zentoCC Posted August 2, 2013 Author Share Posted August 2, 2013 Had a good work out apparently I was so intense it caused me to bleed, I know it's not my period because it never is. o_O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 2, 2013 Author Share Posted August 2, 2013 So I met up with him, got the usual signs of nervousness I usually get, sore stomach and needing to pee a lot. When I broke up with my ex I lost 1/2 a stone as my digestive system went screwy, sadly I now have to watch what I eat again. Anyway back on topic, I was 5 minutes early he was 10 minutes late, it didn't really bother me, I expected it, I bought a hot chocolate and read my book. It was freezing in there which probably made me less interested. The conversation was a bit awkward but that was expected, I didn't mind the silences as much as I used to. Speaking to him made me realise all the little things that used to... I'm not sure how to put this, they didn't exactly annoy me but you know those roll your eyes moments, yeah them, I had to stop myself a few times. There certainly was no attraction there, to be honest it was always more of an emotional attraction than a sexual one. The few people I've liked sexually I've never really wanted to date. He said he was tired and wanted to go after an hour and a half, we didn't even really say good bye just kind of walked off, which I was kind of glad for I was worried he might want to go in for a hug, and the thought of him touching me doesn't really appeal. So in summary awkward but not catastrophic, I think it's helped me get over him a bit more now I've got my confidence back, I don't feel inferior to him or like I should do as he says. Seeing him just reinforced that and realising I'm not attracted to him anymore helped too. He text me asking how it went but I don't feel like talking to him so I'll answer it when I can be bothered. Bleeding stopped. Looking forward to a walk tomorrow may do a page in my art journal, I really want to journal that quote silverbirch put in her journal. I've been thinking of get a few quotes I like a turning them into a sort of poem as a tattoo idea. Need the time though. Which reminds me I wanted to make a to do list for this weekend, I really need to revise, I have not motivation for it at the moment, any tips would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 Well isn't life just grand. I bumped my car on the way to the walk yesterday, just into a wall not another car luckily but there's scratches down the back and I've only had it a month. And you know I thought I missed a credit card payment last month well I did this month. Seriously in a bad mood and I know it's all my own fault. My revisions not going very well either their is only one practise text and that's how I revise I practise. I find it really hard to just sit a reread stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 Sent some messages to people looking for flat shares on this website, hopefully cheer me up a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 So didn't bother going the gym this weekend, but the good news is that I'm revising. .... Whilst watching Top Gear. It's imputting data into a computer just need to remember where to put that data so I'm letting myself get away with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Didn't sleep well last night. Tired and grumpy...and slightly nauseous. My patronus would be a dolphin apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 So my ex hasn't replied in over 24 hours... Delete. Maybe a bit premature but it will stop me texting him again. As soon as I deleted them I felt the urge to text him but knew I couldn't, normally I would have told him how much his communication skills annoy me but not this time. My colleagues have cheered me up a bit. The stress if everything is starting to get to me, another reason to not bother pursuing stuff with my ex. I love writing here, but it does mean I don't write in my diary as much which I miss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Never thought I'd be relieved to get to the point of being on hold with the bank. Why is it so hard to speak to someone!?!?! In other news my manger for a job a work on 1 day a week on is really annoying me, he asking me to set up procedure I have no idea about and he's refusing to give me any help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Yay! It shouldn't affect my credit rating. Also my back really hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 My back really hurt this morning but it feels much better now. My job has been announced officially as well. My boobs have been feeling tender lately, a side affect of coming off of birth control? The shower keeps leaking water and my Dad keeps having ago at me for it. I'm not showering any differently from a month ago, and every year the shower starts to leak water.I wish he wouldn't take it out on me. I have a viewing on Thursday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 My ex still hasn't answered my text, I feel lots of different things about it; relieved he's no longer contacting me; annoyed because he always just drops things with no warning; sad because as sad as it is I missed getting texts; and lonely because every time I'm reminded of being in a relationship. I told someone today I have no interest in getting a boyfriend and it's true for the most part I'm not interested (doesn't mean I can't like people though but I do miss the cuddling and the pecks on the cheeks. I'm not sure if I miss the sex, I feel I'm supposed to but since it wasn't that good really and for me it was a lot about the connection. I know how to get myself off and do frequently. I am not always sure if I every really wanted sex that bad or if culture just made me think I should and