Gonna ask ur advice in this...

[Brokenheart99]

I'm gonna ask u all's advice in this since I'm a blind fool in love hah.

 

U can reas my original story if u care, but basically he dumped me 5 weeks ago. it wasnt an ugly split(supposedly over religion, but really I think he just wanted a better, easier option, "always one foot out the door", according to him), but we decided to be friends but he wasnt really putting in an effort, so i silently went nc. Its been a few weeks since i have, and ive been doing ok. But my ex just texted me...it's 5amhere for starters. he has a daughter from a previous relationship. But either way, he never really has gotten to see her cuz him and the mom broke up, she basically took the daughter away and he never really fought much to get her back(like get a lawyer cuz he couldn't afford it). In fact the mom blocked him on facebook and wanted him to sign his parental rights away too. So he just texted me with a recent picture of her saying thought u might have wanted to see her most recent picture and txtd me her pic and said longest blindest hair ever. For starters idk how he got that pic, if he's getting custody again or is in contact with the mom suddenly. idk where that pic came from(I'd be curious to know but I don't wanna get sucked back in his life and start caring but I think a daughter should see her dad). Maybe he is finally taking my advice i said to him when we broke up, to go and try and be a part of her life, its selfish that hes not, etc. Also he could have just gotten the pic and feels overwhelmingly sentimental, his daughter always makes him cry, so he might feel emotional and texted me it, maybe he wants to hear something supportive and I've always been there for him, in which, if that's the case, screw that, he gave up that privilege when he broke up with me. Or it could just be that I've told him before i like seeing pics of his daughter, it makes me smile. Idk it's 5am here though...why text me? Should I respond?

[Ironman3]

Don't respond. Don't get involved. If you really dont want to be sucked back into his life, dont respond. He probably has a lot of issues some of which you already mentioned. There should be a lot of people out there for you. Find someone else. Move on.

[seoulmate]

He texted you because he thinks that if he texts you at 5am (when he's feeling incredibly lonely) you'll feed his ego and reply.

 

Your post is similar to many that are on here everyday....and I've seen almost nobody stay strong and not reply. So, as I assume you will reply....but when you do....just remember the pain he has caused you...and how selfish he is acting now. Because that is what this is...it is manipulative and selfish. C'mon...sending you a picture of his daughter????

[Brokenheart99]

Hmm you are so right, I was thinking of just saying she's beautiful and leaving it at that(cuz I really hate being rude to ppl even if they are rude to me, never been my style, and besides I was the one who told him I like seeing pics of his daughter, cuz she's like the cutest girl you will ever see).

 

I totally saw it as an ego trip too and he was just lonely and wanted support. Screw that. Would it be a really terrible idea to just say "she's beautiful" much

Much later and then not reply anymore? I hate being rude, I hate cutting people out, I try to treat people as I would like to be treated, even if they've been mean to me. Idk it kills me being mean to people.

[seoulmate]

You are going to reply no matter what anyone on here says. The "I hate being rude" reason is actually masking the emotional connection you still want with him but he doesn't reciprocate.

 

Trust me...the 1.5 years I've been on this forum it is the NUMBER ONE reason people use to reply to their ex. The "I can't be mean" reason.

 

You starte dthis thread because, inside, you hope people would reply and say "well, he must not be able to let go", or "he still must care", or something along those lines.

 

But, in all honesty, he doesn't. You'll figure it after time and the whole "I don't want to be mean" rationale you are using now, well,...you'll feel embarrassed, ashamed, and used, that you ever let yourself reply.

 

You'll wish you handled it totally different. I know because I see and read so many threads on here that start the same as this one does. And month slater the person is still here and the 'i ddidn't want to be mean' changes to 'I should have listened to everyone who said don't reply...'.

 

He cares about himself. That's why you're getting a message at 5am. He probably sent out messages to a bunch of people, too. Did you think about that? You're not the only one who got a message. He used the photo on you. Probably another message to someone else. You see...manipulators are selfish. And they use. Until he feels better about himself again he'll use and give nothing.

 

But go ahead...don't be mean...reply...and let yourself be used again.

[Brokenheart99]

Yeah you are right, it's an ego thing. I won't reply. Thanks! I wish I knew about this forum when I was dating him. He doesn't have many friends haha so I doubt he texted it to anyone else. But it is a complete ego trip. He was just lonely and wanted support. Screw it. When I needed him, he was cold and calloused and ignored me no matter how much he knew it hurt me. So, he can suck it. Ur right, I'm not gonna reply. Thank you I'm finally a tad but strong enough to say and do that! Yay!

[seoulmate]

I hope you hold strong and true to yourself.

 

I'd like to add this...

 

When someone sends you such a message at 5am....what do you think is going through their head? It's loneliness and self-pity. You said he was cold to you when you needed him...exactly...because that is what selfish people do.

 

You're not being cold by not replying. You just DESERVE some respect from him. That is what you are asking for by not replying. That is what you are implying nad telling him through your silence.

 

You can still care but also have self-respect and self-love. He could have sent that message today in the afternoon and made it more clear as to why he was sending it. Instead, he disrupted your world and your healing. How does it feel to have that constant disruption that leads nowhere?

 

You don't need to feel guilty. He doesn't deserve a reply to a text like that at 5am.

 

If he wants to play games...then he plays by your rules from now on.

[Brokenheart99]

That's true, he did wake me up and I couldn't go back to sleep after that, now I'm all tired haha. Yeah he just couldn't sleep and was prolly lonely. He dumped me, so suffer with ur loneliness now.

 

In his smallest defense, right before we split I had asked why he had taken his daughters pics off facebook, he said bc he didn't like ppl judging and that he would give me access to see them, bc I told him I like seeing her and it makes me smile. So when he txtd me at 5am, he said "thought u might have wanted to see this, this was taken 2 weeks ago, longest blondest hair ever." Again, he gets sad seeing his daughter cuz he's not in her life, so he was lonely sad and down and texted me. Selfish. Ur right. Maybe there was a tad bit of caring and courtesy since I asked to see them, but still mainly selfish. He could have texted in the afternoon or emailed, I won't respond.