madeinindia22 Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I want to share with you my story in the hopes that you or your community of followers will be able to give me some advice regarding my situation. I am an Indian born American, brought to this country at the age of 7 by my parents. During that time, I have grown more and more distant with my family in India and my roots. About 3 years ago, I started dating a Palestinian man. It's good to note here that although he's Palestinian, neither him nor his family adhere to the religion of Islam-- this will come into play later on in my story. Recently, 3 days ago, my parents found out about my relationship with him, and gave me the ultimate choice.. him, or them. Their reasoning for this is that he is a Muslim (he's not) and he will not gel well with my family back in India (whom I do not see or talk to, at all). My mother has even gone so far as to say that she will cut all ties with me should I choose to stay with him, and that we are as good as dead to each other-- she believes that me being with him will ruin her reputation, both with Indian families here and my family in India. I know in my heart of hearts that he is one of the most amazing men in the world, and he is one in a million. The way he treats me and looks after me is rivaled by no other relationship I've ever encountered within my family or friends, and I don't wish to lose that kind of a relationship. I believe that even if I search for the rest of my life, I may only be half as lucky to find someone as loving and caring as he is. Now, the question I pose to you, and your understanding, eloquent audience is this-- what choice do I make? Do I simply give up the person who might as well be the LOVE OF MY LIFE for the sake of my family's integrity? Or do I stay with him in the hopes that my parents will come around to the relationship in the future? Will they come around? What are the chances of that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChasingHope Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Parent's, though they feel they have our best interests at heart, are not always right. Unless this man is mistreating you, or putting others in danger with his actions, then they may need to learn to accept him. I am an American born Catholic, and have never had disaproval from my parents with anyone I was dating, even when they were clearly losers. My parents allowed me to make my own decisions, and if I was happy then they were happy. In the end, you need to do what is right for YOU--and if your parents continue to disregard your happiness, perhaps it is time to start disregarding their opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Let me ask, How old are you? Do you still live at home? How did you keep this a secret for three years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madeinindia22 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 I'm 21, will be 22 in about 2 months. I was able to keep this from them for three years because I did not live at home after the age of 19. I just recently moved back home at my mother's insistence but will be moving out again in December/January when I graduate college. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 My mother has even gone so far as to say that she will cut all ties with me should I choose to stay with him, and that we are as good as dead to each other Would any loving parent actually do this? You have to do something totally horrific for them to consider an ultimatum like this. It's an empty threat that a parent makes who wants to watch for the best interest of their children. Been there, done that. I dated my fiance (immigrant, non-American) since I was 19. Ten years ago, we were best friends in college before things clicked. My family didn't approve of our interracial relationship. They made comments how he as using me for green card status (even though he already had it before we met), how our future children will be ugly, and that my fiance could be "one of those foreigners" who get American girls pregnant and take their kids back with them to their home country where I would never see them again. They even went out of their way to help an abusive ex, a man who was a trained Marine and put me in medical care because he gave me a concussion, rekindle with me while I was dating my fiance; a plan that backfired and caused me to resent my parents for a time. We were both immature when we first started dating, but after a few years we "grew up" and got even more serious. What mattered in the end was that we were both happy with each other. No other guy ever treated me as well as he did because he is amazingly patient and sought ways to understand me when at times, I can be difficult due to my introverted/headstrong personality and Attention Deficit. We worked several issues out and are overcoming financial struggle due to lack of job stability/this economy; for many young couples, this would be the nail on the coffin. We both went/going back to school for career changes so we can fulfill our plan on having a family together. It took my parents SEVERAL years to recognize we were pretty serious and not just some college relationship fling. We balanced each other out that it has helped us grow together and make us better people than we were in the past. There is no other person who keeps me level-headed and grounded than my fiance. So OP... just go with what makes you HAPPY. Your parents can love you and support you, but they cannot provide ALL needs as a potential husband can. Take their viewpoint like a grain of salt and give them time like I did with mine. If this guy treats you well and respects who you are, then don't give him up for your parents. How long have you dated this guy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madeinindia22 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Share Posted August 11, 2013 Almost 3 years, and yeah, I mean I just don't understand the decision they're having me make. If I have to spend the rest of my life with someone, obviously I would make a decision that benefits me and makes me feel the happiest. I wish they could understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perrin83 Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I'm going to get off topic, here, and suggest that you never again associate these two things together. It is sad that your ex was abusive, but he was not abusive due to being a trained Marine and he didn't join the Marine Corps because he was abusive. I am a Marine and some of the best people I have ever known are Marines. Making a connection like you have, where there is no basis for a connection, furthers misconception. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 IF you're happy with your boyfriend then let your parents know you love him and you want to be with him. If they can't accept that, well it's their loss if they want to disown you because you want to live your life, the way you see fit. It's extremely selfish to make a child choose between a partner and parents. I'd go so far to say it's actually manipulative and in order to become independent you need to stand up for yourself, your rights and wants. They might be your parents, but it is your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Disregard. See my PM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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