zentoCC Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 So I've been thinking a lot over the past few weeks about things I dislike about my life and how to change them. 1. I'm lonely - I have 3 friends and to live in different parts of the country. 2. I have limited freedom - my parents are very nice but I can't stay out all night or act irresponsible because they'll know and be disappointed in me, I'm also very limited when I can use the car. 3. I don't have enough free time - I have loads of things I want to do and not e nought time to commit to all of them. 4. I try to plan my life out but I'm not sure on where I'll be in 10 years. Answers: 1. Join some clubs and make new friends - I have joined a club but there was nobody my age there so I joined a second club but unfortunately I rarely can get transport or if I can I've already got plans. I will continue to try maybe find more suitable club? 2. Move out and get a car - I was hoping to move out this month but I get the feeling my friend is either reconsidering or can't be bothered, but I have now asked my Dad to help me get a car but the car I likes he thinks I should get, I will try and follow his judgement. 3. Focus on important thing and be more relaxed about hobbies - once I finish my AAT course I will have some more time and can hopefully pick up learning Japanese again as for my hobbie relax them a bit or stop spending so much time on this site! 4. Get over it! - life it to unpredictable to know where you'll be in 10 years focus on the now and today's goals and hopefully the rest will fall into place. P.s quite excited about the car, going to take a look at some on Sunday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 Thanks, I haven't actually been listening to music as much as I usually do, the wrong lyric at the wrong time can send me the wrong way. A safe song for me is Panic Station by Muse I listen to it on repeat when I walk to work, but if I listen to it all day at work I know I'd eventually hate it. I've been considering buying some new albums lately I have bought any since I was with my ex and most of the songs remind me of him. Luckily Panic Station doesn't because I hadn't really gotten into the album at the time. I find it hardest to listen to Maroon Five and Train as they are who I got into whilst in the relationship. Which is funny really since he played a lot of heavy rock around me, maybe it was my way of taking a break from it. So my weekend.... I saw my friend she has now told me she's putting off moving out until September at the earliest maybe not until next year, she told me this as if I had nothing to do with her plans. I really annoyed me and I'm really starting to regret saying I'll live with her. I probably won't move out until September anyway now because after I buy my car I want a few months to see how it affects my finances, also it'll give me chance to finish my studies and hopefully find a new job I've been considering moving to a major city I don't really like them normally, I hate London, but in this case I think it would be easier to meet people and transport is normally a lot better plus more jobs. That's just a thought at the moment though. I think I've settled on the Hyundai i10 it's a bit out of my budget but insurance should be cheaper and it seems to hold its value. I also actually finished my weekly to do list, it was nice that I didn't push myself to hard this week maybe I'm starting to be realistic about myself. I hope my car helps me get out and meet people I hate being this lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 24, 2013 Author Share Posted June 24, 2013 Test driving a car tonight. Means I miss karate though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 24, 2013 Author Share Posted June 24, 2013 I did actually get back in time for karate but only by 3 minutes so I though best to leave since I've got to go to work early tomorrow. I'm going to study for half an hour so I feel I've done something. I put a deposit on a car! There's a bit of damage to the interior roof but they said they could make it look better, now to look for insurance and hope there isn't an cancelation fee. The deposit is refundable so I figured it was worth it. There isn't a big second hand market for them but it is a good car so I'm thinking it will last me longer really I'm not fussed about bigger, stronger cars. I am terrified driving them! Even more so parking them! I feel this car will offer me some sort of freedom plus then I can leave it a few months finish my studying course and see how much my cars costing me a month and work out if I could move out. Maybe I'll even have a new job by then but I doubt it there's not many jobs in the sector though there maybe in the city but I don't mind waiting a bit I am happy where I am, I'm just also aware there's not much room for progression. So feeling quiet good at the moment I really have noticed progress with things make me happy stagnation really gets me down I guess it gives me time to dwell. Maybe when I have a more sorted life I can consider actively dating again, I feel I'm getting closer to being ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 I hate major cities. I'm tired and I have a massive headache. ...least my car insurance was lower than expected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 26, 2013 Author Share Posted June 26, 2013 I had my appraisal today. He marked me down because we missed the targets for one of out jobs, it was a target I neither knew about or had the knowledge to find. It really quite upset me but there was nothing I could do about it. Everyday I feel less and less like I belong there. But the people are so nice it makes me want to stay. I need to step up the job search so I can force myself to leave. On a brighter note if the car looks ok tomorrow it's mine! I hope the interior damage can be fixed I'm fed up of being disappointed by people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 27, 2013 Author Share Posted June 27, 2013 I got my car! They didn't fix the roof but they said they'd reupholster it next week when there's space in the garage. I got to drive it home, it's not as slow as I thought it would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 29, 2013 Author Share Posted June 29, 2013 I don't think I've every been so drunk as I was last night. My first proper hangover. Woo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 I may have forgotten to pay my credit card this month or paid it twice, I'm hoping for the latter because I'm quickly running out of money. In other news I'm back on dating sites, I'm fed up of being single I want to go out and have some fun with someone. Gyms