Tips for guys who like a certain girl and want to have her..

[Double J]

I've been reading through the posts lately, and I've seen a lot of you guys saying that you've told a girl you like her, and now you're waiting for a sign. You want to ask her out, but you're scared of rejection, or possibly don't want to ruin your friendship with her.

 

Why in the world should a girl have to know that you like her? Girls love mystery. They love to ponder whether or not a guy likes them. It's much more effective to convey that you like a girl through subtle touching, eye contact, and other signs than by giving an "I like you" speech. Showing confidence and going for what you want is what attracts girls, not trying to flatter her by expressing your feelings. I know this might not sound plausible, but it's the truth guys. I know this through experience.

 

Now, once you know that the girl is interested and you do get together in a relationship, that's precisely when you should open up more and become more emotional.

[Caldus]

I agree with Double J. My success with women has only been increasing ever since I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums about having confidence, etc. I find that most girls love those "little things" if you know what I mean and that includes body language.

[Recovering_Lover]

I second Double J,

 

Its all about confidence and if both of you havethe right chemistry. If she likes you, trust me, she would show it in some way or another.

 

Don't tell her, you love her etc....becoz. that just removes the mystery or the anticipation or whatever the thing is between you and her.

 

Even when you're in love, show her your emotional side, but only limited amounts of it. You need ot maintain a balance.

 

And, don't judge her, by what she says, but by what she does, same for you, show her by action and not by words.

 

But again, don't over do it, when you do too many of anything, it would lose its appeal. surprise her once in a while, not every week or so ..it just gets boring.

 

Aight.

 

Take Care.

 

R.L.

[bleeder]

Well said peeps.

 

To add on, although most girls do like a sense of mystery, it does help if guys can reassure them that they are being serious too. You need not get down on your knees with arms flailing and a rose between teeth to prove that point. To be constant, is the key.

 

In some ways, absense really does make the heart grow fonder. So do ensure that you give her space as well as time to miss you. Smothering her all the time is not the way to go.

 

My 2 pence. Cheers all.

 

\

Bleeder

[Francis]

I am surprised with your findings by empirical experience. I don't think all these elaborate games would work with me : I hate mystery and I love transparency and people who have the courage to express their feelings.

 

There is even a guy at work who is playing some kind of weird game, trying to be mysterious I think. I find him quite confusing and I am not interested in his drama.

 

However, it might very well work with other women, if that is your conclusion! I then hope it works for you! Take care!

[Double J]

Francis,

 

That's understandable. You're in your early 30's - a time in your life when you probably want to (or have) settled down with someone - most likely a nice and established man. But when girls are in their early teens to early 20's, they really don't know what they want, and it seems like once a guy has declared his feelings, the girl usually feels like has nothing to work for. It's not a challenge. Many girls at this age don't want to settle down yet, so the thrill of the chase and those little games appeal to them (not all, but many). It's very difficult to find a girl this age that is open to a long term relationship and would very gladly accept a guy with open arms who professes what he feels for her.

[Francis]

You might be right, but I don't think I ever liked "mysterious" guys. I have always liked transparency and sincerity, but that's only me.

[tea]

Double J wrote:

Showing confidence and going for what you want is what attracts girls, not trying to flatter her by expressing your feelings.

 

I have to agree with that one. I also agree with not telling us "I love you" too early because it takes away ALL of the mystery.

 

However, I never go for a guy whom I don't have an idea whether he likes me or not. Those I just pass off as "guys who have no interest in me so why waste my time" guys.

 

I think the important thing is to find the prefect balance where you let the girl realize that you probably have a strong interest in her, but never let the words out of your mouth. Girls are like that. ...not all girls... Well, I'm like that. Even if I know perfectly well that a guy has interest in me, I wouldn't believe it completely until he actually tells me.

[skyteph]

Girls love mystery. They love to ponder whether or not a guy likes them. It's much more effective to convey that you like a girl through subtle touching, eye contact, and other signs than by giving an "I like you" speech.

 

Some of us go mental pondering

 

Especcially when signs are ones that seem like flirting but could be general behaviour. Sometimes it would be better if signs were straight out or more obvious, without blurting out "I like you", because that can be scary

[Kitz]

Girls love mystery. They love to ponder whether or not a guy likes them. It's much more effective to convey that you like a girl through subtle touching, eye contact, and other signs than by giving an "I like you" speech.

