HDC80 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Hey. So many of you know my backstory----but quickly... Dated a guy for 3 years....in the month prior to his breaking it off he took 'space' to not speak to me and figure out what he wanted. During that time I was facing CERVICAL CANCER and he still just couldnt be there for me (great guy huh?) immediately after his split, he got with another girl. They then moved in shortly after.....and then she got pregnant (she is due end of next week) After his month of space we broke up.....I had already started to move on, and live out everyting that came my way because my future was uncertain. In the meantime...I still had to fight this guy for money he owed me from trips that I had Emails to prove he said he would pay (yes I did this to be sure as he was flaky and I would have taken him to small claims if I had to) He finally paid me off 10 MONTHS after our break up.... In that time our only communication was by txt (written proof) and about his payments, they're being late, and my having to threaten court. I only sent him one other txt to congratulate him on becoming a father (granted I didnt really mean it...he will make a terrible Dad) He never once wished me a happy Birthday or Merry Xmas or anything else sometimes you do even for someone you dont really talk to much anymore. So....I had my FINAL check up last month to be sure I was in the clear health-wise....I posted on FB that Im TOTALLY HEALTHY..... Pretty exciting after having had this loom over my head for a year, including invasive surgery, and follow-up tests to be sure. The idiot TEXTED me the day after my post to say congratulations and how its great news, and hope all is well. Dude----you have been out of my life for a very long time....we dont connect, we dont chat, we dont catch up. You NOW have the NERVE to contact me....over something you LEFT ME during?? I refuse to respond...and honestly...he could have just liked my FB post as most people went that route...simple. It was only for his own guilty complex...but still----it annoys me that he would TXT me and invade my personal space. I hope he is MISERABLE....as he and this girl got PREGNANT not even 4 months of being together.....FAIL! Thats my rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrenchFries Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Hey that's great news about your doc appointment. Why are you still "friends" with him??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardnergirl2 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Your story sounds like mine, except for the cancer. CONGRATS TO YOU!! on beating it! Mine left me and was living with the new one 3 weeks later.....She isn't pregnant, but he isn't all that happy at last report (which has been awhile back). I think they will get their just desserts.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I'm happy to hear that you have received a clean bill of health. However, it's obvious that you haven't completely let go...no offense intended. Why not block him from any/all means of communication? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Just don't respond to his texts and ignore or block him on Facebook altogether. My own instinct is maybe his life isn't going so well right now and he's fishing to see if there is still any emotion for him, so he can get an ego boost. Ugh, you've listed all the reasons why this guy shouldn't be in anyone's life. Just block him, stay NC and congratulations on beating the cancer. Now that's something to celebrate!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HDC80 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Share Posted March 14, 2013 French----the unfortunate thing is we still share a fair amount of mutual friends. So I keep him there to be 'friendly' but not to contact him----as I said the only time I said anything was when I found out he and his new gf were pregnant. I know he cant be happy....adding to my laughing at the karma....he gained 50LBS....and the house the bought and was fixing up----is still in a HUGE CHAOTIC mess...and the baby is here NEXT week. >=) So his life is pretty stressful...and about to get more stressful with a baby to care for. Kid is a strain on any STRONG relationship, but cant imagine the strain on someone he has only been with for 4 months non pregnant. Their entire relationship has been her pregnancy. Part of keeping him connected----is it tells me that my life is pretty awesome....and all the things I get to do and be now because he isnt around. Its also a reminder of strength that I got through the last year WITHOUT him and did it on my own. I refuse to respond to him, he isnt worth the time to txt back and even say thanks. He doesnt DESERVE that kind of kindness. There is no ROOM for him in my life-----at all. Irony---he couldnt stick around when things got tough for me....I wish his new gf/soon to be mom of his kid LUCK as things are about to get REAL tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokwurk Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Your anger is overwhelming. I mean it is so intense you frightened me over the Internet. I pray you soon find peace with this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I don't think her anger over the situation is out of place. He cut out on her when she needed him most and then she had to deal with cancer rather than work through her emotions over the breakup. Now that that's out of the way she has more time to face other areas of her life including the original breakup. I'd be really POed too if someone had done that me then had the nerve to come back and congratulate me only AFTER I was out of the woods. Sorry, anger is a part of healing too plain and simple. Staying stuck in anger is what's not healthy, but there isn't any indication of that here. Go ahead, write out all your anger in journals, maybe take some boxing or martial arts classes which can be an amazing outlet for anger and frustration. And then, more importantly, go out and live your life. You've been given a second chance at it and that's always great. Keep going! