Something to keep me motivated

[zentoCC]

I'm so tired I was debating whether I should go out or not tonight after karate. I'm thinking not now. Especially since I have an exam in two weeks and have hardly revised at all! Need to get my butt in gear.

[zentoCC]

I found out yesterday that my Nan has skin cancer, apparently it's nothing to worry about. She has a small tumour behind her eye and it hasn't spread. She has to go to hospital to have removed shell be in and out the same day and she doesn't need any further treatment.

 

Last time I visited her she told me she doesn't want to be around after a few years. On the one hand I can't blame her she can barely look after herself if my uncle didn't live with her she'd be in a home. He wants to buy her house off of her so he won't have to move out when she's gone but my Nan doesn't want my Mum to go without her inheritance my my uncles trying to persuade everyone that the house is worth less than it actually is. He also bullies her and disrespects her it's horrible to watch. My Mum holds a lot of resentment towards my Nan because apparently my Nan showed a lot of favouritism towards my uncle when they were kids. So my Mum does the bare minimum to help, I guess I can understand that I really dislike my Mum sometimes too, I've probably got that attitude from her.

 

Anyway in the other hand she's my Nan and I don't want her to go. I'm visiting her this weekend (I would be anyway), I'm not looking as forward to it now though. I was thinking a while back when my Nan passes I may visit another elderly person there's a charity that sets it up.

 

Both my Granddads died of cancer before I was born, well one from emphysema. Both were very heavy smokers.

 

Wow that's a depressing post, sorry everyone I'll try and write a happy one after some sleep.

[Silverbirch]

I hope your Nan is okay CC.

[zentoCC]

Thanks Silver. My Mum says she's not to bothered by it, I'm visiting her this weekend I may bring some ice cream.

 

I had a productive day at work today got some things done that sometimes take forever. Then I left work early to go the dentist to find it's actually tomorrow. On the way home I nearly crashed because my stupid shoes suddenly won't stay on my feet properly and they slipped when I was about to break. Picked up some stuff I forgot, got to the gym and found I'd still forgot some stuff then found my lock had changed it combination somehow! I stood at my locker wondering if I should just go home, but I didn't and by the end of my work out I was happier.

 

I also checked that my tuition ending before my exam won't affect anything (it won't), withdrew money I owe my Mum, bought some nuts, seeds, dried fruit and a bit of chocolate to make some trail mix to replace my graze box, I'm hoping it will be cheaper. I only bought the nuts I love. Almonds and brazil buts aren't my favourite but I may buy some and add just a couple later on. It came to £14 which is just under what I pay for my graze but hopefully this will last longer. I also bought a new lock.

I've made an appointment to see a fitness instructor in a few weeks they were booked up this week and I'm about to pay the rest of my deposit.

 

Phew!

[zentoCC]

Well my computer now doesn't freeze but the wireless has now failed completely. The trouble shooter says nothing wrong and the intel wireless tools says "hardware not connected to transport driver". I have emailed ASUS and am now sat under the modem between 2 doors and my back is killing me. I now officially hate this laptop.

[Silverbirch]

Hey CC, I have to drive a lot - about an hour each way to work and then back every day on some winding road. I ALWAYS drive without shoes on. It's dangerous to drive wearing shoes. I know men do, but maybe their shoes are more practical.

[zentoCC]

In the UK most people think it's illegal to drive without shoes. It's technically not but if it's found to affect your driving you can still be done for it. It most definitely frowned upon.

[zentoCC]

My dentist told me my teeth were "jolly good". I ask him if I had a wisdom tooth coming though and he spent 5 minutes telling me not to worry because the the tops rarely hurt. Why when I'm curious about things do people always assume I'm scared?

 

I went swimming after the dentist, it's supposed to better for your back and I could go in the hydrotherapy pool.

 

I'm taking my laptop to curries the day all ASUS said was restore it (which I can't because the restore got corrupted) or send it off to them for several weeks. So I'm going to risk paying curries instead.

 

I also realised that I've been revising a while for my next exam because its basically an exam on my job. Not that I'm going to stop my other revision but it's comforting to realise why I found those assignments so easy.

 

Anyway off to the gym.

[zentoCC]

Mum Camembert cheese and bread for lunch I also bought ice cream and a lemon tart. No wonder I can't lose weight, haha.

 

They said my laptop would have to be sent away so I am waiting until after my exam to fix it. I bought an external hard drive to back up my computer in the mean time.

[Seraphim]

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother.

 

I think your mother will be wrong when she says she doesn't care. I had a really big unspoken fallout with my grandfather when I was a teenager. And we were never close after that and my grandfather passed away in January of this year. I found it hurt me very much actually. Even a couple weeks ago I opened the box of his things that were given to me and I burst out crying. And that is my grand father. Your mother will be much more hurt because that is her mother.

