Brokenheart99 Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 So 6 weeks after being dumped, last two three weeks of pretty much no contact, and I was actually doing really good. I still am for the most part. More hopeful, energy, don't think about him as much etc, can sleep again. I'm surprised at my recovery, I thought it would take much much longer. That being said, for some reason last few nights, my mind thought back to a pretty big fight we had two yrs ago and at the time I believed what he said to me, bc well I wanted, I loved him, wanted to be with him, and wanted to believe the lies so that I could justify it to myself for being okay being with him. Either way, for some reason I've been thinking about the incident and idk that I can believe what he said, it prolly was a lie to spare me hurt and for him to save face. And it made me sad, angry, and took me back some in my healing. Why? I know it's two years ago and sure he has changed a lot since and I'm guessing he won't be like that again. and I can pretty safely say I don't think I want to even reconcile with him anymore( I hope, I mean don't get me wrong I'm not THAT healed yet, I would love for him to chase, but ultimately i feel I would say no). So why does it still make me sad and feel blah all over again? Is it normal? I feel cheated or stupid or something. Part of me just wants to believe the lie I guess so I don't have to believe that he was that type of guy. And who knows maybe he was telling the truth and I am just healing so I'm doubting and hating everything he said. Any thoughts would be appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 Yes its normal. The mind is a strange place and it will dump all the trash out from time to time. All you can do is make peace with the fact that nothing can be changed and you have to let it all go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betterthan Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 Healing is not linear, you will experience these waves of memories and sadness less and less as time goes by. It's perfectly normal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 That's good to know, I guess I just feel like an idiot for believing it(by product of being "in love" I guess) and that he actually is "that guy". Ugh, I still don't want to believe it to be honest. I'd rather be happier believing he wasnt that terrible of a guy and that it just didnt work out with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tadpole3 Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 Sounds like it is a normal process. I know for a fact that my ex was lying to me. Not out of pity or guilt, but to MANIPULATE. He wanted to keep me as his "lifeboat" in case his "new pursuit" didn't pan out. During the good parts of our relationship, he was my best friend. I liked him as well as loved him. But these past few months, when the blinders came off and I saw this major personality flaw, I didn't like him anymore, and I can't say I feel love. BUT it is still a loss of a big part of your life! (nine years for me). You are grieving the loss; and I have to keep reminding myself of that, too. If he lied to you, he doesn't really care. I visualized everything as he did it, figuring what's going through his mind are his own selfish thoughts. Not one thought about how what he was doing would make me feel. And if he didn't have that thought, he didn't really care about me. This whole thing which finally caused the break-up, happened five years ago with someone else. I forgave him and believed his excuses for his bad behavior. Because like you said, you wanted to, you wanted the relationship, and you wanted the relationship to be a certain way, even if in reality it wasn't. Stay strong and stay NC. Know that if he cared he wouldn't lie, and if he were a decent sort, he won't be stringing you along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Yeah you are right, thanks for the words of encouragement. I guess it's just so hard to see how someone can care in so many ways and be kind but then at the same time lie and string you along and be selfish. Guess it's all part of healing, I won't ever understand. There won't ever be closure, but I'll keep truckin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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