are so expensive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Down day... Realised nothing's really changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 People are just so annoying sometimes... Well one person in particular is I'm starting to wonder if I should just give up on her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 People at work are making me think I don't remember Friday as well as I thought. I really wish I had a higher tolerance of alcohol or at least confidence in my memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 I've just realised I started this because of work but I've barely talked about it. I have been better, especially on the few days I've forgotten my phone. I think the main problem I'm having is that I'm not in the job I want and there's no way to get there within the company and for the most part I love the people there so I don't want to leave! I'm on my own Thursday, Friday I hate being on my own I find it really hard to concentrate, guess I just have to man up. I've got my next exam on the 20/08, I need to start revising once I finish the next module so I can book the exam for that as well. I haven't been doing much of it I've felt really unmotivated. I've never thought of myself being unhappy in my life I know people have it much worse than me. I guess I'm impatient I want to get to the next stage in my life, whatever that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 Thanks to all the eating I've been doing I've managed to gain over a quarter of a stone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 I keep trying to find excuses not to go out. I didn't get get to bed early last night, what if he's not there, what if he is there, what if nobody remembers me, or I find nobody to talk to and end up being my awkward self. I need more friends get over your self! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 I went out and I had a good time! I also made plans for Friday. It's making me excited about when I move out. It was so nice just to go out and have a laugh with people I so rarely get to do it. I was also nice that they didn't really as me much it was just general chit chat, I get fed up of telling my (abriviated) life story, and I'm rubbish at asking people about there's I just sometimes struggle for appropriate questions. The guy I like was there he kept looking at me, it made me feel happy which made me feel silly. My friend from work says he remembers how silly I was at the work outing, though he said I wasn't to bad when I saw him last night. Two jobs came up at work both internal the deadline for one has been extended and a few people have told me to go for it so I might as well go for both, if I'm suitable for them. I was also told I might be getting more responsiblities in on of my jobs. I have done hardly any work the last to days I hate being on my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 So I didn't go out on Friday. I didn't know how I was getting home and I have a fear of taxis so can't get in one on my own (can barely get in one with someone else). But I was brave enough to ask a girl from work if she wanted to get lunch after I got my hair done and she said yes. I ate a massive Mediterranean lasagne it was delicious! then we did a bit of shopping I got some lovely pale yellow trousers on sale. I nearly started crying last night because my dinner was late. I have no idea why I think it may have been my hormones. I'm loving the sun, it makes me so happy but a lot less productive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Bored I can't do most of my work until tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 I was really looking forward to going on a walk today, I was told it would take 20 mins to get there but it took 40 so I missed it, I'm really upset most of my social attempts keep failing and I'm starting to give up. I really could do with some support but people just want support from me instead either that or they just don't care. I don't why I even try anymore I'm just going to fail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 My (littlest) sister broke up with her boyfriend today, apparently he was becoming very needy and even threatened to commit suicide. She seems ok, I very proud of her standing up to that kind of pressure she's only 14. On a selfish note it's nice not to be the only single sister again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 Just realised I don't actually know what I need to do to move out! Need to some research, I'm only renting can't be to hard can it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 Going to visit a friend tonight haven't seen her since my birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 I just went shopping to help my sister find a bikini (we succeeded!) and I ended up buying two dresses, they were on sale how could I resist! I also went to get more ice cream (their is a farm nearby that makes the best ice cream) and I skidded a bit on the way on and the ABS light went on, luckily when I turned the engine off and on again it went back off but I'm going to keep an eye on it. I like how on and off again works for most things even cars! It was really hot today, but you won't find me complaining I don't want to risk jinxing it. I love this weather, it makes me appreciate a cool breeze. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 I went to the cinema to day I planned it so my ex would likely be off or working in the back and it worked, I didn't see him. Itwas worth the risk too I went to see Dispicable Me 2, it was the most I'd laughed in ages. My sister really enjoyed it too, we went Nando's before hand which was nice as well. I've got an interview for the secondment I applied for on the 29th. I had to push it back a bit since I'm in Edinburgh next week. I really hope I get it. It's more experience in the sort of area I want to get in to. I've been reading more of the journals on here lately, it's so nice to see how people have progressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 I've joined the gym. After owning a car for nearly 3 weeks I've already put on half a stone. o_O Just shows how important exercise is in keeping me healthy. I'm feeling quite lonely today despite sitting next to my colleague who I get along with really well. I've been going to bed late so I was going to skip going out to night but I may not now since I'm not seeing my actually friends until Sunday. I do like me single and getting to do my own things but I do wish I had someone to cuddle at night, other that my beanie buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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