John John Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Wow, you guys are getting me really depressed with your opinions on relationships inevitably failing. I've only ever had one relationship - 5 years, after which my ex left because her feelings changed. I'm 4+ months into the BU, and 2 months+ into NC. My parents' 33rd anniversary is tomorrow night. My aunt and uncle are together 35 years. My grandparents married 62 years (granted, my grandfather is in a nursing home now, but my grandmother goes every day). I still believe I will eventually find the one that "sticks." What have I learned from the failure of this relationship? I learned that you should never allow yourself to get too comfortable. You have always put in the effort to make things special, even if only every once in a while. You can't just take your partner for granted - "oh, I'm tired, we can have sex tomorrow night," or "we'll just stay in tonight and watch tv, there's always next weekend." No matter how busy life gets (even with kids), you have to make the effort. That's the main lesson I've learned (at least, right now). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonnygrunter Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I totally agree. I'm seven months out of my first relationship of 7years. I did take her for granted and paid the price. I will never do that again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redswim30 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 From my Divorce (and that marriage) I learned: It's pointless to fight for a relationship that only one of you actually wants. You can't "make" your partner; agree with you, see your POV, do what you want them to, they must choose to. Don't be afraid to let go if you know deep down it's the right thing to do. Respect yourself enough to know when you are being mistreated. Don't ignore signs and don't let big issues go. They will only come back later as a bigger, badder, and often insurmountable problem. This was one mistake my EX made- and one of the reasons he ultimately lost me. Don't ever assume this person HAS to remain with you- It does not matter if you are married for 20 years, if you have have kids together, a mortgage, etc. - That person always has a choice to walk away. And so do you. You have to try every day. You have to want it every day. Don't assume they will always be there or that you don't need to try or that you can treat them any way you want and they will just "put up" with it forever cause they "have to". They don't have to. If you want them, treat them right. Appreciate them while you have them, it does not matter how much you say "I love you" when they are one foot out the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panicgirl86 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I've learnt from my previous relationship and past relationships to never expect anything, expectation is the route to all heartache and that everyone leaves eventually Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemondust Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Some things I learnt: Don't get involved with men who are still emotionally attached to another woman. Don't sleep with any guy too soon. Don't allow personal insecurites and fears from past relationships interfere with new relationships. Don't immediately trust someone, just because they seem to be a 'nice guy'. Nice guys can be a-holes in the right circumstances too. Don't always assume the worst. Don't ignore my own intuition/warning bells. Don't be too intense, just relax and take my time getting to know a guy. Always love myself, no matter who is or isn't in my life. Continue to strive towards my own goals/dreams. Keep believing in love, and finding the right man for me. Hold onto who I am, what makes me happy and know my own self-worth. Could add lots more, but those are the main things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kz91 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 That even the one person you thought would never hurt you, will hurt you the most. That promises mean nothing. Words mean nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherB Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 No matter how much someone else screws up, that doesn't make me better than them. Never get into a teacher or parental mode with a partner. Just because he loves me completely, and says so, doesn't mean he is able to do what it takes to be the right person for me. Sometimes no one is wrong. Sometimes two people are both right and good and it still can't work out. When a man stops caring about what I want, and can watch me cry, he doesn't really love me anymore. Even if he thinks he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live-N-Learn Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I learned a lot about myself. As painful as it all was, I needed to go through it. It has been helped to shape the person I am today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
konstantino Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 To stick up for yourself and know that you deserve better - that if you are truly an amazing and good hearted person you deserve the same, no LESS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
konstantino Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Zero71 I got the Find herself and needs space speech yesterday - Fiance and with her for 6 years =( and she cheated on me in the past Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zero71 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Zero71 I got the Find herself and needs space speech yesterday - Fiance and with her for 6 years =( and she cheated on me in the past If the situation was like mine then she most certainly cheated on you and is trying to decide whether to let you go because of her guilt or she going to keep on being selfish because she's a coward. If you haven't broken up with her yet I suggest pulling the trigger first and end your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zentoCC Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Mine was my first relationship so I guess I learnt pretty much everything I know. I would listen to my gut, for a long time I kept lowering my expectations of the relationship to a point where it was Maybe I'll just stay with him and maybe he'll change his mind in few years or I'll break up with him then. I stayed with him 4 months longer than I should. Never let a guy manipulate you into thinking you were wrong when you damn well you weren't. Never give a guy a second chance they just want sex. Don't waste your time wishing they actually want to speak to you, do something you like ands don't sit waiting next to the phone. Luckily I have learnt loads of good things as well, like how being in love is an amazing feeling, hopefully after some time I'll be able to trust again and open myself up to feeling it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I learned patience. I learned that people do not necessarily express their love in the same way, but it does not make it less valued. I learned what it felt like, for the first time, to be loved for exactly who I am. I learned that nothing feels better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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