Allipie Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 The arranged marriage part makes it extra hard. Maybe it wont be so bad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 It was a bit of both mhowe, my fam found out initially early on in our secret dating, forced us to make a decision cuz they wouldn't let us just date, but we weren't ready so we lied and told them it was over and continued to date till we were ready to come forward. Another difficulty in the rs, the secrets. When we were ready, I woulda come clean and since they had already knew about him, they would begrudgingly accept it. Maybe not initially but eventually. They told me, this can never happen again, so either you choose him or don't do this again bc they will disown me. I def don't wanna lose my family to another guy. So when I say I date now, it's just for fun as a distraction, I can't look for anything srs bc of my our agreement and that it will just kill them if I do it again. Again, I'm sure ill get bashed at how this made us even less compatible, yes the secrets made us hard while dating, but if he could ever feel comfortable enough to get over the obstacles and whether this uphill, the rest is all downhill. Cuz by then, my family would know, no more secrets, we could marry and close the distance gap and have the proximity and physical contact needed to nurture a relationship. And allipie, sure maybe there is an off chance that it won't be so bad..but what If I told u that u had to right now...how would u feel? u get to see each other a few short times in arranged visits and some impersonal/casual email or call for a few months, and then get married. I'm settling with someone I know I don't love and hoping that I will grow to love them and watching the love of my life walk away, bc there is no hope as everyone says. When I think about it, I can barely swallow, I get this overwhelming sense of fear and panic come over me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I dont know what i would do in your situation perhaps just hope that my family knows what is best and chooses the right person. Or you can run away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Me and my ex talked about doing that, but I love my family and would miss them n be sad and he would never let me choose him over my family. Nor would i Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 How old are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I'm 28 years old Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Aah ok. Have you met the guy yet? (Sorry if u said you did and i missed it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 We have emailed/called, haven't met him yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 And how is it going with him? I mean, obviously youre not going to fall in love over emails, but you can get a general sense of who he is...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I mean he's okay, kinda boring, I really dunno, I guess he's a nice guy? There definitely isn't much chemistry I can say that for sure, he just seems okay I guess. God I'm sad and I miss my ex. I just wish I could talk to him in times like these. I'm sorry for being so needy and such a mess, I'm sure u guys have grown tired of hearing me. Ugh. Whenever I come back home, I'm just so sad. He's so busy with so many new family members and distractions, I bet he doesn't even much miss me. Ugh I feel so down, gosh I miss him, he's my best friend. Whenever things are hard in my life, with family mainly, he's always been there. I just miss him so much right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Count how many times you used the word "miss" in your last post.. that will keep your mind occupied for a bit. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Give the guy a chance! He may just be nervous....sometimes its hard for people to open up right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Lol...I honestly did give him a chance, he's not nervous, he's just kinda boring and pushy. I told him I wanted to back off some bc I wanted time to like him and he just kept insisting we talk every day etc. I'm just not ready for all that and I told him, it just doesn't matter. Idk he's just not fun to talk to, it's like a chore for me, I dread his emails and calls and count the minutes down till I can hang up. Maybe it will get better but idk at this point I'm forcing it. Anyone I've truly liked, I love talking to them and can spend hours talking to. Ugh I'm so sad, I can't stop crying. I just miss him. I'm just hoping this is all a bad dream and any moment he will call or text me back saying he was an idiot and misses me. But I'm barely coming to the fact that he won't. I just can't stop missing him. It's been 4 days, I miss how simply I can laugh with him. And how no matter what monster problem I face, a simple hug from him resolves it all. Ugh, I'm dying. I wish we were born asexual. Love sucks. Or if love were to exist, I wish it only happened if you two were never going to break up. I miss him. I think that was 50 times thatwasthen that I said miss, heh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I was missing you say "miss" and then you made up for it in the last paragraph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selfsabotage Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Dont lower yourself dont msg or contact him if he wont reply it will only serve to fuel his ego and give him something to talk about, he hurt you not the other way around remember that. It should be him being ignored by you. Keep your self respect because you are someone of value, its his loss, he will see that one day but if u lower yourself he will never respect u. People wont respect you unless you respect yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah accept lost love teaches/forces u to swallow ur pride and bests my respect out of me heh. As much as I wanna hate him, I can't bc he never did anything to hurt me, he just thinks he's doing what's best bc he's afraid the rs is doomed so he's walking out now. Can't blame him for that. Thatwasthen haha you guys are awesome, spamming u all does make me feel better. I guess maybe I just need someone to constantly talk about it with. And holy crap I took up 7 pages on the Internet with my lameness. Sorry you all, I can't help that I need someone to listen to constantly but I couldn't be more grateful that you guys are here for me. Remind me again, it won't be too much for you all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Another morning...I hate waking up. I feel so miserable. I want him back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Idk if I can respect his position bc I feel like if he wanted to go nc he should at least say goodbye and tell me that like an adult. So I can't respect it but unfortunately you are right, there is nothing I can do so I have to just abide by it. While I understand there is nothing I can do, I just wanna know what happened and if it sounds like there is any hope? It feels like a full 180 so I'm just floored. Here's your issue. You aren't respecting his position because its not what YOU think he should do. The first thing you are going to need to accept is not everyone is going to handle things in the way you would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah I guess so, I see now why he's doing it and I understand it. I can't even be mad at him for taking that approach, ppl do things differently. He's doing what he feels he need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Im glad you are able to realize that! Yay progress!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Heh, me being mad then when he cut me off was easier than accepting the truth that he didn't want to talk anymore. It's funny how ur mind protects u from too much pain. I hate relationships...maybe I can be a plant and make myself happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Haha aww. I woke up so mad at my situation. But again, he has his reasons, and im going tonrespect that. Even though he said we can still talk and hangout...its just setting myself up for more heartache. Relationships can be tricky. I think im going to wait a long time before i jump back into dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Hey at least ur in the anger stage! Good for u, hold onto that. In my past break ups, I've always just started off angry and I use that anger to move on, bc I just tell myself I'm angry and I hate them and that fuels me to indifference. Right now, I can't get my head out of misery. What day of nc/break up did it start getting even a bit easier, cuz right now it still feels like hell. I can't believe I didn't contact him today, I'm so proud of myself and grateful for this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 It was easy the first few days but as it got closer to a week, it got harder. Then i realized the 3 weeks of limited contact were all initiated by me....2 txts and an email. His replies were cold...not as friendly. It sucked. But reinforced that NC was better to let him sort himself out. And for me to move on since i think hes made his mind up about me. Oh well. I will be ok once i get to work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 So 3 weeks huh? I think I can try that challenge of nc, and see how it goes for me. Honestly I'm just so happy I didn't try contacting him this morn(even tho he won't respond), but at least I didn't try, baby steps right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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