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HDC80 Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 Klokwurk----how intense is my anger really? Am I talking about destroying his property....stalking him, ruining things that are going on in his life? Come on. If I was saying those things, I could see that there was a high level of anger that would be coming through the internet. Saying someone isnt worth my time to even respond....is just ignoring a person who deserves to be ignored given their treatment of me to begin with. Someone going MIA when you are working through a cancer diagnosis, surgery and an uncertain future.....is a sign of WEAKNESS on their part. I had to endure all of the medical issues, a break up, putting down my cat, losing my job.....all at the SAME time. I have no clue what warranted his coming out of the woodwork, when he couldnt stand by when it was going on. His words of kindness are meaningless. Paris...as for taking out the anger....I joined a dodgeball league last year right after the diagnosis....its been a HUGE help----as has running, hiking and other various things that keep me engaged. I lived my days last year like each one could come with news of doom.....that weight has been lifted...and now I appreciate the freedom each day brings. Side note---this is my SECOND time at having a chance at life again. 5 years ago I rolled my car 4 times in rush-hour traffic and WALKED away without a scratch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokwurk Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I think it was all the capitalizations; I'm sensitive to those, hehe. I agree, he did horrible things to you; my advice, and i mean no offence, is to be the better person and just accept he was awful to you, and walk away. Think about when you are old and happy, and you by chance think upon him - do you want to still harbor this level of resentment? No, you will think, "man, I learned so much through that awful relationship. I hope he's well." Forgiveness... It is so hard, sometimes it can never happen... But when you do manage to forgive those who wronged you, it gives you such a powerful peace. I agree, ignore him. Maybe forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Side note---this is my SECOND time at having a chance at life again. 5 years ago I rolled my car 4 times in rush-hour traffic and WALKED away without a scratch. Wow, good for you. And great on the physical activities too, those help tremendously with all sorts of things. Just say NC and know that you are the better for all of it. There will come a day when you can look back and say to yourself, "I've survived that too!" And you'll probably actually feel a bit of pity towards the ex. Forgiveness is often misunderstood as being okay with what the other person did when I have come to realize it's usually more about just letting go of any anger and ill feelings towards the other person and saying, "You know what? They have their own issues and I can't let those be mine anymore." And then you leave them in the past and just don't care. You are moving towards that every day, it is just a shock sometimes when they pop up unexpectedly in your life opening old scars up. Trust me on that one. I dumped coffee on my ex when he did it since the breakup had been bad, he had cheated on me then left me without a word for months before suddenly showing up at my favorite restaurant to ask why I wasn't talking to him and wouldn't want to get back together. I can look back now and laugh about it, but it wasn't so funny at the time. I saw red literally then. So yeah, you are not alone in the whole, "Wait, why are you back here???" followed by anger. I've seen him since then and been nothing but coolly gracious and at this point I can only shake my head with disbelief that he ever got under my skin like that. And one day you will too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HDC80 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Im just HORRIFIED that this guy is going to be a father. Responsible to bring another human being up.....and what that child will be like based on who is father IS. Im pretty good at forgiveness...on most things. But I believe there are certain things people do that are NEVER forgivable....for 2 reasons....they dont deserve me to be kind to them after how they acted/treated etc to me.... and secondly....growth for me comes from recalling what was so bad....and how upset it made me----so that I dont EVER end up in the same place again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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