returning gifts

[Brokenheart99]

for reasons that are complicated and in depth, i am unable to keep my ex's gifts. currently i live alone but soon i will move and i will definitely not be able to keep his gifts. its complicated but lets just leave it at that, i will not be able to keep his gifts. there is one gift in particular, he spent a fair amount of time and effort on that i would absolutely love to keep, if i could. its a really beautiful, thoughtful gift. i dont have the heart to throw it away because he spent so much time on it and i would feel bad. my ex understands that when i move, i cannot keep his gifts. although, we have been pretty much no contact for 2-3 weeks, would it be wrong/rude/understandable if i mailed his gift back, with a short note saying, " i didnt want to throw this away, i am moving and you understand why i cannot keep it." and no its not an option for me to just hide it and keep it somewhere etc. would it just be better to throw it away or mail it back? i dont want to seem petty or it to seem like im throwing it in his face, i honestly just dont want to throw it away. what do you guys think?

[annie24]

can you give the gifts to friends who might appreciate them?

[Brokenheart99]

its a little personal and honestly i think he would be pretty hurt/offended if i did that. he respects my privacy a fair amount, i would wanna respect his..even if we split

[annie24]

can you store them in a storage locker until the day comes when you can keep them in your house?

[annie24]

can you give a box to a trusted friend and put all the items in the box until you are ready to pick it up someday?

[Brokenheart99]

the storage locker seems like such a waste of money =/ for such a small gift. thing is im never gonna be able to keep it after i move. im never gonna be able to pick it up and keep it as my own. thats kinda why i wanna give it back, so he can keep it. because its something worth keeping. idk i just feel like it would be so mean to mail it back but its really not my intention. i feel like he would understand why i mailed it back but idk.

[lonelyforever]

I think throwing them away is the best option. You could mail it back to him but he might wonder if you were really being honest about having no room to keep the gifts in your new place. He will probably end up throwing it away, so there's no point in holding on to an old memory. It's best to let go of everything. Two weeks ago I emptied every single drawer in my room in search of my ex's gifts - I got every single letter, teddy bear, clothes and threw them away. I think she's done the same because she said she'd return my gifts but I still have not received any mail from her. The dumpster is the best resting place for shattered memories as no one will ever know who they belong to.

[Capricorn3]

would it be wrong/rude/understandable if i mailed his gift back, with a short note saying, " i didnt want to throw this away, i am moving and you understand why i cannot keep it."

I don't see anything wrong with this at all. If, as you say, there is some specific reason why you cannot keep it, then I see nothing wrong at all with returning it. I don't see why this has to be made so complicated. Can't keep it? Return it. End of story.All very simple.

[Brokenheart99]

That's what I thought too but several friends have stopped me and said not to. So I thought I would ask Ena's opinion

[annie24]

If it is super small, you can also get a lock box at a bank and store it there, along with your birth certificate.

[loveunsub]

my ex gf sold/pawned the jewelry her previous ex had given her. as the one who got dumped, a part of me wonders what she did with the things that i got her. i put the stuff she got me in a storage locker (because I have other clutter from my place that I'd like to store elsewhere). If you think things are irreparable with your ex, then you probably should throw it away. If there is a small part of you that thinks things can be civil (or perhaps rekindled further down the road), then have a trusted friend keep the items for you, and keep them covered in some way (inside a box, wrapped up, something).

[Lorem Ipsum]

my ex understands that when i move, i cannot keep his gifts.

If he understands you cannot keep these gifts when you move, it seems to me you have 2 choices:

 

1. Break the NC with a simple note asking him if he wants them returned, which you will do through the mail. If he doesn't respond, option 2 kicks in automatically. Just mention when you're moving so that he knows there's a deadline (but not an ultimatum).

 

2. Dispose of them since when you discussed this before he didn't say that when the time came for your move that he wanted them back. You have apparently already discussed this possibility, he didn't say anything about it, therefore you can conclude he doesn't care about these things. Whether you give them to someone else (to hold for you or forever), lock them away in a box or burn them in the back garden is up to you. They were gifts, you can do with them as you want or need to.

 

Finally, just because you can't physically keep them doesn't mean you have to get rid of them entirely -- unless you need to do so for your own sanity. You could take detailed photos of them, or scan them if they're cards or letters. It may not be the exact same as the physical objects, but a few megabytes on your hard drive is easier to carry around.

[Brokenheart99]

I still have his address(from an old flight I booked for him), he already knows why I can't keep them. I won't break nc, but I think I will just send it back with the note in the mail. I will def take pictures of it as it's a great gift. Thanks for the advice, I wanted to send it back, just wanted to ask everyone's opinion in case it was a terrible idea that I wasn't seeing.