Is this really viewed as playing games?

[Blue Spiral]

So you don't act like a man with women, therefore you tell all the women that it's okay to 'chase' men in order to preserve your own ego?

 

Men are supposed to court women. It's in your genetics.

 

Someone forgot to tell my genetics that, apparently.

 

It's now commonly-accepted that there's more than one way to act like a woman; I wish that people would accept that there's more than one way to act like a man.

[Cherry009]

i am never overly clingy and never needy, that is not my style at all. I am laid back and not at all high maintenance. I think i have just always met emotionally unavailable men in the past or guys with some kind of issue/emotional baggage from their past.

[Cherry1010]

How does one act like a man? Pee standing up?

 

 

 

Isn't that what women that don't want to chase are doing?

 

That is a double standard. But then again, men aren't suppose to have feelings.

 

 

I'm not down with men telling women on a forum to go chasing men if they like them. Double standard that.

[lostnscared]

i am never overly clingy and never needy, that is not my style at all. I am laid back and not at all high maintenance. I think i have just always met emotionally unavailable men in the past or guys with some kind of issue/emotional baggage from their past.

 

 

Then you are probably attracting unavailable men, or like you said men with emotional problems. That means that if you MET a man that was emotionally sound, and that was available and ready for commitment I'm sure that you be able to use the balanced approach more so than the passive approach. I think the issue here is the MEN you are attracting.

[lostnscared]

I'm not down with men telling women on a forum to go chasing men if they like them. Double standard that.

 

Well to be fair it's not just men that give this advice, other women do as well. TBH I think most people are going to do what feels natural to them. For some women that will be, being assertive and going after the guy they like and for other women(like me and you) it will be letting the man take the lead and taking it from there.

 

I don't think either way is wrong. They are just different approaches. The only time I ever tell a woman that she should let the man take the lead, is when it seems like she is overly clingy, desperate, or obviously chasing a guy that does not want her. But if a woman is assertive and the men she dates are okay with it then I don't think that she needs to change her approach or that something is wrong with the men she is dating because they don't believe in the chase.

 

Some people, especially in 2013, are not interested in traditional dating. And some men just don't want to chase, and if a woman tries to get them to chase they will stop dating her. Some men live for the chase and will not want a woman that makes it too easy for him. The key is attracting the right man that matches your preference, so if your a woman that likes to be chased then you have to be open to dating a man that likes the thrill of the chase. On the other hand if you are a woman that despises these types of traditional "games" and you would rather go after what you want without waiting for the man, then chances are a traditional man or a man that likes to chase women is not the right man for you.

[JNapier24]

I don't consider your situation to be one where the guy is chasing or being overwhelming. It depends how he says it, when, in what context. I don't think the guy in your scenario should chase the woman in question. He should continue to contact her and ask her out and see what happens.

 

Hmmm, I find it extremely hard to distinguish between a situation where a guy should try again or give up. I guess though if you believe that someone is worth it, then barring a flat-out declination to your face, you should always try again.

[Cherry1010]

Thank you for wording the situation so eloquently.

 

The way some people put their opinion accross sometimes is frustrating to me. There should be disclaimers with some people's 'advice'.

[jonny15]

I'm not down with men telling women on a forum to go chasing men if they like them. Double standard that.

 

What is wrong with it?

 

That and nobody should be doing any chasing.

[Fudgie]

I find it funny that some people assume "Oh, well I was too EAGER and that's why he lost interest."

 

More often than not, it's usually because of bigger reasons, like you were a giant bore, or he felt you weren't that attractive, or maybe he felt you were incompatible in some way.

 

I think some guys like to "chase" and some don't. If you play the passive role, I'm sure you'll get the ones who like to chase. If you are more assertive, you'll get the ones who prefer when a woman shows her interest too.

 

IMO, men who live for the "chase" don't make for good partners because once they "got it", they miss the chase and will go out and cheat. Just what I've seen.

 

I didn't ask my boyfriend out (in fact, I don't think I asked ANY of my previous boyfriends out) but I think that was because I tend to wait a long time. I don't think I really got anyone who "lived" for the chase, thank goodness.

[jonny15]

I don't see how anyone can enjoy the chase.

 

If someone isn't upfront about their like for me after I have let them know, then I am done with them.

 

There are several billion women on this planet, and i'm not gonna waste my time chasing someone that won't even commit to the idea of letting me know they like me.

 

That is simply game playing.

[Fudgie]

I don't see how anyone can enjoy the chase.

 

If someone isn't upfront about their like for me after I have let them know, then I am done with them.

 

There are several billion women on this planet, and i'm not gonna waste my time chasing someone that won't even commit to the idea of letting me know they like me.

 

That is simply game playing.

 

If I were a straight man, I would not chase. Hell no.

That being said, I don't think I'd go for someone really desperate/clingy, like calling me every hour and being obnoxious.

 

It's a balance.

 

I've seen a lot of guys lose interest though when the girl is clingy/desparate though, texting all the time, being insecure a LOT, things like that. That is a different story.

[jonny15]

If I were a straight man, I would not chase. Hell no.

That being said, I don't think I'd go for someone really desperate/clingy, like calling me every hour and being obnoxious.

 

It's a balance.

 

I've seen a lot of guys lose interest though when the girl is clingy/desparate though, texting all the time, being insecure a LOT, things like that. That is a different story.

 

Being clingy is obviously different. That isn't something someone needs to do. That's being annoying.

 

I don't know why any man would want to take part in a guessing game to see if someone likes them.

 

What happened to yes or no?

 

Is the chase something mostly loved by guys that get women easily, so they get bored with that and want some grand challenge?

[goodfoot]

I think balance is best as well. I think when you both are naturally comfortable with the pace of the relationship it has the best chance of working out. Instead, people try to put round pegs in square holes, trying to fit what they think the other person wants.

[Batya33]

Hmmm, I find it extremely hard to distinguish between a situation where a guy should try again or give up. I guess though if you believe that someone is worth it, then barring a flat-out declination to your face, you should always try again.

 

I think it's an individual situation - depends on so many different factors. When I asked out a man and he said no I didn't ask again. But there are lots of gray area situations.