zentoCC Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 It's still the same injury from June. It's healing slowly. I'm not allowed to do karate. I think it's a pulled muscle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 Just come out of my interview. Something he said at the end makes me think I won't get it. I guess I'll just have to wait and see Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 The only people who know I'm single are my housemates.I've been very slowly telling people. Because next to actually breaking up with someone it's the hardest part, the pity they look at you with. You never want to look upset so you make a stupid comment then it gets awkward and you wished you never told them. I'm actually feeling ok about the break up itself, sad but I think I accepted it before it happened. I know I tried to make it work but ultimately it couldn't. I still feel guilty but I'm staying away. My housemate broke up with her boyfriend yesterday, she's gone to stay with her parents. I think I'm going to be writing here far more often now I haven't got anyone to tell the little things. Not that I really told him towards the end, not interested or assumed it was about him. I don't really feel excited about meeting anyone new, more nervous. No need to rush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 Had to give in and wear my fat pants today. T contacted me, just about some tickets I bought. I hate what I've done to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 So sorry CC. Well you did try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 Yeah but was trying the right thing to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Yes, I think it probably was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 From my perspective it was and I don't regret it, but I think at the moment he wishes I never tried. Maybe that will change who knows. P.S I got a new job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 I just read a book that was supposed to make me cry (The fault in our stars), I didn't. Does that make me heartless? I want to ask Jackie so many questions but I can't seem to phrase them right. Ahh well, reading the advise she's given other people is helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Congratulations CC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 Thanks Silver. I've been slowly telling people about my new job, then my break up because it normally comes up. It got noticed that I wasn't very sad about it. I think I'm moving on quickly, I've had a lot of distractions and I truly have given up. T's just contacted me again asking for the episode of Big Bang Theory we were on, really I'm sure he could have guessed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 You know you need to lose weight when the button pops off your fat pants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 I feel more moved one than I feel I should after a week. I still think about T but not loads and not with that much emotion. Sometimes I wonder if it's just going to suddenly hit me or if it's because I've genuinely moved on. I really feel free, I'm considering going back to Japan in April. I felt really safe there and there is plenty of time to visit other countries. I would love to go back to. kyoto and explore more and go see more Buddhist temples. I do feel a bit lonely being single, but I think I'm going to stick with it for a while, it's not like I meet guys very often anyway so it's not going to be hard to stay single. Hopefully I'll finally have enough time to do my scrapbook. Friday today, I'm going to see Gone Girl tonight, after dinner with my parents. Looking forward to it. Then tomorrow hopefully I'm going to start at the gym! If I can find proof I'm a student.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 You are doing great CC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 Thanks Silver, your encouragement always makes me smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 Not sure if I'm being productive or not today. I'm procrastinating about going to the gym. Everything's packed I just need to get off my bum. I ordered my photos from Japan today. I split them to use the offers various retailers offer. I also found the bag I used on my way back from Japan... Still packed. Found my diaries, my pens and some sweets. I've lost loads of things the last few days, so when I get back from the gym I'm going to study for an hour then sort through my room. Had a few lonely moments yesterday, I still haven't found that feeling of belonging yet, I feel like I'm on the edge of many different groups. I'm seeing two of my best friends next weeks and one the week after. I need that, I might try and organise a Skype session as well. I need to feel happy with what I've got, but I also need to push myself and improve. I might try selling some of my things, that I don't really need. I. Not expecting to get much money but Im not desperate for it so it will just help me spring clean my life a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 12, 2014 Author Share Posted October 12, 2014 I didn't go the gym today. I did yesterday though. I ended up not having the time before it closed so I went for an hour walk by the canal. I was in a sad mood while I was on the walk, I kept thinking how I'd lost one of my closest friends in T, which is obviously contributing to my loneliness. I was cheered up when I saw a cat that let me stroke it. I realised that when I buy my own place (which I hope to within a year with this new job), I can get a cat! I hung out with my housemate again today. Since I live with him, I see him a lot. He confuses me sometimes, I'm not attracted to him but he treats me like T did which obviously reminds me of him. He's noticed how I flinch when he comes to near me, I didn't realise until he pointed it out. He lives a life that is really not compatible with mine and has different values. He is quite fun to hang out with though. Two of my housemates were telling me to go out and casual sex, I told them I wasn't into that and they looked at me weirdly. I don't really care that we have different values but I wish they didn't try force there's on me. I just ignored them, I know what will make me happy and that's not it. I'm glad this weekend is over. I'll be in Prague this time next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 I've been the gym the last two days. my eating hasn't been so healthy but I go the gym so I can eat extra snacks so I'm not too bothered. I can't wait to move into my new job, it feels like my colleague is baiting me. She kept going on about this course dinner she was going on, I'm supposed to go on them but I wasn't invited this year. They didn't bother actually saying it to my face though, I think they were hoping I'd bring it up but I didn't really want to go so I didn't bother. She's being quite passive aggressive about things. I'm just ignoring it as I'll hopefully have left next month and it will be someone else's problem. The team I work in is split into two, they take care of different parts on the business, but over the year I've been there I've noticed it's more than that. I've been pushed on the other side of the business too. I don't deal with their work but I spend my time there because it's unbearable in my office. I realise that the above might not make great sense but it was more something that I needed to get off my chest because it's been building for so long. I'm seeing one of my best friends Thursday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 15, 2014 Author Share Posted October 15, 2014 I had a bit of a revelation today. I'm ashamed of myself, I actually don't think people would like the real me so I hide behind this confident facade, I've gotten so good at it sometimes I think it's actually me. I only have three friends that really know me. I've been friends with a girl for over a year and I'm still not 100% myself around her. I've also been a member of my social group for nearly two years and have not made a single friend there. I see everyone break off into groups and meet up outside of normal group times, nope not me. I'm not sure how to get past it, I'm guessing it's related to my low self esteem and the fact I was bullied at high school. I had a bit of dumpers regret today, quickly got past it. I was reading a journal on here and thought some advise applied to me, then I considered the situation as a whole and realised it didn't. Sometimes I feel as if I need a break from here but it's actua quite soothing reading and writing here. It helps me miss T less as well. I'm really busy the rest of this week, I have been today. No idea when I'm going to pack. I've started to hate time to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 16, 2014 Author Share Posted October 16, 2014 Officially we broke up two weeks ago. One week NC today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Well done CC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 Feeling tired and frazzled. Throwing myself a pity party, anyone's invited Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 First day in Prague today. Some how managed to hurt my shoulder in my sleep. I'm in cocodamol(?) and ibrobupen gel, starting to feel bit better. I have a bit of movement in my neck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Oh how annoying. I have been told that Prague is really beautiful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 It was really sore day one but I kept moving and when I woke up yesterday it was mostly better I just had a bit of trouble turning my head. Today I'd say it's 95%. My Mum worried me saying it would take a week, thank goodness that didn't happen! Prague is very beautiful, I'll post more when I get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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