would want it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 I swear if one more thing goes wrong today I am going to cry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 So today was really bad I had to work though my lunch because of all the work I missed. I now have a Ford focus until Friday, it's huge I don't like driving it at all. At least it's just for a few days, hopefully I won't crash into anything, but my luck has been pretty poor lately. I had to go to the toliets to compose myself in the afternoon. I still can't believe I let my ex treat me like this, a part of me wants him to next me so I can ignore it, sad I know. Karate was good though there was only three of us so we got time to mix it up a bit and I learnt some new kicks. I told him about my back so he let me take it easy especially towards the end. I was considering skipping karate what with my back and everything but it was one of the things that got me through my break up, so I knew it would cheer me up. And I do feel much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 8, 2013 Author Share Posted August 8, 2013 I'm feeling a bit over emotional and tearful, I could do with a hug. The viewing was cancelled, I'm a bit disappointed but the chance of me finding somewhere on my first try was slim. I skipped the gym no way am I driving there in the focus I can barely navigate the car park in the i10. I ate loads as well. I'm getting nervous about my new job, well that I'll still have to work for T, I guess one of the reasons I dislike him is that he has the same name as my ex. I hated seeing his name. My colleague said she was worried I hadn't been talking as much, I guess everything's been getting to me, I feel like running away from it all but that would just make things worse. I'm so tired, I didn't even study tonight. I can feel like the waters rising and it's only a matter of time before the dam bursts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 It's Friday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 It's funny the random things that can make you sad. Sigh....I better go the gym. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 I actually managed to have a really productive day. I now have a really tidy room as well. I made basil baguettes. My mum actually agreed with me today that I was making the right desision about my life. This is the woman who spent a year and a half trying to talk me out of university and when I decided not to go (uninfluenced by her) then tried to convince me to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 My elbow hurts... The perils of being single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 11, 2013 Author Share Posted August 11, 2013 Felt lonely so I messages my friend a bit, feel a bit bett now. Had a fairly lazing day, went out for ice cream and exchanged some games nearly finished Uncharted 2 now. Still check my phone for texts from the ex normally I'd have given up by now guess I've just been feeling lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 My back is killing me, I really wanted to go to karate as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Back is still sore, I went for a walk yesterday and even that hurt, but resting it doesn't seem to do much good either. If this goes on much longer I'm actually going to have to go to the doctors. I haven't been for 4 years and that was about my back... and my toe, I kept walking into things and my toe nails started to get infected because of it. I think I've damaged them permanently as now they always start to ingrow if I don't use the cream. I'm near completion on a few minor projects. I want to finish the little ones so I can start a big one, haven't really decided what yet also I'm not sure if I should leave it until October since then I'll have finished my exams. Hmm have to have a think. The guy who interviewed me told the director I did really well and he was impressed. He's a really nice guy but I find it hard to talk to him for some reason, though I find it hard to talk to a lot of people. I'm getting better than I used to, I'm even being able to join in group convosations with people I don't know to well a year ago I would have sat in silence. My ex always thought it really odd because when we were alone I wouldn't shut up. I've gotten a lot better since I broke up with him, I've forced myself out of my comfort zone and I feel so much better about socialising. Sorry about any spelling mistakes I'm clearing the laptop for my sister and I think I've deleted spell check...oops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 I can't help but think my friend is making a massive mistake, but all I can do is support her I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 I can't get this guy out my head, I'm really starting to like him and I think he might like me but I can never tell. If this goes on much longer I'm going to have to start a thread about it. Wonder if I'll see him tonight... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 I think I like this guy too much especially since nothing of any sort has happened. He waved to another girl and I just felt a pang of jealousy doesn't help that she's prettier, bubblier and older than me. I really shouldn't care this much. This is why I've only has one relationship and that was with a guy I knew liked me a lot. I don't know of anyone else who likes me unfortunately. I like being single but I hate the what if with guys. In other news I finished my jigsaw but have lost three pieces. No plans for the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 My back is feeling a bit better after karate, I may go pick up my swimming stuff at lunch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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