sunday and Monday-Friday when I'm in NC I'm great. Then it all kicks off again... lol People make the mistake of thinking they only need to do NC till they don't want to get back together but honestly it's just as hard replaying the memories both happy and sad. I'm content to say the relationship is dead but he'll wear something, or say something and my brain will flash back to a memory when we were together. And it ranges from the breakup talk to holidays we had together to just hanging out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Its just a setback for you. Cut all lines of communication and you will feel stronger and stronger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Ugh, idk why, it bugged me so much. In my crazy state, I coldly but politely told him I thought it was unnecessary to unfriend me, he kinda just said "I don't see why it makes a difference, it's not like we communicate, I can add u back if u like, I still check your profile". And so I said okay and he did add me back. I accepted. Ugh but now I feel idk, embarassed. I might as well have just begged him to add me back. At first, I thought he unfriended me to provoke me and get a rise out of me since I went nc, but now I'm thinking he may have just been trying to move on. Bleh. Stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Here's the thing -- as long as you're friends on Facebook, you're going to be able to see other girls posting and flirting on his wall. Do you REALLY need to see that? Part of NC -- part of healing and moving on -- is cutting those kinds of ties. You shouldn't be monitoring his life, suffering over every new girl he adds -- and you're entitled to YOUR privacy, too. You don't want to be thinking that he's reading every status update or seeing every photo you put up there. I'd suggest you apologize, wish him the best, BLOCK HIM, and move on. You can do it! Trust me, it's much better that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 See the thing is, I blocked him entirely off my newsfeed and I never really checked his facebook anymore for a long while. I was actually doing really well like that(mainly bc I like keeping fb friends with all my exes). I never saw his feed or posts or anything, and I was okay. Idk, sometimes I wonder if he did it to provoke me and get a rise out of me or if he just got tired if seeing my info in his newsfeed. I was doing okay with the way things were going, he had to go and ruin it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewr Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 (mainly bc I like keeping fb friends with all my exes). That kind of reads to me like "I like keeping rose bushes with thorns in my bed". You came here to vent and I suppose ask for advice, and now you are defending what you did, while at the same time acknowledging Facebook was the problem, as everyone is saying. It's one or the other. You will laugh at yourself one day for over analyzing this. Smile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakehuron21 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I snapped, I was doing so well, accepting things, moving on...I just noticed he unfriended me on facebook. It set me back, I snapped and messaged him asking if that was really necessary, I'm assuming he won't reply to me. I know exes do that , the relationship is over etc etc. but it sucks. He never unfriended his other exes, I didn't either. Idk why, this hurts so much. Ugh.. My ex broke up with me July the 2nd....July 8th I initiated NC Because I Lost it when I found out she UNfriended me on fb .....I discovered early August she was already with a new guy it hasn't been easy lots of counseling from friends,going to church and really analyzing the relationship soon it'll be two months and with each passing month I learn more about myself and gain more strength till hopefully a year a passes and I'll know for sure she will never come back for sure. my relationship only lasted 7months and she's been with guys for 2yrs,a yr etc etc and although I Did my best to always behave like a gentlemen and treat her like a princess I know that I just didn't have an impact on her like some of her past relationships today I proudly say Ive deactivated my fb just couldn't handle seeing a pic of her and her new guy and I'd rather do that so I Can properly heal and move on and not risk the consistent notion of contacting her.unlike her I don't need to get a rebound to get over a relationship I don't believe in using others to heal or hurting others for my leasure that's just the kind of person I am.......it doesn't get easier you just get stronger.....If he has all his ex's on his fb BE THE DIFFERENCE DON'T BE LIKE THE REST OF THEM cause clearly their still his ex's.....but if you segregate yourself it'll get in his mind your better,your different your unique. if he Lost you then make him regret it forever be the one that got away...It might take a long time or it may never happen but you have to move on become something so great he regrets ever looseing you. That's my advice for you that's the advice I've been given here as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 There's a huge difference between just removing someone from your newsfeed.... and BLOCKING them. If he's blocked, you can't see when that new girl starts posting..... when his status changes to "in a relationship".... do you REALLY want to ever risk seeing that because one night after a bad date you gave in to a moment of weakness? Nope. Also, just as importantly, you'll stop living your Facebook life as if HE'S checking your wall. On some level, as long as you're hoping to reconcile, the knowledge that he has that access to your page is there with you every time you post anything or comment. Just.... end it. There's no reason for any ex you still have feelings for to be unblocked on Facebook. None. