Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I'm sorry for the spam, by now ppl are sick of my story. I just miss him. Omg I wanna contact him so badly, but I know he won't answer anyway. I feel like hell. It's only been 5 days, but in three yrs, we have never gone longer than 4 days without talking. I've had break ups before but it's never been this bad. I'm dying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 You are focusing on nothing but "missing him". Surely you have work, friends, family. Your posts show nothing but dwelling on that which you cannot change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I read all these threads of ppl saying how they have gone nc for so many days and it gets easier, bull for me even while I was dreaming, I was dreading waking up, I just kinda for some reason thought it was later than 8am, so the morn would be over and I wouldn't feel so bad. But of course, life sucks, and when I opened my eyes, it was 8am. He just sleeps away so peacefully till like 11-12, wakes up to a busy family, fun filled day. It's so much easier for him. In all the times I've wanted An ex to come back, how come it never happens like u want it? It's always years later if it does. I read these posts of ppl saying oh 67 days later, he contacted me saying he still loves me. I'm so jealous why did I have to fall for the most stubborn prideful man on earth? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I have work, which I'm off today. My family is amazingly cold and disappointed with me, so we barely talk. My friends are all married and busy and moved away. The few left are sleeping or working and don't know my situation and can't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken0001 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Don't give in. At least have a little dignity. I'm on my 3rd day of NC but I'm not feeling the urge to contact her in any way. We've been in a relationship for 4 years. Though the relationship was on and off (this is the 3rd time we've broken up and Frankly, I hope this is the last, being that she doesn't return anymore). Contacting him will only put you on Day 1 of moving on. Do you want that? Do you want him to laugh at your dead beat carcass? Save yourself the humiliation and as early as now, do not give in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 He wouldn't laugh at me, mainly he would think I'm crazy a little, get a little frustrated that I won't accept it, and most of all prolly just understand how hard it is n that I love him n just feel bad for me n for doing this to me. But ur right, me contacting him would never let him miss me, if he ever will. One minute at a time huh =\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Your man is neither stubborn nor prideful. He is, in fact, very devoted to his religion...of which you are not a part. Your original thread mentioned that you blew up at him for making a choice w/ regard to his religion that could exclude you. It also mentioned you tried to make him jealous with another man. Later, you mentioned that your relationship was carried out for the most part long distance and in secrecy. And that your parents, whom you love, would disown you were you to marry this man --- who, in fact, was unwilling to do so. So --- I think you are building this into something it was not, and never could be. And the sooner you reconcile fantasy and reality, the easier your life will get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I'm tired of fighting the possibility of my rs. It is not denial, it is possible to have, it is just hard, much harder than most rs. My parents won't disown me for him, and the secrets would stop if we took the next step forward. Yes, I screwed up and got mad at him, ppl make mistakes. I apologized and realized my mistake. Surely, you have made mistakes too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 It is possible to have IF BOTH PEOPLE WANTED TO HAVE IT. He does not...or he would have done something. He knows by not "rescuing" you, you will have an arranged marriage. Your culture and your religions are not "compatible". You call asking him to choose between you and his religion "a mistake"? I think it is a little bigger than that. And I think your stance on whatever that issue was -- your reaction --- was the final straw...I think he said "I can't do this anymore". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Obviously. But you keep talking like the rs is impossible bc we are different in religion and culture. It's not. It's harder but not impossible. I understand he doesn't want to try that, hence the break up, personally I think it's a little premature and I know he gets overwhelmed fast, but that's just my opinion. Obv his is different. I'm allowed to be a little annoyed at the fact that he wasn't willing to try it. Religion is something that he just found, he was no religion 5 months ago. So while he is more devout now, I am still saying it is a mistake. Perhaps it was a final straw for him, fine so be it, but it was a mistake on my part. It was heat of the moment, I was upset. We have talked about it before where I have been understanding and didn't force him to choose. We had a fight, straw that broke the camels back. Each break up is his final straw. We always fall back together, im not saying he will here since this time things are different, just pointing out that that is his stubbornness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Religion is something that he just found, he was no religion 5 months ago. So while he is more devout now, I am still saying it is a mistake. Mistake or not, he chose the religion over you. That's a pretty powerful thought. Never issue ultimatums unless you are prepared to live with the consequences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 If you were annoyed or angry, I would almost be happy for you. You are just miserable, and wallowing in the misery. You cannot change his mind -- and maybe he will change it somewhere down the line....but there is not point in dwelling on a future that might never happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I know I shouldn't have, I can only say sorry and say I didn't mean it. But it's not enuf, cuz we are still broken up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I guess so, how do u live with that tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I know I shouldn't have, I can only say sorry and say I didn't mean it. But it's not enuf, cuz we are still broken up You were angry, you apologized --- but you did mean it. You focus on today -- each and every day when you wake up. You don't focus on yesterday, because there is nothing you can do about yesterday. And you don't focus on a future --- with him. Can you just not marry? