Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 You guys are amazing, Ty for the support and lack of annoyance I found here. I can be pathetic and weepy and lame here without judgment. Idk any of you but I love you all! Idk if I'm clinging to my ex because of just the anxiety. I def think that maybe I'm having a hard time accepting and letting go of the break up bc of that. I cling bc I love him and I know he loves me, he's just fickle and changes his mind often. But as many bad qualities I can list about him and as many times ppl will say why do u want someone like that, I'll still just love him. Bc of all the great times, bc of how amazing I've seen us be. It's everything I've wanted. Of course, you are right that its over, and I have to let it be over. I guess you're right. My fear is that for me being over means being in an arranged marriage, and no I can't really escape it bc I would lose my family all over and it's just not an option I have. It's very complex. I'm afraid of this wife and life I have to pretend to be. It's a life I hate living, I fear I will just be so sad in it. And perhaps my fear is irrational and maybe ill love it but I doubt it. It's not just a mindset, it's just I don't like the things I have to do and be to accept an arranged marriage. At the end of the day I just love him and ultimately want to be with him but maybe I have trouble letting go bc I'm weary of my future and being in a loveless marriage with someone I won't be as compatible with. When u taste sweet, nothing tastes as sweet again, right? Heh. I should rename my name emo girl hah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I feel your pain but like everyone has said...you have to stop contacting him. I know its hard...we all have had to do it...but its for the best. Read my posts about what ive gone through...my guy did a 180 on me in a matter of 2 days. He went from rushing to be at my side to pushing me away. Its rough not knowing what is going on in their head, but it will mess up your head the more you try to figure it out. And continue to post your thoughts and what you are feeling...sometimes getting it out in the open helps you heal-even if no one responds. You will be ok. Heartbreak is not the end of the world, even though it can feel like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 I guess so, I can try stopping. I think after I've healed some, I would like to send him one final msg for myself, there are many things I wanna say. But for now ill try nc, I can't promise i won't slip but I'll try. At this point, talking to him is like talking to a tombstone, it's more for me than him. So one question, before I go nc, I must guiltily admit that I would hate to have the last words said to him be all the crazy pleading messages and calls. Is it a good idea to send one last message of I respect ur choice, I love you, I'm here if u ever need anything kinda goodbye txt? So at least I have some shred of dignity remaining? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Also will I ever get my stuff back from him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Send an email him to mail it to you. However, if it isn't important...in that it can easily be replaced, then don't bother. It will look like yet another attempt to get him to contact you. If you must... just.request it. No talk of getting together or reminiscing about the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Hmmmm. If it will make you feel better, send ONE short message saying you are sorry for how you reacted, that you will give him his space and to mail your stuff to you. Keep it very short. Too many words and he will not even read it. With my guy, its the first time i didnt do the compulsive texting, pleading etc. I basically made it known that i respected his choice and that I am here if he needs someone to talk to. I came off level headed but im really a mess about it. Dont let them see you upset or make it known that they have mad you mad ;p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 I guess so, I hate that I always plead, ugh it makes me so pathetic. I think in a few days or so, I might send that txt of sorry for my reaction, I love you but ill respect ur space. I want some dignity out of this. And I guess instead of spamming him, I will spam u guys. Beware the wrath of a crazy woman will be upon u guys... I always feel a little better in the day, but the mornings are so terribly hard, my grief overcomes me. The nights get lonely but not quite as bad as the mornings. I wonder why mornings are so hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MajinGuu Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I always feel a little better in the day, but the mornings are so terribly hard, my grief overcomes me. The nights get lonely but not quite as bad as the mornings. I wonder why mornings are so hard Same! I think it's just... You're more or less peacefully asleep, you temporarily forget what you're going through, and then you open your eyes and you get hit by the ugly reality all over again. And it just hurts a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Yes spam here! Or write in a journal! haha sitting here talking to people is all ive done today. The mornings for me have been awful....i mean, i have to take a xanax to sleep, but still wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, my stomach has been in knots, i check my phone whenever i wake up to see if theres something from him...there never is. It sucks but thats the way it is. He knows how i feel, and i gotta go through the grieving process. (Sorry if im repeating myself lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Omg u guys are amazing. The Internet is amazing huh. That's how I am, I barely sleep, I'm so happy if I do sleep. Every txt I get, I'm praying its him. Even on fb, when I spammed him earlier, I see the "seen" notification and wonder if he actually read it. I'm so lame haha. And please do repeat Yourself, I do. It helps hearing from you guys and I hope it helps you too. I've been just checking this site all day too. Thank you guys. I guess ur right about mornings, god they are terrible. I dread every morning. So ppl say only time heals the pain, would it just be possible to sleep time away till Enuf time has passed and u won't hurt as much anymore? What if I just take some Benadryl everyday till I am hurting less? