Ugh I can't do this

[Brokenheart99]

So my ex just pocket dialed me, haha my heart stopped when I saw his call, but I just heard background noise with no response. I txtd asking him, no response yet. It's nothing right?

[Liraele]

In order to have a relationship, both parties have to want it. Not just one. Just because it is possible to have a relationship with someone doesn't mean that you actually will. You can tell yourself 9,000 different ways that he wants it too... but his actions seem to show otherwise.

 

If you really want a chance at reconciliation (and it's a chance - not a guarantee), look at mhowe's threads and actually listen to her advice. Letting go with love can draw someone back to you. But they have to actually want you and the relationship... and that isn't for you to decide. It's for them to decide. Being a clingy, needy freak most likely is going to make them run for the hills. (I use the term freak very tongue-in-cheek, bee tee dubs. Been the freak, m'self.)

 

Going NC isn't for him. It's for you. The more time that passes, the tighter the thread is pulled. Eventually, that thread that ties you together will break because you have moved so far in different directions, and you'll breathe a little easier. That doesn't mean that NC is "easy" - I think very few people would tell you that it is. That it gets easier with more time means that it becomes less of a struggle to maintain. It becomes less of a struggle to focus on things other than your ex, and it becomes less of a struggle to move forward with your own life. That doesn't mean it's easy.

 

If he misses you during this time and has some epiphany that he can't live with out you... great for him! He'll reach out and communicate it. Then you can choose. If he doesn't, then he doesn't, and you're still that much further along your path of healing.

 

Eventually, you'll get tired of causing yourself pain and emotional damage by reaching out and not getting the responses you want. The time-frame and personal self-inflicted pain limit is different for everyone. It's OK to screw up. It's really your choice... you can heal, or you can keep opening the same old wound, hoping for different results. We go through the lessons until we learn them. Over and over and over and over again, as necessary.

 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

 

Love makes us a little bit insane. The good news is that we can break the cycle. If and when we want to.

[Brokenheart99]

Yours is really great advice, it really is, it's all true too. I think maybe I came off really needy and clingy to him in the beginning of the break up(first 2-3 days) but now for the last few days, I've maintained nc, except today to txt him back asking if he meant to call, which was a mistake looking back now. Either way, right now he sees a side of me where I'm maintaining nc and playing it cool, at least for like 2.5 days heh. I guess to you guys here, all the mess I really feel comes out, mainly bc I can let it out here, hah.

 

I understand what u mean about letting it go and seeing if it comes back, deep down I know that. I'll be honest, while I do want it back, I realize I can't force it, hence I'm keeping nc. That being said, I guess, if I know him at all, it's that sometimes he has trouble seeing things and thinking clearly, and has always needed some guidance, not just with me or rs, but with everything. So for instance in his head, for a long time he believed, I would get disowned, when I finally explained it I wouldn't etc, he realized and was able to take a hesitant step forward. He lets his fears hold him back. Sure, I'm not his mother, but as a friend and someone I care about(even as an ex) I would always wanna help him and make sure he knows all the options before making a choice, about anything, not just us. Before jumping all over me for that, please realize that I say that not out of desperation, but just honest advice that I would give to anyone. So if I ever wanna contact him and say something, it's bc sometimes I feel like he makes such premature decisions and I just wanna make sure he sees both sides before doing something. I guess in a way it's for my own closure and peace of mind. Bc even if he decides no after knowing both sides, then it's easier to swallow that and say "okay, this is what he wants". I guess I'm open to attack here, but that's just how I feel.

 

I agree I've been super crazy and whatever else, I guess it's just part of my nature and grieving process. I have to go thru all the scenarios and situations and analyze everything, and ultimately, either enuf time has passed where I move on or I just find some logical explanation that helps me accept it. None of it is easy, but right now thinking about the thread breaking and us going in different directions is too scary and something I'm not ready for, takes me right back to clinging on. Haha

 

I guess at this point, I realize that it's over and he wants it as such, and if I ever have a chance, he has to come back on his own, tho sadly im not sure he aill anymore. I guess I hold on so tightly well one bc I don't like my alternative and two bc sure, while I feel like I can move on from the break up and stop obsessing, I just feel like everything I do will be boring and pale in comparison. When we broke up for a long time, I was just so bored, I didn't think about him constantly, but I just didn't have as much fun as I did when I did stuff with him. All I know, is despite the crap we went thru and all his bad qualities and mine and the difficulties, I was happy with him, more than without him. I guess that's what's most sad, is knowing that I'm losing that.

 

Thank you for the advice, it always helps, I do appreciate it honestly and as stubborn and crazy as I come off, it actually does sink. I guess just at my own pace and volition. Now how ill feel tomm morning, well that's a diff story