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Me not marrying isn't an option. Maybe that's why it's so hard, I tried to talk to him n tell him how I feel about arranged marriages, the arranged guy. I guess he's nice, understands where I'm coming from, but there is just no chemistry. I feel like I'm just settling. I just have none of the sparks that normal ppl do in early rs. We never laugh or joke, it's nothing I look for in a person except that he might be stable. I think when I gave him the ultimatum, I didn't mean it. I was mainly mad that he just chose it without hesitation, or so I thought at the Time, without discussing it with me. Maybe bc I have that insecurity of feeling uncared about, it's my issue that i need to work on. Looking back at it now, I realize it's his choice, his dream, he doesn't need my permission or discussion. I should have been supportive and realized he prolly did think of me. I was just so blindingly upset that we would have to break up. Every morn is hard, but this ones almost over, u guys helped, so hey maybe I can make it thru some more? =\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elle12 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 You can totally make it through this. And you have to trust that even if this relationship IS meant to be, it's not meant to be right NOW and there's nothing you can do about it. You have to wait and see if he comes back to you. If he does, you can reevaluate. If he doesn't, you have your answer and you have to trust that he knows enough about himself and cares enough about you to make a choice that is better in the long run for both of you. I know it's really hard to stop overanalyzing everything about the breakup because I'm going through that right now too, but the less you think about it, the better you'll feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah that's exactly what I've realized from this site in the last day, that nothing is in my hands at this point, that its just not meant to be right now. Right now I'm just trying to run with that and make it thru mornings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 So I'm sure this is all just false hope, but humor me anyway. If he cut me off, ignoring calls and texts and messages. Why hasn't he unfriended me on fb? I got the "seen" notification on fb and he never deleted my messages either on fb. Also, granted he hasn't "technically logged onto Skype" (he's invisible), he hasn't changed his profile pic which is one of us together. Gosh I sound crazy, but I over analyze, so I guess I'm curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elle12 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 you are having almost the same thoughts as me. he wasn't on gchat at all last week...so he must be sad, right??? but i unblocked him for a second today and he was online...so he must be totally over me. and he didn't post anything on facebook last week...which is good...but then he posted a picture over the weekend...so he hates me. i think you should probably try not to think about it but the profile pic thing might be a good sign. but don't think about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Hahah I don't know that the profile pic is a good sign, all his other signs of declining calls and turning off his phone on me and ignoring me even after his brother asked him to call me, are much bigger signs maybe he just hasn't taken the pic down on Skype bc he technically hasn't logged in, idk. Last time we broke up for 6 months (even tho we kept small amts of contact then), he had that profile pic up the whole time. Hah, I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean anything. but yeah I guess I won't look into anything. I'll look for a clear sign haha like if I ever got a text saying I miss you or I want you back. Haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 My birthday is in a month, I wonder if he will say happy bday, I guess at that point I'll really know huh =\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Is it weird, I have no idea whats going on In his life, I have never not known even when we were broken up. =\ he's always told me or mutual friends or something. This time, I just have no clue. It's saddening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elle12 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 i hate that. my ex and i talked every day all day either online or through texting and we saw each other a lot too...suddenly not having that has been more upsetting than actually being broken up, i think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I'd definitely agree with that, he's my best friend. And I'm his, I think the loss of contact is hard. I'm such a mess haha, I do okay if I sit on here like all day, but the minute I go do something, after a little bit, I get this overwhelming sadness and I get quiet and depressed bc I think I would have more fun doing this with him, and how I'm not having as much fun as I have with him. Everything just seems to pale in comparison haha. I can't wait to find "something or someone" better who will help me forget about him, but sadly, and maybe this is just grief, I'm weary that I will. =\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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