 

Some of us go mental pondering

 

Especcially when signs are ones that seem like flirting but could be general behaviour. Sometimes it would be better if signs were straight out or more obvious, without blurting out "I like you", because that can be scary

 

I'll say! I go friggin' mental pondering too

[bettyboop401]

Mental ponderer as well!!

 

But I'm in my early 20's and at this point in time, if I found the right guy I'd be happy to settle down. Having children is a different matter though. If it just happens...great. But I believe you get married to be together...so a little time between just the two of us is great too.

 

But confidence can be the most un-attractive thing, or the most attractive thing...depends on how the person carries it.

 

Betty!

[Derek]

I think I've learned that if a guy shares his feelings too early or too much then he's perceived as being weak by some people.

 

So what one person may consider open and honest, another person might consider as a weakness and too vulnerable.

 

I thought I was just being open and honest and direct and I didn't think I was being weak at all, rather strong and smart enough to know myself, but that doesn't seem to be appreciated by some people, especially those in their 20s.

 

Seems like it is more valued once they get to their 30s.

 

 

[Ceema-k]

I strongly agree with the advice offered earlier in this thread.

 

They sound like rules and that's exactly what they are: rules of thumb. Exceptions abound, of course. And we're talking about older, more experienced daters, i think all this remaining a mystery stuff has less of an effect. They are more knowledgeable, perhaps more jaded, and too much "game-playing" will just coming accross as just plain played out.

 

Who can really admit that they enjoy something more when it's handed to them on a silver platter, as opposed to earning their reward?

 

I favour guys keeping their lips sealed, their emotions in check and their cards held closely to their chest. I feel that it allows guys to get on with their dating without shooting themselves in the foot unnecessarily. It also provides some defense for us guys, tip-toeing slowing into the courtship ritual and not jumping in head first without looking. Woman have their own ways of acting to protect themselves too, so it's just bit of give & take.

 

Of course like anything else, being a challenge and a mystery to women can be abused or mishandled. I would hazard that most men who do this do NOT have the intention of confusing the object of their affection. They're just being careful and do not want to blow their chances... because they really like her!! Now, how bad can that really be?

[Double J]

Who can really admit that they enjoy something more when it's handed to them on a silver platter, as opposed to earning their reward?

 

Exactly. That's like someone handing you a trophy when you've done nothing to earn it. It has no value. We always perceive something to have more value when we have to work harder to get it. It's a challenge.

 

Resisting from verbally telling a girl you like her has many advantages. For one, if she never comes around to offer more than a friendship, at least you're conscious of the fact that you didn't directly tell her, so your self-esteem is more in check.

 

Also, a guy should ALWAYS wait for the girl to say "I like you," and then proceed to tell her he feels the same. If you tell the girl and she can't reciprocate what you feel, it makes her feel awkward and it could even tarnish your friendship.

[WH06]

hrmm....i see what your getting at, but it kind of doesn't matter if she asks you if you like her, then you don't want to lie, cause if you do like her then that would send her the wrong message, and it would all be so pointless...so even though some girls like the mysterious guy, doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell her if you want anything to start up, cause by then it could be to late...

[GettingOverIt]

I can vouch for what Double J is saying... I once told someone WAY too early how much I cared for them. Now, I am a shy guy, so it was a huge step for me, and I thought that being direct (sorta) about it was the way to go.

 

I spent a lot of time 'proving' my feelings, and when everything began falling apart, I spent a lot of time 'proving' that I wasn't lying about the things I said and how I felt... It could have been (and for intents and purposes should have been) a flat disaster.

 

I spent a lot of time rebuilding trust and building a friendship, which is now one of the strongest either of us has ever had.

 

If you are going the direct route, be prepared for whatever happens. Know that if go direct, and she says 'whoa, slow down,' be sure you do just that! If you force it, you may get burned or you may burn her/him.....

 

And, definitely watch the SMOTHERING thing! If you get lucky, the other person will tell you they are feeling smothered - if they do, LISTEN! If they don't, then you have to gauge it yourself, which is very hard.... A good rule of thumb - not every day. Skip a day or two where you don't see each other or where you maybe only send an occasionAL email (like 1 or 2 tops). Keep it light, even if it drives you crazy to do so! ;-)