XpandTheMind Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 So, we texted...I know it's over and all that, but she is important to me, and I do want her in my life still. Anyway... We text and I tell her the truth, I was open and honest. She came off as generic? She told me that she "felt I needed to step back and get back to being myself..." And I agreed, but it's hard when you lose someone you held in such high regards. What I said during the exchange... I told her it has sucked, but I'm getting by. She mentioned that she felt "like a burden" to me, and mentioned out schedules clashing, being in different places in life, and how at times she took it as me not having time for her... In short... I feel I didn't communicate my thoughts and emotions to her clearly, felt like I became too focused on the negative. What really bums me is that I felt the opposite...I love this girl a lot, care about her, all that, and it really beats me up to think I was too narrow minded to show her. But, she did say something that threw me..."if you or anyone else is to be a part of my life, you'll be an accent, not the main focus. I need to get back to being happy being me, and feel good about what I have to offer..." I'm supposed to call her tomorrow night. What do you guys/especially ladies, think what's going on here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrNick Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 I'm sorry to say this, but I was in your exact position a number of years ago. Women will generally try to avoid hurting you (unless they are angry and deliberately want to hurt you) so they will come up with all sorts of reasons as to why it won't work. However, the fact of the matter is that she is no longer "into" you (for whatever reason) and nothing you do or say will change that now. You need NC! Not because it will get her back, but because you need to move on. I know this advice really hurts and it's probably not what you want to hear, but take it from me, it will save your sanity to make the hard decision now, rather than live in a fantasy world where every little move by her becomes overanalysed and picked apart until you drive yourself to a breakdown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XpandTheMind Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Thanks for the advice. I know what I have to do. Just sucks it ended so abruptly, and her feelings changed on a dime. But, ill have to forget about it, and move on. Thanks DrNick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 I agree with DrNick. It sounds like she has fallen out of love with you. Once that happens, all you can do is respect their decision, give them exactly what they asked (do not stay around and be their emotional safety net) and try your best to heal yourself. I think that you need to convey a 'don't want any more contact (in order to heal) unless you have explicitly changed your mind and want to try again' message and then go total no contact and do your best to move on. I have come to believe that if they truly love you, they won't give up on you like that. I am sorry for your loss. P.S. Her feelings did not change abruptly. She has been thinking of this for a while - you just did not know it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XpandTheMind Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 I hear you. Just re read a text, and it said it all...she said "she definitely doesn't want me to disappear, but doesn't want to feel as if she's forcing people to be around her..." The statement eats itself. Thanks again, I'll be good, I know I can do this, and will. I'm usually pretty strong, mentally, but anyway...thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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