Women approaching men.

[Klokwurk]

I completely agree.

[Klokwurk]

Yes I am. It's a vibe. You can't hide it. It's in the way you stand, the way you talk to others, the way you look at people. You know how some women just seem hard or sharp edged? There's an equally repellant guy version of that.

 

Yes, this is true as well.

[Batya33]

What drove you to intiate it? What usually drives a woman to approach a guy? I think that's jonny's concern.

 

Because I'm in general a friendly person and if I saw a guy who seemed interesting and there was a natural way to start a convo then why not?One time just to see what it was like I did a classic pick up thing to a guy I met at a singles beach resort. Worked like a charm - had a lovely evening talking and walking on the beach, shared a kiss and the next day he pursued my aloof roommate. I confessed to him after the kiss that my line "I think I've met you before" was just that (although as it turned out we had the same career and could have had friends in common).

[jonny15]

Having had a few drinks probably helps.

 

I'd rather not be approached by a woman who's had a few drinks.

 

That isn't appealing at all.

[CatchersRye]

I'd rather not be approached by a woman who's had a few drinks.

 

That isn't appealing at all.

 

Agreed, but it depends. Some can hold their alcohol better than others as with either gender. To me, the smell of alcohol is a turn off. I don't drink and while I have had some alcohol in the past (when I was younger, but of age) I generally avoid it for water or juice. Never been drunk, but have been a bit tipsy (according to my sister). It's just not appealing. So glad I'm out of college and go to parties that no longer revolve around the presence of alcohol.

 

Having said that, that's one reason I never went to bars or clubs to try and pick up women. That's not my scene and that's not where I am going to find (or be approached) by women I'd be more into.

 

So as Batya stated earlier, go to events, parties, gatherings where you are more comfortable. Like volunteering, I could talk about my affinity for helping people and no one worth my time would show up with a few drinks in them. Same with poetry nights, hiking groups, etc.

 

You need to go where you are more liking to find the kind of people you'd welcome being approached.

[Ms Darcy]

I think it is fine if you do or don't 'approach' but that seems relegated to strangers.

 

No matter what, I would rather hang out with friends/people in my social circle and evolve into dating from there.

[Blue Spiral]

Yes I am. It's a vibe. You can't hide it. It's in the way you stand, the way you talk to others, the way you look at people. You know how some women just seem hard or sharp edged? There's an equally repellant guy version of that.

 

I can't say I've ever encountered any hard or sharp-edged women. Some stuck-up/entitled ones, definitely, but...

 

My body-language projects nervousness and introversion, I'm sure, but not anything mean, as I'm not actually mean. I hold extremely negative views about men and women alike, but I treat everyone well/the same, and if anything, it comes off as aloofness or awkwardness. Only one person has ever accused me of being anything but nice. So I'm either hiding it very well, or it's not actually there.

[jonny15]

Agreed, but it depends. Some can hold their alcohol better than others as with either gender. To me, the smell of alcohol is a turn off. I don't drink and while I have had some alcohol in the past (when I was younger, but of age) I generally avoid it for water or juice. Never been drunk, but have been a bit tipsy (according to my sister). It's just not appealing. So glad I'm out of college and go to parties that no longer revolve around the presence of alcohol.

 

I don't like the smell either. So a woman drinking it is a turn off. And i've never been drunk either.

 

 

So as Batya stated earlier, go to events, parties, gatherings where you are more comfortable. Like volunteering, I could talk about my affinity for helping people and no one worth my time would show up with a few drinks in them. Same with poetry nights, hiking groups, etc.

 

You need to go where you are more liking to find the kind of people you'd welcome being approached.

 

 

I can't remember the last time I went to an "event". And i've never been to a party in my life.

[Batya33]

"I can't remember the last time I went to an "event". And i've never been to a party in my life."

 

Obviously you can avoid going to any parties, singles events, gatherings, etc. But then you have to accept the downside of severely limiting your social opportunities. I had to go way outside my comfort zone to find people to date/get involved with.

[jonny15]

"I can't remember the last time I went to an "event". And i've never been to a party in my life."

 

Obviously you can avoid going to any parties, singles events, gatherings, etc. But then you have to accept the downside of severely limiting your social opportunities. I had to go way outside my comfort zone to find people to date/get involved with.

 

I've never avoided going to a party in my life. I've just never been invited to one, or even knew where they were.

[Blue Spiral]

I've never avoided going to a party in my life. I've just never been invited to one, or even knew where they were.

 

Me either. The last time I was invited to a party was...a birthday party back in junior high, maybe?

 

It's amazing how some people take certain things for granted, isn't it?

[jonny15]

Me either. The last time I was invited to a party was...a birthday party back in junior high, maybe?

 

It's amazing how some people take certain things for granted, isn't it?

 

That is true.

 

People just assume that everyone does those things. Just like they assume everyone is dating and having sex.

 

And when I say parties, I don't think B day ones count. And i've only been to b day parties that were for people related to me.

 

I was never invited to anything by my so called friends.

[Batya33]

I've never avoided going to a party in my life. I've just never been invited to one, or even knew where they were.

 

How about going to a singles event.

[jonny15]

How about going to a singles event.

 

I've never been to one, nor would I know where they are.

 

I just couldn't imagine doing well in a place full of strangers looking to date.

 

I wouldn't know what to do or say.

[Batya33]

I've never been to one, nor would I know where they are.

