Girl posting on my boyfriend's facebook

[itsallgrand]

YUP. We've had a lot of issues. Sometimes I feel we're trying to fit square pegs into round holes. It's not just one thing..I've had insecurity issues from the past cuz he used to have a facebook account he wouldn't let me see...he's off and on pressured me to have threeways..various things.

 

He can be impulsive and just not think about the longterm effects of his actions sometimes. Like, we've argued about him texting while driving my car (he finally stopped).

 

He DJs at a club every other weekend and a couple of times he came home having had too much to drink and shouldn't have been driving. Yet, we recently argued because he won't just, STOP drinking at that club. He doesn't like being told what to do.

 

So he shows many signs of having poor judgment and poor impulse control.

 

That's not something that is easy to change. And to feel secure and to trust him, wouldn't you need that to change?

 

So are you waiting for that, is that what the counseling is for? Because you can go around in circles about the "details" (a girl posting on his facebook, specific incidents), but it won't change that this is part of who he is. No matter how much he tries to reassure you - which he isn't - but even if he did - you'd need the actions to back it up to feel secure, right?

 

Basically I am saying I think this is a situation that doesn't have a workable solution. Something councilors, yes, are very very reluctant to ever straight out say (unless there is a lot of abuse involved). But doesn't your gut tell you this anyways? You can stay and duke it out for as long as you want - but he will still be him.

[Fudgie]

He makes more than that. You just pay less cause of the program. Like when I pay my therapist a copay of $80. She does not make $80/hour. The insurance company pays her more.

 

Him being willing to do counselling doesn't say much. His behavior is still poor.

[HeatherB]

Sounds like you two squabble about a lot of issues. How is this one particular problem worse than the usual?

[spandora]

I guess it's not.

 

I mean, yeah..I think this does relate to his poor judgment; you guys are right. I have male friends but I can't think of a one whom I would call "love" on his facebook wall. Especially if I could see that he had a girlfriend.

 

This girl clearly doesn't care that she's being borderline inappropriate. Which speaks to his judgment about the type of friends he has. And yeah..good point. A counselor can't make someone have good judgment. I was however hoping that counseling would help his kneejerk behavior of turning every complaint I have about him, around on me.

 

Sounds like you two squabble about a lot of issues. How is this one particular problem worse than the usual?

[spandora]

So, I'm posting an update. This guy and I are now broken up. I broke up with him in December. We quit counseling well before that.

 

We lived together for cheap rent and because the girl I was going to move in with, was having some issues, til just last week. We had some knock down drag out fights before that point.

 

I haven't been moved out that long, and he's sending me all these sad emails about seeing me everywhere, and how I own a big part of him etc etc..I am now living in a different city and state, btw...I was going to go back down there this weekend to get more of my things out of storage, and he wanted to have coffee and talk.

 

I was willing to do that, til I looked at his Facebook profile.

 

Guess which girls he RE-FRIENDED, before I had even moved out of his stupid house??

 

(I had posted in a separate thread that there was more than one..one of the girls is someone he met online dating, like he met me. I hadn't heard word ONE about her, until I saw on an external hard drive that she'd been sending him naughty photos before we met)

 

Pretty much proof, if you ask me, that he was being shady when I first made this post.

 

 

I guess it's not.

 

I mean, yeah..I think this does relate to his poor judgment; you guys are right. I have male friends but I can't think of a one whom I would call "love" on his facebook wall. Especially if I could see that he had a girlfriend.

 

This girl clearly doesn't care that she's being borderline inappropriate. Which speaks to his judgment about the type of friends he has. And yeah..good point. A counselor can't make someone have good judgment. I was however hoping that counseling would help his kneejerk behavior of turning every complaint I have about him, around on me.