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkie9901 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Did you notice he unfriended you because you tried looking at his page or you noticed that he disappeared off your chat list? Have you been sitting there keeping tabs on what he has been up to or if he's online because that's not going to help you let go and focus on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S.Ken Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I do agree that social media has made moving on from an ex to be... difficult at best. I remember I impulsively blocked an ex and then wussed out, unblocked her and then messaged her to accept my friend request after explaining how I "mistakenly" blocked her! Yep, pretty sad (she ended up accepting by the way). I really wish I had kept her blocked because in the end I never tried contacting her again anyway. I think she's still on my Friends list buried among the pile of "friends" that don't really mean anything to me, but I keep them on because they aren't even worth the effort to delete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Delete button is your friend. Blocking newsfeed means you left the door open to see his info as you will. Dont set yourself up for failure. Delete him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Yeah, I guess everyone is right. I was doing so well. Got pissed, broke no contact, got even more pissed when he made he updated his fb status to "thank you to everyone including my ex gf of 3 yrs for taking me to where I am today, been a long journey, been a great influence, blah blah ". So, against popular advice, i Wrote him a long heartfelt closure letter that was mean but honest, but also nice and sent it to him. I'm sure it wasnt a great idea, but I just wanted to get it off my chest and not have it turn me into a raging bitter person by keeping it inside forever. I hate that he got to sit there feeling like he did no wrong and his guilt was alleviated for being such a terrible bf and friend to me for three years, just bc i was still nice to him. I still have mixed feelings about sending it. But I was happy with a lot of things I said in the letter. I wasnt expecting a response, of course I didn't get one...it still stings a little truth be told, bc I kinda wanted one but oh well. And yes I'm deleting him off fb now. Honestly, is it so hard for people to respond to a closure letter and be decent? I know he doesn't have to and I will move on or whatever and at this point I don't want reconciliation either. But if he could at least just say sorry, I did treat you like crap, and I will always have a special place for you, moving on is still hard for me." It would mean a lot to me and it would just make moving on slightly easier. I'll move on regardless without it, that's fine, I have to. But to be so cold and disregard that I ever meant anything to him, Idk I just don't agree with it, ESP if the split was amicable. It's hurtful. I guess some people are just like that tho. Such is life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Then you switch stores! While it is immature, it is your desire --- so change where you shop. I broke it to on the weekend We live near each other and I had told him we should shop for our food at different stores, I dont want to be running into him and his new GF. Anyway , i am pretty sure his car was there when I went shopping , so i sent a text saying "thought we were meant to be shopping at different places" I dont know if that is immature or not, but i really do not want to be running into them. There are other places to shop he didnt respond, i really didnt want him to anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 If you have broken up and someone wants to rant at you --- do you seriously think you are owed a "thanks for the rant, hope you feel better" letter???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 I definitely don't think I'm "owed" it, just that as an act of kindness and me being someone he cares about, it would be nice to me and a small gesture of kindness to me, if he did. There is no owe, no obligation. Just being nice and helping someone out in a difficult place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Maybe this is your first break up, so you don't understand. You guys loved or cared about each other...for a time. The connection ended for whatever reasons...maybe it was mutual, maybe on or the other found someone else. Regardless, it ended. Maybe you tried talking about it, or working it out. And it didn't work. So, you finally write a mean (your words) letter ---- and expect him to thank you? Why....not talking to you was rewarded with a mean letter. Imagine what he would hear if he talked to you!! Kindness is out the window. As you can see --- you sent a mean letter. You expect him to apologize. He won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Yeah I can see what ur saying, u have a point. I guess the way I was thinking about it, was yeah my letter started off mean, ended nicely tho. Isn't anger a little normal and expected tho? And I guess I just kinda thought he would see my anger as an understandable emotion sorta. I guess that's an unreasonable expectation. I thought maybe the niceness in the end explained the meanness. I guess I just thought about how I would have viewed it. Cuz if that happened to me, I would think as such, realize they are struggling and be kind in return. It's how I've been with him. But he isn't me and everyone is different. I understand what ur saying, it's true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I am not sure why he is supposed to accept your anger, couched in nice stuff --- when you won't accept his silence, maybe couched in respect that it is over and all the talking in the world won't change that. You cannot explain away mean --- and if you need to, why say it in the first place. Secondly, he now has all you mean thoughts written down, by you. What do you think is going to stay in his head ---- the nice stuff you put at the end? Next time, refrain from a screaming case of "I had the last word"....because it probably left a bitter taste in both your mouths. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Probably true. But the letter was more for me than him. Wanting the kind gesture is just wanting it, I don't expect it, I'm sure it won't happen, I just thought it would be nice if he did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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