Ex wants to be friends....being persistent

[JSHRN]

Many of you have read my previous threads and posts about my recent breakup (7 weeks), so I won't rehash them here. Since we still work together we still have occasional contact (2 days a week). I have been trying to move on and totally ignore her at work (which she told me she doesn't appreciate). Anyways, whenever she approaches me (I never approach her), she wants to talk and I basically say I have nothing to say to her. She wants to know why and doesn't see why we can't be friends like we used to be - she wants the "old me" back. I told her that's not possible. I have REPEATEDLY told that we can't ever be friends and to leave me alone. She told me she will be persistent. I told her she's wasting her time. She said "God put you in my in my life for a reason. Friends forever". I told her by her breaking up with me she took me out of her life. She said breaking up with me was a "huge, huge loss for her" and I was "the best thing that ever happened to her". But she said she made her choice and now she has to live with it. The other day she told me that things aren't going too well since she went back to her husband. I told her I didn't care and that she should talk to her husband about that. And to again, leave me the f*** alone. I've told her REPEATEDLY to leave me alone, but she hasn't. How do I get her to stop once and for all?

[sharky988]

The lesson here is: telling her to leave you alone doesn't work.

 

It hasn't worked in the past -- and it's not going to work in the future.

[JSHRN]

The lesson here is: telling her to leave you alone doesn't work.

 

It hasn't worked in the past -- and it's not going to work in the future.

 

 

So the answer is???

[iDoctor]

Any chance you can take it up with management or the like?

 

Her behavior is really harassment and it's clear you want nothing more than the forced co-worker relationship.

 

P.S. I wish I could tell my ex to leave me alone and never contact me again. Not quite as strong as I'd like.

[ThatwasThen]

Well here's some advice rather then a lesson that isn't really one.

 

Tell her that you do not want her harassing you at work. (at least when her attempts are not in person you can be in conrol by not answering her) Tell her that if she continues on in her attempts to keep you while not having you, then you will go to human resources at work and report her. Mean what you say. If you won't do that then don't say.

 

Tell her that the demoted state of friends is not an option and she needs to get over herself and her need to have her own way... that you're not interested and your conversations end here. Then, DO NOT talk to her again even if she tries to engage you. No matter what she says, don't answer. No matter what. Leave the scene if you feel you're going to break and say something. Eventually when she sees that her bullchit isn't working, she'll stop. Right now she's getting a response from you and any attention is still attention. Stop giving her any. PERIOD.

 

Let us know how that works.

[mhowe]

Walk away. No one can make you talk to them.

[sharky988]

The lesson is, talking to her doesn't have an effect. You need to take ACTION.

 

You said you could transfer to another unit. You also said you were going to start looking for another job!

[Enn]

If you're completely silent (not even saying 'I have nothing to say to you'), surely she'll just look demented if she talks to you? Don't say a word, unless it's necessary work stuff. And speak to HR!

[Liraele]

If you're completely silent (not even saying 'I have nothing to say to you'), surely she'll just look demented if she talks to you? Don't say a word, unless it's necessary work stuff. And speak to HR!

 

Yep.

 

Ignore her unless it is 100% work related and necessary. This is important, because once she realizes you will only talk to her about work, she will probably find ways to MAKE you talk to her about work.

 

If she persists, talk to HR. Don't be petty about it, and you don't have to share your whole life story, but they should be able to help you create some much desired distance.