 

I just couldn't imagine doing well in a place full of strangers looking to date.

 

I wouldn't know what to do or say.

 

You have your boundaries. My goal was marriage and family so I was willing to go way outside my comfort zone to reach that goal. You have to figure out how much you're willing to stretch.

[Kristenelaine]

One of my old FWBs was constantly on me to get a watch, and an expensive one at that. "If you really want to get a girlfriend, you need a really good watch." She knew that I didn't want to get a girlfriend, but she kept insisting that watches were some telltale sign that women use.

 

Sadly, she's probably correct.

 

This is a generalization. I have never once talked to a man because of his watch, or what he was wearing, or driving, or any of it. If I am going to approach a man is would most likely be because of the way he carries himself and if he's smiling. I have started many conversations with men who have just held the door open for me. Eye contact is huge. If I catch a mans eye and he looks down or away right away, I automatically assume he isnt interested.

[goodfoot]

This is a generalization. I have never once talked to a man because of his watch, or what he was wearing, or driving, or any of it. If I am going to approach a man is would most likely be because of the way he carries himself and if he's smiling. I have started many conversations with men who have just held the door open for me. Eye contact is huge. If I catch a mans eye and he looks down or away right away, I automatically assume he isnt interested.

Hardly anyone even wears watches anymore.

[Batya33]

This is a generalization. I have never once talked to a man because of his watch, or what he was wearing, or driving, or any of it. If I am going to approach a man is would most likely be because of the way he carries himself and if he's smiling. I have started many conversations with men who have just held the door open for me. Eye contact is huge. If I catch a mans eye and he looks down or away right away, I automatically assume he isnt interested.

 

That was exactly how I made my decisions and what sparked my interest. Couldn't have said it better.

[jonny15]

You have your boundaries. My goal was marriage and family so I was willing to go way outside my comfort zone to reach that goal. You have to figure out how much you're willing to stretch.

 

My goal is to find someone who likes me.

 

Nothing really grand.

[jonny15]

This is a generalization. I have never once talked to a man because of his watch, or what he was wearing, or driving, or any of it. If I am going to approach a man is would most likely be because of the way he carries himself and if he's smiling. I have started many conversations with men who have just held the door open for me. Eye contact is huge. If I catch a mans eye and he looks down or away right away, I automatically assume he isnt interested.

 

Some of us just aren't good with eye contact.

 

I try to avoid it.

[Batya33]

My goal is to find someone who likes me.

 

Nothing really grand.

 

I think you should get more specific with yourself so that you can then figure out what types of approaches would work best. Do you mean like you enough to go on a date with you? To have a conversation with you when you pass in the hallway at work? To date you and see if marriage is in the future? If I had just been looking for someone who liked me enough to date me once or twice I wouldn't have put in much effort.

[jonny15]

I think you should get more specific with yourself so that you can then figure out what types of approaches would work best. Do you mean like you enough to go on a date with you? To have a conversation with you when you pass in the hallway at work? To date you and see if marriage is in the future? If I had just been looking for someone who liked me enough to date me once or twice I wouldn't have put in much effort.

 

Do date and be physically intimate with.

 

Basically, a normal relashionship for someone my age.

 

The marriage and family stuff is something I am not currently even close to looking for.

 

I haven't even had a date yet, so I have no want for the marriage thing.

[Kristenelaine]

Some of us just aren't good with eye contact.

 

I try to avoid it.

 

Eye contact is always a tough one because you dont want the person to think you are a creep or just staring at them. And you definitely cant tell if the person wants you to approach them and talk just because you make eye contact. I find if a guy and I continue to make eye contact and there are grins involved, that its flirting and I should go talk to him. Usually its a "hey, how are you? My name is _____ . How's your day/Night going?"

[CatchersRye]

I haven't even had a date yet, so I have no want for the marriage thing.

 

No one should marry you without a period of dating and emotional growth between you two. I never set out to find someone to marry. I set out to find someone I could connect with emotionally. That made it easier for me to be physically close to them and then intimacy. Now's it's been well over a year and we are looking forward to a future together.

 

The older you get the more likely you are going to find people that want someone who has considered marriage as a possibility for a relationship. I know it sucks to ponder that and I say that as someone who is experiencing my first exclusive relationship. Heck, even before we were exclusive she was the only person that dated me after the first date. I'm 30 and in my first (and maybe only) relationship with a woman that can see a bright future with.

 

Here's a though to ponder, if you find someone that you connect to emotionally and trust. And the relationship lasts over a year, are you saying you can't see yourself talking about a future with them?

 

To be ready for a relationship (exclusive or not) you gotta be willing to go outside your comfort zone, even if that means doing it more often than you are. The only reason people like you and me never met someone that we connected with was we kept going to the same places and seeing the same people. I had to leave my hometown and be myself for awhile living in a whole new environment. Sometimes it just takes going down a different path and seeing what happens.

[jonny15]

Eye contact is always a tough one because you dont want the person to think you are a creep or just staring at them. And you definitely cant tell if the person wants you to approach them and talk just because you make eye contact. I find if a guy and I continue to make eye contact and there are grins involved, that its flirting and I should go talk to him. Usually its a "hey, how are you? My name is _____ . How's your day/Night going?"

 

I would smile without a doubt. Espically if i'm attracted to the girl. Tho it would be an uncontrolable smile.

 

I'd also blush real bad and want to run far away. HAHA