[zentoCC]

Oh no sorry, I meant my Mum said my Nan didn't care about the cancer not my Mum didn't care. Sorry for the confusion. I'm not sure how we'll feel about my Nan going. I visited her today and she's not in the best of health and it's so horrible how my uncle treats her. He ruffles her hair and says how she can't do things. She recently has stopped being able to wash herself, so either my Mum or a carer does and he was saying we should put her in the stocks and hose her down. It just unbelievably disrespectful and he gets away with it because otherwise she'd go into a home and she doesn't want to (understandably) and he doesn't want to lose his inheritance.

[Seraphim]

I think it totally depends on the type of cancer. My mother-in-law has had cancer twice she still alive. Maybe it would be better if your grandmother to go to a senior's home? My grandfather really really enjoyed his. He had a fabulous time there. Mind you he paid quite a bit for it and it was a private senior's home. In his home they had libraries , pools they had people come in to do exercise with them, had an artist just come in and do lessons with them. They had trips out into the community. They had housekeeping. He was very happy there. But his entire pension went to paying for that he had nothing left over.

[zentoCC]

To be honest I think it would be best for her if she kicked my uncle out and got carers to cook and clean for her. She can't stand up for long but she can make herself a sandwich and drinks and thing just not tea because it takes long and she'd probably take to long getting back to the kitchen and burn it, plus her hands are to shakey to cut up vegetables and things.

I doubt she'd ever do that though because my uncle, who works illegally and claims to be retired at 52, would probably be made homeless. My Nan pays for everything so he only has to work a couple hours for his friends to make some spending money. My Nan used to think so much of him he was her pride and joy, her first born and now he's come out of prison and made her life a misery.

[zentoCC]

Just some small things to help me with all the fear and negativity I've been feeling:

 

I do interval running on the treadmill 1 run one fast jog. When I first started I honestly though I was going to die by the end, well I've been working hard the past few months and whilst it's not easy I can do it without want collapse at the end and yestday I actually upped it to running 1:30 and walking 1:00. Which might not seem like much is such a huge thing for me and definetly I should be proud of.

 

I've started revising, certainly gives me more confidence.

 

My pepper plants have gotten better! I thought they were going to die but moving them to a different part of the garden seems to have restored them.

 

I've started yoga, always nice to have a new hobby.

 

And finally I had sushi for lunch. Yum!

[zentoCC]

Listening to upbeat music on the radio including Wham!

And finally getting the monster I'd been trying to breed for months in Tiny Monsters.

[Silverbirch]

Hi CC. Hope you are feeling a bit better today!

[zentoCC]

Still feeling a bit down but I think it's more over whelmed than anything. I've started my job and that's not to bad. I'll talk about it more later. I also had my grading for karate, I passed and am now a green belt.

 

I went to play a hobbit monopoly with my friends today that really helped cheer me up especially as it was better than I was expecting (I've been a bit annoyed / jealous of my friend lately). I also realised when I got into my car to go home that I didn't even glance over at my exes house on the way there, I was so happy with myself that I took a different route home not to spoil it.

 

I think at this point I just need to do my exam, move out and for everything to stabilise again. Plus I need to spend more time with my friends, I'm not sure if I'll go out tomorrow night but I may ask my friend at work if she wants to go for a walk at lunch (though I should be revising during that time).

 

Hope your doing ok Silver.

[zentoCC]

Uh oh, I think I'm getting a cold.

[Silverbirch]

Hi CC. Well take care of yourself. I'm doing okay but very busy. I've been offered more hours at work this fortnight, but I'm maxed right up to the legal limit. So busy with ponies. My dog is growling at the smoke alarm as the battery is going flat and it is beeping. I'll have too climb up on a chair and disconnect it until the morning when I can get more batteries or we will never sleep. I'm sure he thinks it's a mouse or something. Well, good to have a protector from the big bad mice!

[zentoCC]

Haha you make me want a pet so bad. I'm allowed a small animal when I move out so I may get a fish.

 

I've got a full blown cold now, I told off for going to karate. A bit of excercise helps though since I get head colds, my chest is fine.

[Silverbirch]

Well at least keep warm CC!

[zentoCC]

Haha I am, I've been wearing my favourite hoodie and we've got the heating on in the office, it's lovely and toasty.

 

 

In other news ages ago I told the guy I like I'd give him a lift to the copper mines a group of us are going to. He just sent me the most polite message asking if he could still get a lift. How cute.

[Seraphim]

I hope your cold feels better. We have had fish for years. A good hearty fish to get is a Betta. They are usually pretty healthy and live a good long while. I found goldfish to be pretty hard to keep. I have found other fish to be quite easy too but many need a heated tank and that gets more expensive.

 

But Bettas all they need is a nice size bowl, change their water every couple weeks and their food and they're good to go. Also to add some interesting foliage to their bowl. They have lots of the fake foliage in pet stores. Betta like to rest on foliage when they sleep.

[zentoCC]

Thanks Vic, I just looked them up on google images them and they look really pretty. Do they need a big tank? I'm limited on room.

[Seraphim]

No not at all they only need a small tank. But you can only have one because they will fight to the death. They're very aggressive fish and sometimes the male will even kill females. So if you have multiple betas they have to have separate tanks each. I used to have four of them. The males are more beautiful and have the big tales. I will show you a picture of my guy when I get home.