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MajinGuu Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I guess ur right about mornings, god they are terrible. I dread every morning. So ppl say only time heals the pain, would it just be possible to sleep time away till Enuf time has passed and u won't hurt as much anymore? What if I just take some Benadryl everyday till I am hurting less? Girl no... And trust me the morbid thought of wanting to be in a coma until the pain stops did cross my mind! But it's obviously ridiculous and it wouldn't work, I really think we have to deal with the pain and those awful mornings, I really believe the pain is going to fade more and more with time so we have to stay strong and deal with it as much as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Life sucks bc it never let's you have an easy way out. I mean hell, there are shortcuts for a reason, haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 I know it's stupid of me, and maybe it's just my nature but a tiny part of me always hopes and will always hold onto that until enough time passes where I won't hope anymore or something will happen that will kill the hope, like he gets married, or I meet someone else I like better and forget about him. But until then, I can't help but hope and hold onto it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allipie Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Dont take benadryl if you dont have to because then you will become dependent on it to sleep. I have legit anxiety issues so that is why i have a prescription for xanax. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 You should read the Five Stages of Grief. It will give you something to think about besides your pain which, by the sounds of it, you are making your best friend. Certainly you will get over this. (once you accept) If no one got over the pain of someone no longer being in their life, then we'd all die along with our loved ones who go before us. Time, and most importantly, what you do with your time will allow you to become indifferent to the fact that he's no longer in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Haha I've actually read all that, I've done all the self help things, gone to a therapist, dated others, joined activities etc, And while that all helps some, I've never truly been able to get past him. I'll keep trying but the small shred of hope is always there. It gives me something to hold onto to make it through the day. I'll keep trying, right now I'm just focusing on not contacting him and keeping myself busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I think maybe a few for sessionsion with your therapists will help you get past that tad of hope you have left. I also know that you are afraid that the sessions will actually work so you've decided that you don't need anymore. That's okay, we all accept at our own pace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Idk I'm never gonna be that jaded in life to say that there is no hope. How does the saying go...the nature of a heart turns over like a pot of boiling water. Emotions and feelings are constantly changing, if you loved someone once, you are always capable of loving them again. So while at this point, sure there is no hope, I can't honestly sit here and lie to myself and say there will never be hope. Hence, the shred of hope I cling onto. Every single ex of mine has come back, and yes while not all guys are the same, there is still hope, albeit small. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Every single ex of mine has come back, Unless they stay, there is no value in that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 It's just I didn't want them anymore so I never furthered it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 ahhhhh! Then even less value in that. Anyway; Now you know how they felt. Ying/Yang. May I suggest you don't wait around for him. There's little reasoning in that. If he comes back then so be it.. if he doesn't, well at least you're moving on at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostagain100 Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 ahhhhh! Then even less value in that. Anyway; Now you know how they felt. Ying/Yang. May I suggest you don't wait around for him. There's little reasoning in that. If he comes back then so be it.. if he doesn't, well at least you're moving on at the same time. As harsh as it sounds, this is solid advice... now if only I can follow the same advice myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Thing is, everyone acts like I can just move on and maybe later if its meant to be, it will happen. For me, moving on means getting married arranged, which is currently happening ATM. So yes in ordinary cases, moving on without hope would be ideal, my case is different. Also, call me stupid but to say that me having hope is unfounded is wrong bc of the past times we have broken up for good with "no intentions of coming back" and we have come back. Again, the heart changes often. So maybe I wanna wait a few months till I can't anymore..idk, I guess I just don't like my alternative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 When I say I will wait, I don't mean I will continue to remember our times and firmly believe we will work out, I just mean I will keep a shred of hope but continue to do other things and keep him out of my mind and date others. Eventually, I will slowly move on anyway, and if he comes back in that time, then so be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 So was the arranged marriage in the works while you were with him? Or was he a secret with your family? Wait..you are allowed to date others? I am confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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