Why would an ex want to talk after 4 months?

[aseeker]

A mutual friend texted me yesterday telling me my ex wanted to talk to me in person and if we could meet up today at any place I wanted. Apparently, he came with two mutual friends to an event where I live (I knew they were coming, but not him).

 

Thing is, he broke up with me in April. He had already broken up in November but we got back together the next day (after I called him like a little lost puppy). He broke up both times by phone (the first one by phonecall, the second by text message). He said he hadn't been in love with me for 3 months now (so since January). Oh and my birthday was about two weeks away and I had just twisted my foot badly (all of which he knew about).

 

He said we should stay friends (I agreed) and we should go NC for at least a month (I agreed). During that month he kept contacting me via chat a couple times with trivial things like, how I was doing and that he had some stuff that was mine. All casual.

 

By the end of that month, I couldn't take it anymore and told him I couldn't stay friends. I needed some time out and I guess he needed it too. He flipped on me, was extremely angry and rude, and I just blocked him everywhere including his cell number. I arranged with a friend to exchange our stuff because I didn't wish to see him. I know through that friend that he was really upset about that.

 

I started dating someone in the beginning of May and we are together ever since.

 

Now yesterday he apparently asked that same friend to text me the above. I haven't answered yet because this is beyond confusing.

 

I do not wish to see him nor do I think I should. But I didn't have any closure and I'm wondering if this is what I need. Knowing myself, I will cry and make a fool out of me, so I don't particularly care about that sort of thing. Plus, I don't know what his intentions are.

 

We are supposed to meet at a friends' gathering in a month or two so I was wondering if it could be about that. Or if he's just feeling lonely or guilty or whatever. It affected me more than I thought because, yes, I'm still not completely over him. And yes, I wondered if he wanted to get back together. But the thing is, he hurt me too much and I was doing ok. I was actually happy for the first time in months (even during our relationship).

 

What is your take on this? I don't want to get back together solely for the fact that I know it will be no good this second (third?) time around. But I do have feelings for him. Only I don't trust him nor want to have my heart broken. Plus, I'm with a wonderful guy who, despite his flaws, is nothing compared to my ex. And I sure don't want to hurt him in any way...

[RedDress]

I do not wish to see him nor do I think I should. But I didn't have any closure and I'm wondering if this is what I need. Knowing myself, I will cry and make a fool out of me, so I don't particularly care about that sort of thing. Plus, I don't know what his intentions are.

 

But the thing is, he hurt me too much and I was doing ok. I was actually happy for the first time in months (even during our relationship).

 

I don't want to get back together solely for the fact that I know it will be no good this second (third?) time around. But I do have feelings for him.

 

Plus, I'm with a wonderful guy who, despite his flaws, is nothing compared to my ex. And I sure don't want to hurt him in any way...

 

You have given us a bunch of really good reasons why you shouldn't go in your post. Why are you hesitating? It sounds like you know what you should do.

 

The only reason you have given for wanting to go is "closure". Getting "closure" from someone is a bit of a myth. It's the idea that suddenly you will understand and be ok with the idea that you broke up. But... you don't get that from someone else. You get that from yourself. He told you why he broke up with you. Unfortunately, he was not in love with you. He probably likes you as a person. This is why you get the wishy-washy treatment. No one likes the idea of being alone, potentially forever.

 

If you are with a new guy and you are "happier than you have been in months". If you don't want to get back together with the ex... there is no reason to meet with him.

[SooSad33]

YOU seem quite 'confused' right now and I'm not sure if you should really be with either of them?

First one, you broke up with twice.. then onto seeing someone new in what time span?

Few months later.. ex contacts you again and you STILL seem 'emotional' over him, which shows, even though you've moved on, you're NOT over your previous ex... are you?

Could this be 'rebound relation' now? I understand you should not move on until you are totally over your ex of a LTR and you are emotionally sound and 'happy' with YOURSELF. What do you think.. are you?

Sounds to me like you're getting into more emotional feelings, again, over your first ex...yet having feelings now for the new one.

Do you think you should really go there to deal with your ex? Is it worth it? Do you think it'll help anything in the end.. or just rehash more feelings/hurt again?

Do you think maybe you should maybe take a break from everything and figure YOU out?

Deal with your last break-up and deal with your hurts etc. Deal with YOU and THEN look at moving on, when you're more emotionally stable and 'ready' to 'give it your all'.. to someone else.

This is how I see it.. what do you think?

This is YOUR Life.. your feelings and your Heart. Take care of it.. and you.

[aseeker]

I don't know. I still have feelings for him and knowing he has for me (maybe, I got some desperate texts to talk and he said he was outside my building spending thr night there) made me really confused. I feel like I didn't give us another chance and that's what's eating me inside - not having tried enough. Granted, he didn't want me then and I shouldn't even care but I got together with someone else also. We are both to blame.

 

On the other hand, I feel like an idiot. I shouldn't WANT to be with him. He hurt me so much. But from what he said I hurt him too. Maybe I just miss him and our relationship and it will pass.

 

I feel guilty and undeserving of anything good. Maybe that's why I don't care to try again and get hurt. Why would I be considering it otherwise? I have a great person by my side now, treats me right, but of course I can't feel for him what I felt for my ex of one year and a half.

 

I feel I made my ex break up with me and treat me the way he did. YES. I feel it's my fault And I feel like it's almost a favor to want me back. That's how my self-esteem is.

 

I just don't know. I feel like a sick puppy just waiting around for my ex! This is beyond degrading. And that is the other reason why I pondered talking to him

 

 

 

You're right. We broke up twice and neither time worked. He said he regretted taking me back the last time. After all, we ended up hurting a lot more the second time around. It was a waste of time. So why should it work this time? Well, one day broken up doesn't really change much. But it's probably pointless.

 

I do feel I need to be alone but I hate it It's too hard being single. I rarely talk to my friends anymore because they're in different schools and I'm rarely home. I also distanced myself when I got together with my ex and again when I got together with my boyfriend. From my family too. We have many issues between us.

 

Being alone makes me depressed, anxious, like my world just fell apart. It's like I'm not whole without that person. It's again a frustrating feeling to have and mostly admit to anyone. In the 19 years I was single I never felt happy with myself. I don't know how that would work now... I'm just really scared of being in pain

[aseeker]

I feel like my boyfriend is a very very special friend for whom I harbor romantic feelings but not as deeply as my ex. He left a mark basically. It was a year and half. I started dating my boyfriend 3 months ago.

 

And his exes all (except one whom he broke up with, in November) broke up with him for the same reason: they wanted to be his friend but didn't feel the same anymore. How could I possibly do the same to him??? Not right now but suppose I should feel that way down the road?

 

I was wondering if I should talk to him about his ex. Last we talked he said she had been different from the others. It made me think if we were each other's rebounds or something twisted like that. But what if he asks about my ex? If I have the rigt to know bout his, he sure does about mine....

 

I would laugh at the situation if I weren't in so much pain

[sealharp]

What is important is LOVE.

 

If you LOVE him and you think it will either come to a conclusion or start something special, then listen to him.