How far does NC go?

[trisuk8]

Hi there

 

I know this might seem like a stupid question but exactly what does everyone define as no contact?

 

I broke up with my girlfriend nearly 3 months ago now after the initial few weeks we didnt really speak at all. Thing is she said she would like us to be friends back then and since then she has tried to call me a couple of times but I have never picked up because I don't feel ready to hear her voice again. Theres also been sporadic text messages. She even asked me if I wanted to come and see all the fireworks her and our mates were having the other week (she has the same group of friends at university as I do but I'm on a work placement away from uni this year). I really wanted to go but I knew I wasnt really ready to see her either. And when she txt me to say she rang I didnt really give her an explanation why I didnt pick up so I think she thinks Im avoiding her now (which I kinda am).

 

So its obvious that seeing each other and the telephone are contact but do you count things such as a letter or text message or especially MSN Messenger as contact (because I have her blocked at the moment). Im thinking MSN would be the easiest thing but Im still concerned it would bring old feelings back even though its just a text conversation.

 

What do you all think? Do you think any sort of contact is going to be bad i.e. MSN if I'm trying to get over her. I think even though I don't want to see her I still like to think she thinks about me which is why i still like to get txts from her.

 

Thanks for reading if you got this far!!

[San123]

I think if you know there is a good chance it will bring back old feelings if you talk to her, I wouldn't risk it yet... wait until you're sure you are over her in that way, otherwise you could just end up getting hurt all over again.

[Rysen]

I have to agree with San. For me MSN was just as bad as talking to her on the phone or in person. I had to take the extra step of actually deleting her off my list on top of blocking her. Every time I saw her online it was just far too tempting to talk to her, and every time I did, the feelings came back.

 

So, while you're still trying to move on it'd probably be best not to talk to her through any medium. I know how comforting it is to know that she's still thinking about you, believe me..I've definatley been there. But at the same time, the idea is to be over her, and get to the point where you won't care if she thinks about you or not. It's been 7 months for me, and I'm still not quite there...but I'm getting better every day, and I know that it's because we're no longer in contact of any kind. It prevents me from thinking about her, and the feelings.

 

I think when the time is right, MSN could definitely be a good way of reopening communication, but for now, I would focus on yourself and your healing. Good luck

 

Cheers,

Rysen

[bnybrain]

I also agree with the last two post. But, I think before you delete her you ought to call her and ask her to cease all phone calls and texts. Explain to her that you're not into being friends with ex's. I know I wouldn't be able to do it with an ex calling me. You need your head to be clear of any thoughts, any "what ifs." But deleting her from your mind, knowing that she has contacted you numerous times, is going to just cause uncertainty. To be sure you are over her, you have to let her know it is over. In order to move on, you really need to not even think of her as a friend, because the feelings are still strong and lingering. . . You'd have to be superman to be able to perform such neutrality. Good luck.

 

Hannah

[dontknowwhattodo]

Delete her from your MSN if you want to get over her. I had blocked my ex on MSN since the break up and today I broke the NC first time because of it. He responded to my message politely and that hurt. I overanalysed and was sad that I did message him. It was so hard to go against my temptation when I saw him online even though I had been doing well for the whole 3 months. So I decided to delete him today. My advice to you is to delete her and stop any kind of communication if you wanna heal.

[bnybrain]

Don'tknowhwhattodo. I'm sorry that you broke NC after 3 months! But don't let that discourage you and hey, don't even think about it. You're human. You're going to hit that three month threshold again, and this time you won't call him. Good luck.